Jessica Simpson’s pregnant, so some new wife of an ex just had to have the had the honor to be with child, and we all know that Vanessa Minnillo is just Nick Lachey’s beard and he actually can’t get within five feet of a willing vagina without breaking out into hives.

From People:

During a visit to Cedar Hill High School near Dallas, a student asked if he has any children. “Um, no, I don’t have any kids,” Romo replied, following up with, “I’ve actually got one on the way. My wife’s pregnant.”

As the students clapped, Romo, 31, smiled, raised his fist and said, “It’ll be fun.”

Indeed, Tony, it’ll be fun; congrats! And it’s good – real good – to know your manhood (and football team!) still work just fine after going through the Simpson Mangler.

… And it’s this guy! Tony Romo, you guys.  You remember him. He’s the guy that dumped Jessica last year on her birthday.

Tony’s future wife is Candace Crawford, a news anchor in Dallas and also a beauty queen.  He proposed at some restaurant in Dallas, he got her a nice ass ring, so on and so forth.  But I don’t care about that.  I care about how this is the first serious girlfriend Tony had after Jessica, and about how the proposal happened on her birthday.  Way to cut deep, Tony.

You know what this means, right?  This means that Jessica will retaliate by getting pregnant (retaliation by engagement was already taken.  How’s that feel, Nick Lachey?), and not just any kind of pregnant.  She’ll get “oh, I just forgot to take my birth control for the past few months” pregnant or “oh, sorry, I heard it was totally the right thing to do to poke holes in all the condoms” pregnant or “oh, no, it’s totally fine, don’t pull out” pregnant (because I can definitely see Jessica believing wholeheartedly in the pull out method, can’t you?).  Seriously, I’m calling a vengeance baby announcement by spring.

I wrote earlier today about the outfit Jess wore to her David Letterman appearance — a lot of you loved it, but I still think it’s kind of ridic.

Now that we actually have footage of Jessica on the show — talking about Tony Romo and John Mayer (“He gave away my game!!), among other things — I have a very important question: Why can’t she talk like a normal human being??? Doesn’t it seem like she’s holding her mouth a little tight? It doesn’t look like she recently got Botox or anything, but there’s definitely something odd going on.

That said, it’s a pretty adorable interview, and I like her a lot more after watching it.

Lastly: How fucking amazing is the quality on YouTube these days??? This is a damn sharp video. Pretty soon I’ll be able to sit in bed all day and my entire life will just play out over the Internet. Oh, wait. That already happened.

I’m just kidding y’all!  Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” because she just listened to some of her past CDs and can’t figure out how she ever became famous.  Ack!  Kidding again!

Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” over being dumped by Tony Romo.  Apparently she never saw it coming.  Which certainly leaves me a bit confused.  Everyone in the world knew it.  How could she not?

Here’s a life lesson:  If you are telling anyone who will listen that you are getting hitched, but the guy isn’t giving you a ring, a date, or a plan, he’s not marrying you.  Why is that so hard to understand? 

Anyway, Jess, chins up!  It just means Mr. Right is still out there waiting for you.  Probably at some Texas chili cook-off.

Oh, man!  Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson on Thursday – the night before her 29th birthday!

Originally, Jess planned to have a Barbie and Ken party, but ended up Tweeting “Barbie party didn’t happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!”  Another Tweet on Sunday read “Everyone needs to know that hope floats … grab the strings and pull it back to you.”

A source spoke with People and said “She is heartbroken.  She loves Tony. But it’s been difficult lately. He’s busy with his career and she’s getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways.”   Tony’s training camp starts in two weeks.  I wonder if this break will improve his on-field performance.

First Vanessa and Nick.  Now Tony and Jess.  The ex-Newlyweds are not having a good time of it.

This shit ran in the New York Post.

And you guys think bloggers are mean.

Wow.

Thanks Carol!

This is a freaking ADORABLE story about Jessica Simpson’s man:

A homeless man who goes by Doc was cashing in change at a Cinemark Theatre in Dallas when a guy walked up and offered to pay his way into the movie. He planned to spend his day passing out fliers and accepted a rain check before realizing that he recognized the generous gentleman.

“Was that Tony Romo?” Doc asked the worker behind the counter.

It sure was. Doc, who requested that his real name not be used, hustled across the street to the consignment store that paid him to occasionally pass out fliers and requested the day off. By the time he got back to the theater, Role Model had already started.

Romo, who confirmed the story but didn’t want to elaborate, waved Doc over to sit by him and his friend. Doc sheepishly mentioned that he hadn’t showered in a few days.

“Don’t worry about that,” Romo said. “I’m used to locker rooms.”

And so the $67 million quarterback and a man who doesn’t have $6.70 to his name sat next to each other and shared laughs for 90 minutes or so.

For Romo – who made news by changing a couple’s tire on a roadside on the way home the night of the season opener – it was just another kind gesture to a random stranger. It meant the world to Doc.

“For me, it was a blessing,” Doc said. “It came at just the right time. It gave me some encouragement and faith in mankind. I just wanted to say thank you.”

What a cutie!!!

Is it possible that Jessica Simpson’s actually managed to snag herself a downright decent dude?

There’s only one problem with this: we’re supposed to be BOYCOTTING Cinemark, dammit! What would Ken Paves think?

I guess they’re still going strong.

Photogs caught Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo (well, in fairness, she probably called them) leaving the Waverly Inn in NYC on Monday night.

Um, check out Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson “attempting” a duet at the Metal Skool show in LA.

There’s a Britney diss at the beginning, too. Wonderful.

A tipsy Jessica Simpson gets a hand from Tony Romo as she tries to get in the car after seeing 80s metal band Metalskool perform at The Key Club on the Sunset Strip.

Although she managed to avoid being photographed this time, Jessica Simpson was in the stands when the Dallas Cowboys played football against another team on Saturday.

Whereas Tony played football poorly the last time Jessica was in the stands, this time he played it good. I don’t know what playing football good entails, but the score was 20-13, and Tony’s team had the bigger number, so that means Tony did something right. This is different from in golf, where, if you have the bigger number, it’s bad. With basketball, you want the number to be big. Baseball? Big. Running? Small.

See how much I know about sports????

Football is especially interesting because you never know how many points a team will get for doing something. For instance, in basketball, if the man gets the ball in the hoop from inside the half-oval, it is always 2 points. If he gets the ball in the hoop from outside the half-oval, it is 3 points. I forget how many it is from the free throw line, but, basically, if you know where the man’s standing, you know how many points he’ll get. In baseball, if the man touches his foot on the white square by the batter, it is always 1 point. No matter what, it is 1 point. With football, anything can happen at any time. Sometimes when the man runs across the big line, it is 6 points. Sometimes it is less than 6 points. And then there’s the tuning fork thing, and God help me if I ever run into a situation in life where I really need to know how many points the people get for kicking the ball through the tuning fork thing. And don’t forget the cardinal rule of football, kids: The clock must never be running. If the clock is running, something went wrong.

All of this, however, is childsplay in comparison with tennis, where invisible elves on the sidelines make up the score while shooting up heroin. And sometimes the score isn’t even a number. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why there are so many hot chicks in tennis and not in other sports. Because the elves like hot chicks. Now don’t you go saying my blog’s not educational.

Anyway.

Tony Romo helped win the big football game, and maybe now people will hate Jessica less.

“Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite — in this locker room or in Texas Stadium. With everything that has happened, obviously with the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel she has taken his focus away. Other than that, she was high on my list until last week. Oh, I got a message for her when we make the playoffs. Just stay tuned.”

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens speaks to the AP about Tony Romo’s poor performance with Jessica in the stands.