7IT’S TOO LATE FOR KATIE HOLMES!

November 16, 2006 at 12:17 am by Evil Beet

0Chantilly Lace and a Hypnotized Face

I don’t know that I want to turn into EvilBeet’s official CruiseKat guy but the stories seem to be calling to me. Here’s a fun tidbit, Katie just dropped three large on some lingerie. Included in the windfall:

1) A $340 thong
2) Matching robe trimmed with ostrich feathers that set her back $620
3) A lace bra with Swarovski crystals for $380 and matching thong with crystals for $175

Now admittedly I don’t know a ton about thongs but aren’t they um.. well not much fabric? What would cost $340? Does it come with equipment? Also, why are we killing ostriches? Isn’t it shame enough that they can’t fly?

Finally, I would like to put the Crystal thong on my personal Christmas wish list. I think I deserve it.

November 15, 2006 at 5:02 pm by Evil Beet

1I Link We’re Alone Now

Rachel Weisz says it’s okay to drink while you’re pregnant. “Amen to that,” says Lindsay Lohan’s mom. [Cele|Bitchy]

If there is, in fact, a way to get America to a film version of Sweeney Todd, it’s probably Borat. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Shocker of shockers. Justin Timberlake is out and about, being a self-absorbed ass. [Girls Talkin' Smack, Pop on the Pop]

Oprah and her couch are not invited to the TomKat wedding. [Bossip]

If Paris and Nicole can be BFF again, perhaps there’s hope for Britney and Madonna? [The Bosh]

You should return that bulk purchase of lube to Costco, guys. There won’t be an Eva Longoria/Beyonce lesbo flick afterall. [Junkiness]

Michelle Trachtenberg and DJ AM? In my mind, this is the definitive answer to “Which B-list celebs do you care about the absolute least?” But apparently they’re also banging. [A Socialite's Life]

November 15, 2006 at 6:48 am by Evil Beet

2Don’t Do It Joey Potter!

We are four days away from America’s sweetheart, Tom Cruise, giving up his flower one more time. This here link from ABC has a delightful sneak peek at the vows which are so awesome they must be broken down. They are as follows:

“Now Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills. A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat.”

I should mention this is not fake in the slightest, this is what Tom really will say “Hail Xenu” to. A gal needs frills! To quote a British friend of mine “Luvs It!’ Also, perhaps a cat? L. Ron, why not just lay it down, she either needs a cat or she doesn’t man.

Here is what Katie will say “uh-huh” to:

“Hear well, sweet Katie. … For promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him then that you may have necessities and follies, too.”

Okay, so Hubbard was a writer but he couldn’t quite get the spirit of the word “folly” correct. A girl may be prone to folly, but I’ve never heard of follies. Okay, I just checked it out at Merriam-Webster and although it’s a word I’m still mildly pissed off about the usage. I’d further note that if Tommy is still a young man at the tender age of 44 I look forward to many years of forgetting to buy cats my own self.

If these two crazy kids can’t make it what chance do the rest of us have? The answer, sadly, is none because most of us are kinda-sorta on prescription medication and will never make it to the 42nd level of blinding light or whatever Cruise is up to now.

November 14, 2006 at 3:20 pm by Evil Beet

1Let’s Link this Through

Yup, the Spiderman 3 trailer leaked. Enjoy. [Derek Hail]

TomKat and Suri the Fake Baby (looking fake as can be), arrive in Rome for the contractually mandated wedding of the century. [Glitterati]

Leann Rimes sides with Faith Hill on the whole Carrie-Underwood-sucks issue. Classy. [Tabloid Whore]

Holy crap, stop the presses. Jude and Sienna broke up. For the eight billionth time. I honestly do not remember them getting back together. I’m sure I wrote about it, but I have some sort of Jude-Sienna mental filter that keeps that sort of info from sticking. I’m glad of it. [The Superficial]

This constant stream of Anna Nicole stories makes me want to mix methadone with antidepressants, too. The power company pulled the plug on her place in the Bahamas yesterday. [Allie is Wired]

Vogue doesn’t want pictures of Britney Spears’ baby. Not even for free. Damn. [HGW]

A little treat for the straight guys who stop by on occasion/accident: Alessandra Ambrosia photo explosion over at CelebSlam. [CelebSlam]

November 14, 2006 at 6:14 am by Evil Beet

2The Tom Cruise Dress-Up Game

From our friends over at Heavy. Check it out.

November 13, 2006 at 8:57 pm by Evil Beet