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Tom Cruise

2Tom Cruise Doesn’t Want Russell Brand In Scientology

Russell Brand is a zany prankster and generally a pretty bizarre dude (but a chill one I’ll give him that). So it’s no surprise that while working with Tom Cruise on that horrendous shit show that is Rock of Ages, Russell thought it would be fun to see if Xenu’s right hand man might be interested in bringing him into the fold. The short answer? He totally wasn’t.

From Conan:

“Firstly, he’s a glorious man and he’s very kind and sweet – that’s what you say if you want to continue to work in the film industry.”

“But I was thinking, ‘He’s a member of that religion Scientology, I’m interested in that’. So every so often I’d say things like, ‘Oh Tom, sometimes I’m a bit lost in life’, to see if he would try and get me in. He’d go, ‘I dunno, read the Bible‘. Or, ‘Tom, I wish I had a way of thinking more positively about the future’. That man had no interest in getting me in Scientology at all.

“If there’s a cult that doesn’t want me, I want to know why!”

LOL, I love that Tom Cruise told Russell Brand to read the bible. Like, what? Also, Tom might be batshit insane, but he’s not unintelligent and he probably knew what Russell was trying to do, which is why he got the answer he did. Poor Russell, though. It’s a dark day when not even Scientology will take you in.

April 19, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

5Katie Holmes Doesn’t Want Suri Cruise Flying All The Time

katie holmes suri cruise

In what is probably the most boring celebrity story you’ll read today (news is slow, okay?), Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have apparently been fighting over little Suri. Tom wants to see her more often, but Katie lives in New York and doesn’t think she should keep flying to London, where Tom is currently wrapping a movie, all the time. Instead, Tom should come to the east coast to see his daughter. An argument ensued, Katie got tough, yada yada.

From Now:

The actress, 34, is worried about the number of hours the six-year-old’s spending flying between her home in NYC and dad Tom, 50, who’s just wrapped his latest film in London.

‘Katie had to put her foot down,’ says a pal.

‘She realises Tom wants to see his girl, but she feels he should work round Suri’s schedule and come to them rather than the other way round.

‘They’ve now agreed Suri won’t have flights longer than eight hours.’

First of all, I’ve flown from NY to London more times than I can recount and it never takes eight hours. It’s seven on a bad day and a little over six if you catch a good tail wind, so I’m not sure how this comes into play. That being said, she’s a tiny person who is presumably going to school and I agree, Tom should use one of those Scientology alien spaceships (that’s how that whole thing works, right?) to come and see her.

This story seemingly had a happy resolution, but it must be bullshit because who in the hell would report it to the press as if anyone cared? That’s like me calling TMZ to let them know that Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck couldn’t decide between KFC or Burger King for lunch but eventually Ben compromised and went to BK because he knows Jen loves her Whoppers. I mean, who cares?

April 2, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer

0Tom Cruise May Have Been Kicked Out of Catholic School Over Alcohol Theft

tom cruise pics

Oooh, juicy! A former schoolmate of Tom Cruise‘s claims that everyone’s (least) favourite scientologist was kicked out of Catholic school – St. Francis Seminary School in Cincinnati, to be precise – back in the day because he was caught stealing alcohol from a school cupboard. First of all, why was there alcohol in a school cupboard? I suppose if it was wine for communion, they could explain it away, but who knows. Second of all, Catholicism must have gotten bad if Tom felt the need to convert to a cult revolving around aliens.

Anyway, from the New York Daily News:

Priests at the seminary have said Cruise chose to leave the school when his family relocated again, this time to New Jersey. But Dempler remembers it differently.

He and Cruise weren’t troublemakers, but they liked to sneak out and smoke cigarettes.

“Standard stuff for a kid on a Saturday night,” Dempler said.

But one night the duo got the bright idea of stealing some liquor from their Franciscan fathers, who were planning a celebration, Dempler said.

Dempler sneaked into the room where the liquor was stashed and threw bottle after bottle out the window to Cruise, waiting below.

“(I) tossed about six, most broke, but we managed to get a couple and hide them in the nearby woods,” said Dempler. “The priests didn’t even realize until some of the other boys found out about our plan and snuck into the woods and got drunk. They were caught staggering down the road to the seminary and forced to confess.

“The school wrote a letter to our parents saying they liked us both, but would prefer if we didn’t return. So we weren’t kicked out, just preferred not to go,” said Dempler.

God bless that broke ass childhood friend of a celebrity who sells their story to a second rate newspaper for a few hundred dollars. Really milk the glory, there. Does anyone really care that Tom Cruise stole some booze when he was a teenager? No? Okay, then.

March 6, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: Tom Cruise

0Tom Cruise Was Sent to Earth to Battle Aliens I Think

photo of tom cruise pictures war of the worlds aliens pic
From the New York Post:

Cruise, meanwhile, was more enmeshed than ever. He was tasked with mentoring a young member, a 16-year-old named Marc Headley, which involved Cruise tutoring him to command an ashtray to balance on its side. The point of such an exercise? “You learn,” said Headley, “that if you don’t do what they say, they’ll just ask the same questions 5 million times.”

… For his part, Cruise believes his true aim in life is to convert all nonbelievers into the church, which, according to Scientology, will result in Earth’s salvation. “Look,” he said, “I wish the world was a different place. I’d like to go on vacation, and go and romp and play, you know what I mean? But I can’t. Because I know. I know. I have to do something about it. You can sit here and wish it was different, but there’s that moment where you go, ‘You know, I have to do something. Don’t I?’ ”

Oh, you mean you didn’t know? Of course. How could this not all be true? These new allegations are all from a book called Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood & The Prison of Belief, and it’s basically all about Tom Cruise and how he’s third-in-command of the Church of Scientology, and what that means for the future of the world.

On a related note, what better way to effectively eradicate aliens by the handful? Becoming President of the United States of America, of course. Did you hear about that? Because that was a thing a few days ago—that Tom Cruise was throwing around the words “running” and “President” in the same sentences. This is what Tom allegedly had to say about running for President, and how easy of a win it would be:

“If f-cking Arnold can be governor, I could be president.”

I’m all sorts of shades of frightened now, guys. I can’t even tell you.

January 15, 2013 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Tom Cruise

11Tom Cruise’s New Girlfriend is Scientology-Approved

photo of tom cruise new girlfriend dancing pictures
I’m kidding, I have no idea whether or not she’s got the L. Ron Hubbard stamp of approval … I just know that Tom was allegedly dirty dancing with his new chick, and that makes me laugh because I totally thought that dirty dancing ceased to be cool in seventh grade, but the joke’s on me, because apparently I was wrong. Here’s the scoop from the NY Daily News:

Tom Cruise cast a normal Queens gal in a starring role – his leading lady on a wild night on the town.

Less than six months after his divorce from Katie Holmes, the 50-year-old “Jack Reacher” star had a passionate pas-de-deux with Cynthia Jorge, a brunette Fresh Meadows native half his age, including some dirty dancing at the trendy Mulberry St. club, Le Baron, on Dec. 18.

The hookup came two days after Jorge attempted the “Mission: Impossible,” slipping her card to Cruise after a lunch at Beauty & Essex, the lower East Side restaurant she manages, according to In Touch magazine.

“He was mesmerized by Cynthia,” a witness to the salsa dance interlude told In Touch, which broke the story. “She had her hair in a bun, wore tight black pants and looked gorgeous.

Cynthia Jorge, at right, is reportedly Tom Cruise’s new leading lady after a sizzling date at Manhattan’s Le Baron.

“At one point, they began grinding together. It was straight out of ‘Dirty Dancing.’ Tom seemed to be in his own world, completely smitten.”

He wasn’t only in his own world — he was just a few subway stops from the apartment of his ex-wife Katie Holmes in nearby Chelsea.
But the head doorman at the Le Baron nightclub, who refused to give his name, doubted the dirty-dancing episode ever occurred.

“I was here all night and I didn’t see him,” the doorman told the Daily News. “I read about it and I was surprised. If he was here, I would have seen him. I don’t believe it. It didn’t happen here.”

A source said the action hero and Jorge, 26, are not currently an item — and a relative of Jorge’s expressed surprise at the news of his cousin’s close encounter with the Hollywood hunk. “I don’t know what to say. What would you say if your cousin was dating Tom Cruise?” said Pietro Jorge, 25. He wouldn’t comment on whether the pair are in a relationship, but he did say Cruise would be the lucky one if there is: “She’s nice. She’s outgoing. She’s a people person,” he said.

Jorge’s also not seemingly ready for her closeup. After news of Jorge’s star-studded dance date went public, her bosses at Beauty & Essex asked her to stay home Wednesday night. “She’s a sweetheart,” a restaurant worker at the posh eatery told the News. “She’s not working tonight. They called her off work because of (the media scrutiny).” Jorge may not be a regular on the red carpet, but the 2008 Boston University graduate has made a name for herself in a few short years in New York City’s culinary world.

“As a New Yorker, I have learned that in order to succeed, one must work fast, strike hard and make every move count,” she wrote on her Linked In profile.

Jorge previously worked at Benvenuti Public Relations firm and as the marketing director at Benjamin’s Steakhouse in midtown. “She was a hard worker,” said a floor manager at Benjamin’s. She told Joonbug.com six months ago that she liked her job at Benjamin’s because she enjoyed, “meeting new people, from CEOs to celebrities to just really interesting people in the industry.”

And, apparently, dating them, too.

Somebody sounds, um, driven. Anyway, here’s a photo of the lovely lady, and guys, I’ll warn you—she is lovely:

photo of cynthia jorge pictures tom cruise new girlfriend pic

December 27, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Tom Cruise

7TOM CRUISE’S FACE IS TWEAKED THE F-CK OUT

photo of tom cruise jack reacher premiere pictures photo
This is Tom at the London premiere of ‘Jack Reacher’, and I don’t have a whole lot more for you guys about this because really, there are no words.

… Except maybe “motherf-cker.” Because “motherf-cker” is a word I use a lot (in my head, or in forceful whispers, where no one can hear me) when I’m really angry about something. And something makes me a little angry about these photos of Tom-bot, and I don’t even know what.

Thanks, Tom. Thanks for being a good buddy.

December 10, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Tom Cruise
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