I don’t know about you guys, but these lists always intrigue the crap out of me. These celebrity “power couples,” as they’re often referred to, bring in, like, unbelievable wads of cash annually. Jaw-dropping amounts.

I mean, this kind of money is money that I can’t even fathom having, and the craziest part is that there are people out there – both single and partnered up – who earn, like, quadruple this.

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady topped the list this year, bringing in just around $76 million bucks. And that’s just the reported income. You can’t tell me that there isn’t some under-the-table stuff going on somewhere there.

The rest of the list is as follows:

2. Jay-Z and Beyonce – $72 million

3. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – $50 million

Jump in for the rest of the list –

4. David and Victoria Beckham – $45 million

5. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart – $40 million

So, there you have it, folks. A comprehensive list, totaling just about 283 million dollars, if my math’s correct. I know that wouldn’t, like, cure the nation’s financial problems, but imagine if all celebrities who made over $500k a year donated their annual earnings to fixing up the state of the country and went and lived with their parents for a little while. We’d be as ballin’ as we really think we are then, you know?

These are the first up-close pictures I’ve seen of Benjamin Brady (in Miami yesterday with his nanny) since he was like, fresh out that womb and wrinkly as hell, and I have to say, he’s a pretty good-looking baby. He’s like a chill, subtle hottie. He has sensitive eyes. Is he sexy? No. I wouldn’t use that word. But he has time.

Because no, according to her reps, she was not. The man in the above photo, the one who Gisele is apparently kissing, or about to kiss, is a lifelong friend by the name of Helly Nahmad.

The photo surfaced a few days ago, and naturally the speculation began swirling: ‘Was Gisele cheating on Tom Brady?’ ‘Is this Tom’s boyfriend that Bundchen’s kissing?’ — you name it, it was talked about. However, reps for the supermodel have come forward to, uh, Us magazine and refute all claims that Gisele would ever pucker up for anyone other than a popular American footballer:

Last Thursday, Gisele Bundchen was photographed kissing a man — not her husband, Tom Brady — at the Vogue 90th Anniversary party in Paris. Bundchen’s mystery party companion: NYC art dealer Helly Nahmad.

A rep for the supermodel, 30, tells UsMagazine.com: “This is her friend of 15 years, Helly. Her first New York friend when she moved here.”

Nahmad — who once dated another Brazilian model, Ana Beatriz Barros — is fluent in Portugese and was “the only one [Gisele] could speak to [when] she spoke no English,” the rep continues.

“He is very much part of her close circle of friends. No worries there!”

So there you have it.  Not to mention, would you be puckering up in a wanton way with this Helly dude when you could go home and bang Tom Brady? Despite his dirty-looking Justin Bieber hair, Tom’s still definitely top notch in this case.

Sorry, Hellz.

You know, I haven’t eaten yet this morning. And while I was scouring the internet for stuff to talk to you guys about, I came across this photo of Tom Brady in attendance at a Celtics-Lakers game earlier in the week. Though I haven’t put a thing in my mouth just yet, I threw up a little bit. In my mouth. I was going to make coffee; I just hadn’t yet. And I’m thankful. Because there’s nothing quite as bad as spitting up coffee-tinged bile on an empty stomach.

Anyway, Tom Bieber Brady and his ridick hair. Please, please don’t tell me that there’s actually anyone out there who digs it. Really. Unless you’re under the age of thirteen, you have positively no excuse to fawn all over Tom’s abomination of a hairstyle.

OK. Now that the storm has passed, I’m going to go and make some coffee. I think it’s safe, and the time is right.

He looks like some kind of low-brow serial killer, especially in the gallery photos. I had, like, the biggest “celebrity crush” on Tom a few years back, but now? Goddamn.

Guess this is what fatherhood — and being married to Gisele Bündchen does to some.

Bundchen gave one of those water-births where you peacefully soak in a lukewarm tub in a dimmed room and it’s all peaceful and zen and shit and she didn’t “give birth”, her son “came through her body”, which sounds what like any delicate, virginal supermodel would go through during birth, naturally.  Bundchen claimed to only gain thirty pounds during her podding pregnancy and claimed to feel spiritual and empowered throughout the entire ordeal.

What Vogue didn’t tell you was that her Boston penthouse tub was probably filled with diamond-encrusted rose petals and Tom Brady was the one who gave birth instead.

Congrats on looking so post-pregnancy fabulous to the beautiful, peaceful, empowered Gisele who doesn’t even remotely look like she’s endured the rigors of ruptured facial veins due to eighty hours of pushing on a cold steel table or episiotomies and shitting all over yourself while screaming “You lousy fuck!” at your husband.

I have never had a kid, but you would have to be an idiot to try and tell me that it wouldn’t hurt to squeeze something that weighs more than a pound and has a head out of my vagina (OH WAIT.) Still, that’s what Gisele Bündchen is saying about her experience giving birth to her son with Tom Brady, Benjamin. And get this! She’s saying she did the whole thing drug-free. OK, now I know she’s gotta be lying about the pain. I know that can’t be true.

“The whole time, my head was so focused – every contraction, the baby is closer, the baby is closer. So, it wasn’t like, ‘Oh, what pain.’ It was, ‘With every contraction, he is getting closer to me,’ ” the gorgeous liar told People. She continued on to say “The second day, I was walking, I was washing dishes, I was making pancakes in the kitchen.”

Perhaps the fact that she did a water birth made the process a little bit easier, but painless? Pancakes? Who are you trying to play, Bündchen?

Even though their baby boy was born over a week ago, Tom and Gisele couldn’t get together for long enough to name him until just yesterday. In a message posted on her website, Gisele announced that the baby with the great DNA is going to be known as Benjamin.

From Gisele’s blog:

Hello!

I want to thank you all with all my heart for the immense love I have received here on the website. It is a pleasure to receive messages from each one of you here.

I am living a very special moment in my life, Benjamin is a blessing and I could not be happier.

I would also like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and 2010 with lots of light!

Kisses Gisele

Are these people good-looking and athletically gifted? Yes. Brilliant? Probably not. It took them like, two weeks to dig up the name “Benjamin”. I applaud their use of a traditional name, but after waiting this long I was hoping for another little Pilot Inspektor Lee or something.

Last week I told you guys that Gisele Bundchen gave birth to the baby that she and Tom Brady were expecting, but there weren’t many details to report. A week later, it’s pretty much the same deal. Tom’s been so busy that the couple hasn’t even taken the time to name the baby. There is a very handsome, nameless baby boy out there somewhere, you guys.

According to Tom, the couple had a name picked out for their son, but after the birth Gisele decided she wasn’t crazy about what they’d chosen. Right now they’re batting around names, probably via text message because of Tom’s packed schedule. “She makes all these decisions,” Tom said in an interview with WEEI Sports Radio, “I haven’t been home all week. We have about seven or eight choices. I have got to be home for more than just two-three hours so we can talk about it.”

Yeah, Tom. Just whenever you want to get around to it. Your partner is a first-time mother and she’s hanging out with the baby and probably some nanny in a Back Bay brownstone or something while you’re lifting weights and throwing balls around on a bunch of grass. Whenever you manage to carve a little time out to name your child, that would be great. Don’t stress. Either she’ll handle it or you’ll figure it out when it works for you. It’s not a big deal or anything.

Tom Brady announced the birth of his new son in a press conference held today in Boston and called it a “wonderful experience in his life.” I guess the birth of a child is only “the greatest thing that ever happened” in someone’s life when you haven’t won multiple Superbowls and fucked Gisele. After a couple questions were asked by reporters about the baby, Tom cut them off and said, “Let’s talk football.” Over it! He’s over it, you guys! And yes, he will be playing in this Sunday’s game.

No name or details have been released yet, but we do know that both the baby and the mother are healthy. We can probably also assume that she’s already lost the baby weight and will be doing a bikini-clad photoshoot by week’s end.

This is Tom’s second child (the first was his son John Edward, whose mother Bridget Moynahan he broke up with during her pregnancy) and Gisele’s first child. They made it all the way to the birth without breaking up, so maybe we can expect many years and a herd of attractive children from these two.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, who are expecting a baby around Christmastime, are keeping quiet on the baby’s gender until the birth. Actually, just Tom is because he’s the only one who knows. Not even Gisele.

Tom went on some sports talk radio show this morning and according to People Magazine, he’s not telling anyone the baby’s sex, including his own father. “I’m really the only one that knows at this point. My dad asked me. I haven’t told him. [Gisele] doesn’t know. It’s a pretty good feeling knowing something that no one else knows.”

What a dickface. You know why People put Gisele’s name in brackets, right? It’s because he referred to his wife as “She”. “She” is a female cat, Tom Brady! Show some damn respect. And tell your father the sex of the baby. And come over here right now and make out with me. We’re done here.

Two photogs who were at a post-wedding party of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have finally sent a gift along — a lawsuit.

Yuri Cotes and Rolando Aviles were pursued by the wedding couple’s security when they took unauthorized pictures of the party and then refused to turn over their cameras.  Talk about a loss of perspective — Tom and Gisele’s security guards shot at the paps’ car and allegedly came close to shooting them.  They shot guns over pictures and now the happy couple is being sued for $1M.

It takes some gall to crash a party and then sue that the conditions weren’t safe, but it seems so much more incredible that the security guards weren’t arrested for their irresponsible actions.  Let’s hope Tom keeps throwing TDs.  He’s gonna need that paycheck!

We’ve known for awhile now that Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen were expecting, but her due date has been up in the air. Yesterday, in an interview with SportsCenter, the Patriots’ quarterback revealed that his model wife will be giving birth in December. OK, so not an exact due date, but we’re getting closer to finding out when Brady will become a dad for the second time. Perhaps the Brady-Bündchen’s will have an extra special Christmas delivery?

While Brady has gotten a bad rap for his treatment of his other baby mama, Bridget Moynahan, it seems that he’s willing to suck it up this time and do the right thing by being there for his lady. Well, with one condition: “I told her no Sundays. It couldn’t be harder than training camp, so I’ll be prepared.”