So hey! This week must be the week for “unexpected” nude photo leaks, ’cause MMA fighter Tito Ortiz released one (OK, it was hacked) of him standing somewhere that looks like a spa, or a sauna room, with his LONG FLACCID PENIS hanging out. The best part of the pic? Boyfriend looks STOKED over it. The shit-eating grin just says it all. Says what, you ask? It positively screams, “Which way did he go, George, which way did he go?” “Man, if I could knock a bitch out with this gigantic crank during one of matches, they’d be out cold FER DAYZ.”

And also, what’s with the influx of soggy peen photos? I mean, photos of peen are good in any case, but wouldn’t they be much more impressive and exciting if the soldiers were actually on active duty?

Jump in for the NSFW photo of Tito Ortiz’s mang:

It’s just what they want you to do at this point so be a pal and lose it, alright?

TMZ spoke with the weird-assed couple and both parties claimed that everything that went down was embellished for dramatic purposes and they just want to be left alone about it now.

Jameson tells TMZ:

“What actually happened has now been dramatically distorted and misinterpreted and remarks that both Tito and I made after the police arrived reflect the state of shock that we were both in.”

Tito’s lawyer has spoken out on his behalf and says that the entire situation was “a big misunderstanding.”

Read: We’re both really unstable individuals and don’t want Child Protective Services to get involved, so we’re pulling the plug on the dramz.

Noted guys, thanks.

After allegations emerged that Tito Ortiz roughed Jenna Jameson up over some kind of “hurt feelings” thing, Ortiz denied the occurrence ever happened and claimed Jameson hurt herself while in a drug-induced panic.

However, reps for Jameson have come forward to claim that the former porn star was drug tested a day after the incident occurred between Jameson and Tito and all results (including those for oxycodone, cocaine, marijuana and meth) came up … you guessed it, negative.

Wonder what this says about the state of the couple’s union.  Or worse, for Ortiz.

Tito Ortiz, Jenna Jamesons’ live-in boyfriend or whatever, was arrested early yesterday morning at the couple’s shared home in Huntington Beach, California on allegations that he assaulted the former porn star.

Ortiz, a UFC fighter, was said to have “freaked out” on his baby mama, Jenna Jameson. Ortiz claimed that he had no part in injuring Jameson and maintains a position stating that she “injured herself” while under the influence of Oxycontin, a drug that she’s reportedly abused for years.

However, Jenna claims that Tito “threw” her into a tub and hurt her both physically and mentally. In an interview earlier yesterday, Jameson states that she had said something “extremely hurtful to his [Ortiz] ego” and Ortiz became enraged with her. Jameson claims that Ortiz threw her into the bathtub as a result and Jameson had suffered torn shoulder ligaments because the mere force of the throw. Jameson also claims that Ortiz is overreacting to practically everything these days because of his concern for her, uh, “fabled” Oxycontin addiction. Jameson claims that Ortiz is “very, very desperate” at this point.

Despite Jameson’s allegations, Tito maintains a position that he’s never laid a hand on Jameson — and no matter what the case, wouldn’t.

Tito was released on bail late yesterday afternoon.

The couple have two children together, twins that are just over a year old.

Congrats to Jenna Jameson, who welcomed twins on Monday morning. The two healthy boys walked out of Jenna’s vagina hand-in-hand, waving to their doctors. They then headed out with Charlie Sheen to score pussy.

Jenna Jameson is apparently preggers, which just seems implausible to me, because I figured if the anorexia hadn’t completely destroyed her uterus, the twenty-year parade of huge cocks would have, but I guess I was wrong, because Tito Ortiz has successfully knocked her up. I guess if it can happen to Bones Richie, it can happen to anyone.

This kid is going to be so miserable. Like, pretty much anything anyone says about his mama is going to be true. Any joke that begins with “Yo momma’s such a slut …” will have to end with a nod of begrudging agreement from this child, instead of a left hook. That’s unfortunate.

Jenna showed up with Tito to the premiere of Never Back Down, and I’m not going to go so far as to say she looks healthy, but she certainly looks healthier. She looks like she’s gained a few pounds. Not, like, in a she’s-getting-fat-way, just in she’s-15-pounds-away-from-being-able-to-menstruate-again sort of way. She looks okay here. I want you to be okay, Jenna. I don’t know exactly what you’ve been going through this past year, but from the looks of some of your pictures, it’s been rough. So hopefully this set of pictures is a sign that things are looking up for ya, girl.

So Mischa pulled out of her hosting gig at CatHouse last night at the last minute — because of, ya know, that whole DUI thing — but they went ahead and opened anyway.

And who the hell needs Mischa Barton when you have Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz???

Also there: Jamie King, who got hitched to director Kyle Newman in November, and who’d sure as hell better be pregnant if she doesn’t want me to talk shit about that weight gain.