Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Terrell Owens

BREAKING: Everyone Sucks

Tiger Woods

It’s like the Polanski petition all over again with all the celebrities backing Tiger Woods during his “time of need”. You’d think that most people would be afraid to comment on either story publicly (especially if they sympathize with the person whose character is in question), but no! There’s always someone out there hungry enough to provide sound bytes that might make the paper.

Us Weekly put together this list of celebrities who have publicly come to Tiger’s defense:

Donald Trump“He’s had a very interesting and very traumatic couple of weeks…But I know Tiger and he’s a wonderful guy. Tiger is going to be hotter than ever. Mark my words.”

Kim Kardashian: “Obviously, he made a statement where he said there were issues and he hasn’t been the best man for his family, so obviously something’s going on there…I think it’s proven to be really stressful on them. So you just kind of feel bad for his wife and for him.”

Khloe Kardashian: Lamar [Odom] just said he thinks it’s sad. He was like, “We’re so attacked, and nothing’s going on.” He just feels that people should just stay out of it. They’re obviously going through something a lot more serious than it’s just like to make a headline. People were in the hospital–they need a minute to get themselves together, regardless of what it is.”

NFL player Terrell Owens:  “I do think Tiger has done a great job of trying to apologize and being contrite, and so I think that’s the first and foremost thing you can do is be remorseful about it. I wish him well and hope he and his family rebounds.”

Dennis Rodman: “I know Tiger. He is a very good guy. He has beautiful kids and a beautiful wife and what’s going on right now he just needs to just talk and say, you know, whatever, I’m here man. He didn’t do anything wrong, he became famous at a young age. Once your life is under a microscope everyone wants to look at you and just nitpick everything you do so bad.”

NFL star Reggie Bush: “For those of you who think Tiger ‘won’t be the same’ after this, you guys are crazy! He’s maybe the single greatest athlete of our time!…I’m specifically speaking on Sports not talking about his personal life! This will only drive him to be greater! Golfer’s better watch out!!”

Gilles Marini: “Time heals…Go on vacation far away from all the frenzy. I don’t know what really happened. I’m curious about the golf club, more than anything else. The sexual life and what happened between them is not our problem and there’s a war going on that is more important.”

Diddy: “Ye without sin cast the 1st stone!!!! Put down your rocks sinners!!!!! Tiger keep your head up! God bless your fam Black man!”

Two Kardashians, Donald Trump, Reggie Bush and Dennis Rodman? What’d they do to get these quotes? Go stand in front of some Famous Moron Convention with a microphone? None of his supporters are even remotely surprising.

Terrell Owens’ Honey Toasted Ego

Terrell Owens Breakfast Cereal

Buffalo Bills wide receiver Terrell Owens has released his very own breakfast cereal– the very cleverly named T O’s. The concept has all the self-promotional appeal of Flutie Flakes, but without any of that bothersome altruism to get in the way.

The ever humble Owens has said that having his “beautiful handsome face” on the cover is better than making it on a box of Wheaties. As for the cereal itself, I’ve heard that it tastes exactly like Honey Nut Cheerios, except with a picture of a jackass on the outside, designed to make you lose your appetite. Maybe some of you Buffalo readers can confirm this for me?

On a related note, is anyone else as excited as I am about football season starting back up? The Hall of Fame game on Sunday is just for show, but it also heralds the start of real football season. It will be interesting to see if you can put the enormous egos of both Terrell Owens and Vince Young in the same place at the same time without ripping a hole in the fabric of the universe.

AWESOME Quotables

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“Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite — in this locker room or in Texas Stadium. With everything that has happened, obviously with the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel she has taken his focus away. Other than that, she was high on my list until last week. Oh, I got a message for her when we make the playoffs. Just stay tuned.”

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens speaks to the AP about Tony Romo’s poor performance with Jessica in the stands.