Break out the hankies, watch for a few ‘Jake is gay’ rumors to fly low, and get some earplugs – because you just know that girlfriend’s going to release a Jake-dedicated song in the coming months.
Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal have called it quits on their two-month-old relationship, and, according to sources, also claim that the couple stopped seeing each other last month. Cripes man, it’s Taylor Swift here. How did we not know. We know, by a random break into song, whenever a generic car parts salesman accidentally looks her way. The people responsible for this big cover-up? Probably the same people behind the Kennedy assassination.
I like Taylor’s virginal and innocent persona a lot – her music, eh, not so much – but the breakup is probably for the best. She seems to write her best songs when she’s been smited, and as you all know, there’s a market for practically everything out there these days. Inquiring minds wanna know, you know?
Sorry about the imminent heartbreak, guys, it must have been rough – but note to Taylor? This is why you don’t let things like this leak after only one date. It’s embarrassing when things go south so quickly, isn’t it?
What do you get for the girl who has everything? Well, what she hints for, obviously.
According to the The Sun, Jake Gyllenhaal flew to Nashville to spend this past weekend with his sweetheart Taylor Swift for her birthday. The two popped into a guitar shop to poke around and that’s when Taylor set her eyes on a Fender Gretsch signed by country music legend Chet Atkins. After creating a fuss over the guitar, Jake went back and purchased it for her. Originally it was supposed to be a token of his affection, but he later realized that it would be perfect as a birthday gift.
Smart play on Taylor’s part. It’s almost as if she couldn’t afford to buy fifty guitars on her own.
Ok, maybe that headline is a little wrong, because Taylor Swift was obviously officially namedEntertainment Weekly‘s Entertainer of the Year, that’s not a question. I guess the question is more of an incredulous “really?”
I think Taylor Swift seems like a sweet girl and everything, and I’m super excited about her new role as Jake Gyllenhaal’s beard, but Entertainer of the Year seems like a bit much. Or really, I think her overwhelming popularity seems to be a bit much. I’m sure her music’s enjoyable if you go for that sort of thing, but have you seen her live performance? It’s not that great. In fact, she’s sort of notoriously bad in concert. I’m not saying that I could do any better, I’m just saying that I was at this party last night and in between rounds of shots, a couple of my friends played that classic game, “Turn the Shitty Pop Song Into a Showtune,” and their drunken theatrical version of Ke$ha’s “Take It Off” was way better than anything I’ve ever seen Taylor do. And that definitely makes me question the integrity of this award.
Who do you guys think would have been better suited for this honor? Lady Gaga? Bristol Palin? Steve Guttenberg?
Earlier in the week, sources at People claimed that they’d seen Taylor and Jake out and about during the Thanksgiving holiday in New York City, where they ordered maple lattes at a nearby coffee bar. (And have you ever had a maple latte? Because they are to die for, and I’m not kidding when I say that I made four of them for myself this past Thanksgiving weekend, and I’m paying the price today.) Fast-forward two days and the plot thickens, as the couple was allegedly photographed at a restaurant in Nashville. The above photo is the apparent evidence that the couple does, in fact, exist. The picture was reportedly sent in to Perez Hilton by a reader who claimed that, yeah, the photo is the real deal and not a hoax manufactured somewhere on the ‘net.
So, fine readers – the pic. Real, or faked by some people who had some bored Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal-looking friends who were too poor to spend all of their money on Black Friday, so they decided to take a crazy picture at a random restaurant in Nashville instead?
I’m going to go with ‘real,’ because I so want it to be, and because the two in the photo look just exhausted by a general depletion of bodily fluids; you can just tell that these two bumped uglies all Thanksgiving and Black Friday-weekend long, and you know what? Good on them.
“Taylor never came to my defense at any interview. And rode the waves and rode it and rode it.”
- Kanye West, ranting about Taylor Swift’s behavior, during a surprise performance at NYC’s Bowery Ballroom.
I totally, 100% agree with Kanye West and I think you all need to get hip to his way of thinking.
Here’s the truth: After a year of her becoming the public’s lapdog and then condescending to him on national television with that rude-ass song she sang at the VMAs, a flat-out, “Yeezy’s not a bad dude, we’re cool,” would be the classy, right thing for her to do. It’s over a year later, he’s cried in interviews about how badly he feels about his actions and acknowledged his wrongness endlessly yet he’s still being villainized and harassed.
At this point, Taylor not publicly insisting to the public that she’s over what he did and probably a better person for it is like her way of torturing him. That leads me to believe that she’s comfortable playing the victim while actually getting everything she wants. And it’s that type of person who disgusts me the most.
Rich from FourFour, who is a total genius, put together this clip of Taylor Swift’s surprised reactions from various award shows over the past couple years and it’s pretty hilarious. I don’t know if I’ve ever noticed that Taylor is so easily thrown for a loop, but the video evidence of this goes on forever.
“Every guy who walks in my life has had fair warning that this is what I do. I’ve been this way for three albums. It’s easy for guys to forget that I write about everything because it’s my job and they’re in a relationship with me.”
- Taylor Swift spoke about her “trashing exes-only” style of songwriting to Bang Showbiz, not realizing how much it sounds like she took a page out of The Emily Gould Book of Excuses.