Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Taylor Swift

An Open Letter from Taylor Swift

photo of taylor swift pictures post-breakup photos
Hey guys and gals,

It’s your girl Taylor Swift here, and I just wanted to let you know that I’m, like, totally OK with this Harry Styles breakup thing. I really only used him for publicity, and to push that one photo that one time where I was holding a baby, because seriously: I’ve found that nothing attracts a man better than showing him that you’re a clingy, blonde-haired lady who gives great creep-eye while holding a baby like, “I’m going to be the best baby-mama ever!” And that was really my whole endgame here. I knew that picture would go viral and I knew that there would just be gads and gads of young men and … men who’d be queuing up to be my baby-daddy, so this Harry Styles thing was totally just a cover-up. Ahem. Of course.

So no, I’m totally not bumming over this at all, because surprise! I’m totally already dating someone else and I’m gonna take him home and hug him and kiss him and squeeze him with all my heart and be such a great friend and … where was I? Right. You’ll see who it is in a few days, I’m sure, and you’ll just love him as much as I already do, always and always.

Forever yours,
Bluebells and apple pies and Sunday scohol,
Sunshine and daisies and vintage hats bought on Etsy,

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles Broke Up Already

photo of taylor swift and harry styles dirty dancing lift pictures
That thing where Emily told you guys that Harry and Taylor were in “love” and in it for the long haul? That thing she mentioned the other day about the two of them tying the knot? Well, forget about it, because the whole shebang’s off, and it’s because girlfriend and boyfriend just can’t get along. SADFACE.

Did you see Taylor’s Twitter feed lately? Well, if Taylor can be expected to act like Taylor, she’s being all passive-aggressive and doing her her thing. The most telling Tweet of all says, “… ’til you put me down,” and Taylor Swift Drama Experts are saying that it’s a lyric from her song, ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’. The preceding lyric states, “Flew me to places I’d never been,” and the Tweet about being all put down and what not was fired off right around the time she got back from Virgin Gorda, where she spent the New Year with Harry Styles … who “flew [her] to places [she'd] never been” … but then she left alone. It’s been confirmed that Taylor flew off the island the very same day Harry left separately to go party at Richard Branson’s house at nearby Necker Island.

No reps for either party have confirmed, denied, or even mentioned a possible split, but I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that it’s over. I mean, honestly—when Swifty starts being all revealing on Twitter, you know shit’s about to get real.

Haylor Is Already Discussing Marriage

A photo of Harry Styles and Taylor Swift

Oh, Haylor. A love so young yet so precious. A love that has captured the heart of a generation. A love that is not as good as that 17-year-old Kennedy thing, but that’s still pretty ok. It is simply … Haylor.

Haylor, just in case you live under a merciful, protective rock, is the nickname of power couple Taylor Swift and Harry Styles. They love each other, like, a lot. So much that they’re already thinking of getting married, and that idea is apparently serious enough for Taylor’s dad to not love it so much:

One Direction’s Harry Styles has been ordered by girlfriend Taylor Swift’s dad: “Don’t break my daughter’s heart.”

The teen heart-throb has had a man-to-man chat with Scott Kingsley Swift, 60, who has guided his daughter’s glittering pop career.

A source said: “He likes Harry but he wants them to slow down and take things easy. It’s clear to everyone they are smitten with one another and already talking about marriage. He doesn’t want them to split up as fast as they’ve got together and for Taylor to end up devastated.”

After the chat, Taylor, 23, and Harry, 18, flew to the British Virginia Isles for a romantic break — their third in three months.

Oh man, wouldn’t it be so tiring to be Taylor Swift’s dad? He’s got to just be like “Taylor, you’re 23, do you have any maturity yet?” And she’d be like “I want to get married, Dad, GOD.” And then he’d be like “whatever, I’m taking one of your credit cards with me to the titty bar.” And she’d be like “you’re so gross, Dad, get out of my human sized birdcage!” And he’d wonder just where he went wrong.

But hey, I just want to note that I am absolutely sick of being teased with Taylor Swift weddings. Piss or get of the pot, sister.