Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Taylor Swift

Happy 22nd Birthday, Taylor Swift!

GO SHORTY. IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY. And you know something? The only think I probably like less in the world than you, Taylor Swift, is this song and video. It’s horrible.

But Happy Birthday. You dated Jake Gyllenhaal, and he’s hot, and I can’t take that away from you. Plus, you should have a happy birthday anyhow. GET SOME BUB. It might loosen your ass up a little bit.

We Need to Talk About The New Les Miserables Movie

Can we get into musical theatre for a minute, friends? Because that Les Mis movie is happening, and it’s happening fast. The release date is December 7th, 2012, and so far the cast includes Hugh Jackman as Val Jean, Russell Crowe as Javert, and Anne Hathaway as Fantine. Things are looking pretty good so far, but who will play the beloved Eponine?

It turns out that the four ladies in the running are Lea Michele, Scarlett Johansson, Evan Rachel Wood, and Taylor Swift. Oh. My. God.

Taylor Swift, Lea Michele, Scarlett Johansson and Evan Rachel Wood are all in the running for the highly coveted role of Eponine in Oscar-winning director Tom Hooper’s big-screen version of “Les Misérables,” sources tell us. A source close to the film confirmed that the four actors have all auditioned for the role. Another said that Michele “knocked it out of the park” when the “Glee” star — who played Young Cosette in the Broadway show — recently performed for the “King’s Speech” director. But it will be a tough choice because each star has her own magic ingredient for the musical based on Victor Hugo’s novel. “Scarlett brings acting ability, and she can really sing,” said the source. “Evan Rachel Wood brings her indie cred.” And casting Swift would mark a major move over to Hollywood films for the pop star.

You know, as much as I dislike the girl, Lea Michele is clearly the way to go here. Scarlett’s too old and just not right for the role, and you know I adore Evan Rachel Wood, and she’s definitely a strong second choice, but I’m just not feeling this for her. As for Taylor … please don’t make me explain why Taylor Swift would be a reprehensible casting choice.

Who would you pick to play Eponine?

Taylor Swift Performs “Iris” with The Goo Goo Dolls

I promised myself I would stop, I really did. I promised myself that I would cut back on my cattiness towards Taylor Swift, especially for her horrendous covers. I said “Emily, what are you doing? What good does it do to go on about your resentment of a popular yet only marginally talented country singer?” And I stopped.

Well, for like a month. Then I saw this video of Taylor performing with my beloved Goo Goo Dolls, and I’m sorry, but all bets are off. Because much like the cast of Glee covering a Bowie song, it just got a little too personal.

How are you guys feeling about this here video? Either I’m a jealous bitch or Taylor is too ridiculous, am I right?

Taylor Swift Refuses to Stop Performing Awful Covers

So what cover did Taylor go with this time? Another rap song? Perhaps some more shitty country? Killing my spirit with a half ass take on one of my favorites?

None of the above! Instead, Taylor went with Switchfoot’s “Dare You to Move,” because of course she did.

I just don’t like her. I’m sorry. You can get all in a tizz over how popular she is and how many awards she’s gotten and how sweet she is, and that’s fine, those are all facts, but none of those things mean that she’s a talented, precious gift to this world. She gets on my nerves. And that’s ok.

Are you loving Taylor’s latest musical stylings?

Katherine Heigl’s Best Friends Include Taylor Swift and Jon Bon Jovi

A photo of Katherine Heigl

Who would have thunk it, right? I thought Taylor Swift was too sweet and Jon Bon Jovi was too awesome to cavort with the likes of Katherine Heigl, but it looks like I was wrong. If you hear Katherine tell it, she’s the most friendly lady in all the land:

When Katherine wasn’t busy filming [for New Year’s Eve, she joined husband Josh Kelly on the road where he was touring with Taylor Swift … and the two blondes totally hit it off.

“I adore that girl,” Katherine told us on the carpet. “I was so excited to meet her! I tried to keep it cool but after chatting for only 20 minutes I was like ‘we’re best friends now!’ She is so sweet and down to earth.”

Coincidentally, Taylor was in the NYE prequel Valentine’s Day. Heigl has been hamming it up with musicians everywhere. In New Year’s Eve, the former Grey’s Anatomy star gets up close and personal with Jon Bon Jovi.

“I play a caterer that gets the gig to cater the big, fancy New Year’s Eve party in New York,” she told us. “Her ex-boyfriend, played by Jon Bon Jovi, is a very famous, big-time musician, comes back to play Times Square.”

“And yes, we totally make out,” laughed Katherine.

“It’s really interesting talking to Jon about his career and all the little things that I now know about from my husband, like the lingo and when you’re touring, how do you feel bout your rider,” Heigl laughed, adding: “I dropped in as much music lingo as I could!”

Ugh. Is that the most irritating nonsense you’ve ever heard or what? Seriously, is it? Sometimes someone just bugs me to the point where everything they ever say or do or wear or think is ridiculous and annoying and awful. I’m human too, ok?!

Taylor Swift Has a Concert, T.I. (… Wait, What?) Joins Her On Stage

First. UNNHH. How hot is T.I.? I’m not one to crush on the rapper-types, as I find a lot of them kind of pretentious and crappy and self-involved, but T.I. is HOT HOT HOT. Taylor Swift, on the other hand? Well. I don’t know. Not so much. You know how we kind of collectively feel about Taylor Swift around these parts, so I’ll give her a free pass on this one and move on to the good points. How about all that screaming? I didn’t know there were many Taylor Swift fans that were also T.I. fans, and vice versa.

Sorry about the poor audio. You know how it goes sometimes.

Love It or Leave It: Taylor Swift Is A Hot Crocheted Mess

A photo of Taylor Swift

You guys, of course the title of “Love It or Leave It” is just a formality. Of course we’re leaving it, we’re leaving it back at our great-grandmother’s house on her coffee table where it belongs.

Taylor Swift, honestly. What is this girl doing with herself these days? I’ll tell you what: nothing good. I mean, Tay-Tay seems sweet and everything, but there is just something about her that gets on my last nerve, you know? Anybody else?