Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Taylor Swift

New Taylor Swift Music! New Taylor Swift Music!

A photo of Taylor Swift

And that’s the cover of the very first single from her new album. Like, for real. That’s really it. It’s actually called “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” Here’s the song itself:

Taylor is 22 years old. Does everyone remember that? 22. Good lord.

The new album is titled Red, which sounds very mature, and it will be released on October 22nd. A while back, someone asked Taylor about the songs she’d been writing for her new album, and she answered “they’re sad, if I’m being honest.” Because allegedly? A lot of the songs are about her parents’ divorce. Which, by the way, hasn’t happened yet. They’re just separated, they don’t want to actually file for divorce yet because they don’t want to hurt Taylor. Who, just in case you forgot, is 22 years old.

But hey, who do you think Taylor’s new song is about? Probably John Mayer, I’d wager. I imagine that Jake Gyllenhaal* and Taylor Lautner have long since found new beards to love and leave since their brushes with the Swift.

*Real quick, Taylor has gone from Jake Gyllenhall to this floppy-headed kid. What an unbelievable downgrade, am I right?

Taylor Swift is Really, Really Desperate

photo of taylor swift and conor kennedy pictures
And just how desperate is Taylor Swift? Well, let’s just say this: she’s desperate enough to clinch a future with the Kennedy family that she purchased a house right next door to the one where her eighteen-year-old almost-jailbait boyfriend, Conor Kennedy, lives with his family.

Remember how Emily mentioned to you that Taylor was considering purchasing a house in the general Kennedy area? Well it apparently isn’t a rumor, because it’s been confirmed that the house has been bought and paid for by Taylor herself. From People:

The Nashville-based singer, 22, who is dating Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s son Conor, 18, has bought a house in Hyannis Port, Mass., across the street from Conor’s grandmother Ethel, according to several reports.

A realtor in Hyannis, Mass., confirmed the purchase to PEOPLE, saying Swift bought the property last week.

“It’s in a beautiful location and right across the street from Conor and the Kennedys,” the realtor says. “It’s a beautiful home. She got a nice home, paid fair price. The house was on the market for two to four years.”

So. I’ve just got to ask: what’s going to become of the home when Conor finally grows up and dumps Taylor’s ass? Is she going to just sell it? No, no; I hardly think that’s going to be the case. No, I think Taylor’s going to go all I-was-spurned-by-a-Kennedy, so now I’m going to burn this house to the ground and play my guitar out front while the structure smolders, and I’m going to give my ex-boyfriend’s house the tear-filled eye of I-hate-you-so-so-much SQUEE.

Taylor Swift Is The New Jackie O

A photo of Conor Kennedy and Taylor Swift

This might be a little premature, but I think that Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy might be my favorite new couple of 2012. It’s definitely not Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis or John Mayer and Katy Perry, who are the only other important couples I can think of right now. But Taylor and Conor (Swennedy?) are just so fresh, so enthralling, so illegal! There’s a lot to love. There’s a whole lot to love.

For instance, there’s this little tidbit from the Enquirer (via Celebitchy) all about how Conor is such a player that he might break little Tay-Tay’s heart:

“Everyone has been reminding Taylor that Kennedy men are notorious womanizers,” said a source close to the 22-year-old. “There’s a long history in that family of cheating, and she should just run for the hills! But Taylor just laughs it off, at one point saying, ‘Don’t be silly, Conor has a heart of gold.’”

“Taylor and Conor have taken over the Kennedy compound,” revealed the source. “If they aren’t sailing or tossing around a football on the lawn, they’re strolling the grounds hand-in-ahnd or smooching under a tree.”

Now Taylor is looking to buy a nearby $4.9 mansion. Said the source: “She and Conor remind people of a young John and Jackie Kennedy – they’re the talk of the town!”

AHAHAHA. There’s so much hilarity in that little story, isn’t there? I don’t think Conor Kennedy is a womanizer, nor do I think he has a heart of gold: I think he’s just an 18-year-old kid who’s amazed because a girl is letting him touch her boob. Under the bra, probably. Seriously, look at that guy. Does he really look capable of womanizing? And I don’t think I even have to explain the absurdity of the “she and Conor remind people of a young John and Jackie Kennedy” part. Because no. That never happened.

But wait, there’s more! Taylor and Conor (Kennewift?) are getting so serious that Taylor took Conor back home to Nashville to meet her parents. Some girl on Twitter even took a creepy picture as proof:

A photo of Tayor Swift and her parents

Man, this relationship is serious. Where do you think Taylor and Conor (Taynnedy?) stayed while they were in Nashville? Do you think they slept in the same bed?

Taylor Swift Robbed The Cradle

A photo of Conor Kennedy and Taylor Swift

You know how Taylor Swift is dating little Conor Kennedy? And you know how I said that it was weird that Taylor, 22, is dating an 18-year-old? Well, it’s about to get weirder, because it turns out that Conor hasn’t even been 18 for a month yet. Nope, his birthday is on July 24th, and the first sighting of the couple happened on the very next day. Suspicious?

From the New York Post:

Could Taylor Swift be a Kennedy cougar? Sources tell us the country singing star, 22, kicked off her friendship with Conor Kennedy months ago, when he was still a minor. We’re told Conor’s cousins would accompany them on dates, but the family insisted they wait until after he turned 18 to come out as a couple.

Now People magazine reports: “Their romance became quite public on July 25 — just a day after Conor’s 18th birthday — with a hand-holding pizza outing in his hometown of Mount Kisco, NY.” Since then, the two have been spotted kissing in public, and a source tells us, “They’ve already said, ‘I love you.’ ” However, a rep for Swift insisted, “This is not true.”

So yeah, Taylor was definitely dating a 17-year-old. She was in Massachusetts for the 4th of July, remember, when everyone thought she was dating Patrick Schwarzenegger? And guess who they were hanging out with? Little Conor Kennedy. Taylor’s forbidden fruit. Scandalous.

Quotables: The Kennedy Family is, Like, So Happy That Taylor Swift is Joining Them

photo of taylor swift dating a kennedy pictures

“She’s awesome. She’s a great friend of all of ours. [As for Taylor becoming a permanent addition to the Kennedy family someday] we should be so lucky.”

This is an actual quote from Rory Kennedy, who is an aunt of Taylor Swift’s new boyfriend, Conor Kennedy. BAM.

OK, am I the only one totally about to barf here? Could there seriously be more verbal flogging going around the Kennedy family and out of Taylor Swift’s mouth here? Because ugh. First, the kid’s eighteen years old. He’s probably still only interested in boobs and vagina and how often he can touch both of them in a month’s time and not even considering what it would be like to marry a bitch and watch her succumb to some kind of mysterious fate like suicides, plane crashes, or car accidents.

One step at a time, guys, OK?

Taylor Swift Is Dating A Kennedy Now

A photo of Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy

You see that little ragamuffin up there, that tall, lanky kid with the unkempt hair and the douchey shorts with his arm around Taylor Swift? That’s Conor Kennedy, 18-year-old son of Robert Kennedy, Jr. That’s also Taylor’s boyfriend.

From People:

Over the Fourth of July, Taylor Swift was photographed hugging Patrick Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver’s son. But now it appears that Conor Kennedy, the son of Robert Kennedy Jr. and the late Mary Kennedy, is actually Taylor’s love interest. He is pictured just to the right of Swift in the same photo – and the two have been spending lots of time together.

On July 25, Swift, 22, and Kennedy, 18, enjoyed slices at Kennedy family favorite Marcella’s Pizza in his hometown, Mount Kisco, N.Y., and “walked out hand-in-hand,” according to a source. Earlier that day, Kennedy was appointed as the administrator of his late mom’s $2.1 million-plus estate, according to the Boston Herald.

Days later, the pair grabbed pizza again and visited with his grandmother, Ethel Kennedy. And on July 29, they lunched with friends at Baxter’s on Cape Cod where she ate chicken fingers and sat next to Kennedy. Swift “was smiling a lot and she looked happy,” says an observer.

The New York Post also reports that the couple were seen kissing and holding hands over the weekend.

Swift has been open about her love for all things Kennedy. She said she was “starstruck” when she met Caroline and Ethel in January, and has called Jackie Kennedy a style inspiration.

And the Kennedy’s seem to admire the Grammy-winning country star as well. On Dec. 3, Swift will be honored by the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights for her commitment to social change, especially her work against bullying and LGBT discrimination. Ethel Kennedy will present the award.

I know that Taylor Swift has the mentality of an eighth grader, but she’s 22. Isn’t it a little weird that she’s dating an 18-year-old? Not weird like “oh, so gross, Taylor Swift is robbing the cradle,” but just weird in that when I was 22 (two whole years ago), I would have never ever even considered the possibility of dating an 18-year-old boy. It just seems like even though it’s only a difference of four years, those four years are some really important ones. And maybe Conor is mature for his age, but judging solely by his hair, I really don’t think so.

But hey, do you think this could be the relationship that really sticks for Taylor? LOL, I doubt it, but I hope Taylor has fun playing pretend for a couple of months.

Maria Shriver Doesn’t Want That Floozy, Taylor Swift, Coming Near Her Son

A photo of Taylor Swift

“I don’t want that slutty whore touching my baby boy! Tell her to keep her filthy whore hands to her filthy whore self, because if she comes nosin’ around my house, I got a shotgun that’ll nose right back! She ain’t nothin’ but trash, and I won’t have that, not for my son. If she wants a new man, she can go to the STREET CORNER or the DUMP, not my neighborhood. I’m ain’t havin’ it.”

- Maria Shriver on why she doesn’t want Taylor Swift dating her son, Patrick Schwarzenegger*.

But yeah, remember how Taylor spent her Fourth of July with little Patrick? We weren’t sure if they were dating or if they were just hanging out, but whatever it was then, it looks like it’s getting a little more serious now. Serious enough for Maria Shriver to tell her to move along.

From the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Maria Shriver doesn’t want Taylor Swift singing any love songs to her hunk son Patrick Schwarzenegger — and she’s told the country supersar to take a hike. Maria fears Taylor will chew him up, spit him out and then write a song about him as she’s done with previous famous boyfriends.

“Maria got word to Taylor and warned her not to get any ideas about datingPatrick,” revealed an insider. “She basically told Taylor to ‘back off.’”

The singer was photographed cozying up to recent high school grad Patrick at an Independence Day gathering at the Kennedys’ Hyannis Port, Mass., compound.

Taylor is a longtime Kennedy family friend, and an excited Patrick tweeted that the festivities were “the best 4th of July I could ask for.”

Said the insider: “Maria is worried that Taylor will lead Patrick on and then leave his heart shattered in a million pieces, like she’s done with other guys.”

While Maria thinks Taylor is a sweet girl, “she’s 100 percent opposed to Patrick dating her,” said the insider. “He’s entering the University of Southern California in the fall and she doesn’t want anything distracting him.”

Poor Taylor Swift. One way or another, it seems like she’s always looking for love in all the wrong places. But that’s an interesting theory that Maria has in that story up there: do you think Taylor Swift gets her heart broken with every relationship she has, as her music would have us believe, or do you think that she’s really just one of those psychotic girlfriends who destroys all the guys she dates, just so she’ll have material for her songs?

That kind of thought almost makes me feel sorry for John Mayer. Almost.

*This isn’t a direct quote**.

**I don’t think.