And there you have it, folks. Sting is not the self-proclaimed sex god that he professed to be decades ago. It was a misspeak and a gradual series of events that made half of the world’s population want to ride atop Sting’s Tantric Golden Stinger. Sorry to burst your bubble, guys, but it’s just not true.

When I think of super-hot sex, the last thing I think of is Sting. Partially because I’m not forty-five, and partially because monogamous, married sex is not my thing. I’m joking about one of those things, but I’ll let you be the judge as to which. :P

Sting and his wife of eighteen years were recently interviewed by Harper’s Bazaar about the longest thing they’ve ever had – their relationship and their mutual love for one another – and discussed just what it is that makes their respective clocks tick:

“I like the theatre of sex. I like to look good. I like her to dress up. I like to dress her up.”

They also think that absence makes the heart grow fonder:

“We don’t get bored. Being apart juices the relationship.”

And after being asked how Sting and Trudie like it in the bedroom, Sting replied:

“Romantic? We like tawdry.”

At the end of the photo shoot, Sting cheekily quipped:

“That was like tantric filmmaking.”

Ugh. Surprise – the father of tantric sex still likes campy sex and cheesy lines. Yawn.  Welcome back to the eighties, guys.

In all honesty, though, I think it’s super cute that Sting and wife are still way into one another. To be together, and married, for eighteen-plus years is a huge achievement in Hollywood, and a lot of couples aspire to that kind of thing, so kudos on whatever Sting and Trudie are doing to keep it all alive.

It’s probably all those boys on the side.

On BOTH sides.

Elton John, Lady Gaga, Sting, Debbie Harry, Shirley Bassey, and Bruce Springsteen sang “Don’t Stop Believin’.”  At the same time.  And it was amazing.

These moments of magic happened on Thursday night at Carnegie Hall as a finale to Sting’s annual benefit to raise money for the rainforests, which just adds to the awesome.  Somebody in the audience caught a shaky, not-so-excellent-quality video, but that person should get a medal or at least a certificate for documenting this monumental moment in history.

I may not be a Lady Gaga fan, but Elton John and Sting?  Come on. Just check Elton John out in that video and you will see that he is the undeniable king of beautiful songs and rose-tinted glasses.

Sting, otherwise known as Gordan Matthew Thomas Sumner, has gotta be a stoner.  He speaks out via blog and discusses an issue that some consider taboo and forbidden — the legalization of marijuana.  Sting states:

“The ‘War on Drugs’ has failed – but it’s worse than that. It is actively harming our society. Violent crime is thriving in the shadows to which the drug trade has been consigned. People who genuinely need help can’t get it. Neither can people who need medical marijuana to treat terrible diseases.  We are spending billions, filling up our prisons with non-violent offenders and sacrificing our liberties.  For years, the ‘Drug War’ has been used as a pretext to lock people in prison for exorbitant lengths of time – people whose ‘crimes’ never hurt another human being, people who already lived at the margins of society, whose voices were the faintest and whose power was the least.  Meanwhile, resources to fight genuine crime – violent crime – have been significantly diminished.”

It’s not surprising that Sting’s a supporter of pot — anyone who rocks that mountain-man facial hair and wears Free People sweaters has gotta toke it up once in awhile.  Come on, where do you think he got the inspiration for his mad zen-tantric sex moves?

Oh, yeah, and do you agree with the music man’s sentiments?

Last night was Oceana’s 2008 Partners Award Gala held at the home of Jena and Michael King.  Trudie Styler, Sting and former President Bill Clinton were recognized for their work to help save our oceans.

Hostess Jena King and actress January Jones wore marine themed shades of blue (or green depending on your monitor settings)…trite but at least not black!  If I had a celeb-like body, I’d wear taxicab yellow every day of my life.  Do Hollywood women now fear color as much as they fear eating, aging and gravity?  In fairness, a couple ladies did trailblaze and branch out into the charcoal palette. 

Elle MacPherson gets all cuddly with Sting at the London premiere of Living Proof.

Don’t worry, Trudie was there, keeping an eye on things from afar.