You guys remember Elisabetta Canalis, right? She dated George Clooney for a while, she was on Dancing with the Stars, and then she creeped everybody out when she called her relationship with George “more of a father-daughter relationship.” Other notable achievements include posing nude for PETA and posing nearly nude on the beach. Are we caught up?

Good. Because super hot Elisabetta Canalis went from hooking up with that fine man you see above to hooking up with this:

But how? How do you go from George Clooney to Steve-O? How is that even possible? I’m asking those same questions right now, you guys. Even though Radar gave me the answer, along with the original scoop:

Dancing with the Stars alums Elisabetta Canalis and Steve-O have been getting quite cozy as of late, a source tells RadarOnline.comexclusively.

The reality stars met through mutual friends and hit it off straight away and have been spotted dining and canoodling around Hollywood.

“Steve makes Elisabetta laugh, and that’s her weakness. That was her favorite thing about George Clooney-he was always cracking her up and playing practical jokes on her,” the source shares. “Believe it or not, George has a little Jack Ass in him, and ever since Steve-O got sober, he’s very sensitive and introspective, so Elisabetta is getting the best of both worlds.

“They’re not serious yet, but they are definitely hanging out, and hooking up. They are trying to stay under the radar, so they mostly hang out at her place and watch movies and order in. But they also hit some low key restaurants around her neighborhood too.”

Well, ok. I’ll buy that sober Steve-O seems to be a hell of a lot more manageable than not sober Steve-O, but … it’s still Steve-O, you know? It’s still the guy that has penis tattoos and it’s still the guy that makes a living rolling around in shit. And that guy still has the same voice, that awful, indescribable, horrible voice. And I’m saying this as a fan, even. As a girl who enjoys watching Steve-O be himself, I cannot, not ever, imagine “hooking up” with this dude.

What about you guys? Did Elisabetta downgrade? Would you ever hook up with Steve-O?

So I finally watched the Roast of Charlie Sheen yesterday—it aired Monday night, yes, but I was busy—and I have to admit this Roast was pretty good. Not Bob Saget good, but then again, what is?

There was a real likelihood of the evening falling flat. How do you parody a parody? How do you make light of wife-beating? And who invites Mike Tyson to do stand-up, even? But the jokes were scathing, and the Roast bit to the quick. I’ve rolled my eyes at Charlie Sheen‘s recent I-Don’t-Have-a-Job Humble Pie Remorse Tour, and I don’t like him, but he sure did take his lumps like a champ. (Some critics are saying the jokes weren’t mean enough, but seriously, how many more jokes about Sheen ruining his kids’ lives did we really need?)

Warming Glow has compiled a comprehensive guide to some of the best zings of the night. Here’s a sampling.

Comedian Anthony Jeselnik, to Charlie Sheen:

- “Every minute of your life looks like the first two minutes of SVU.”

- “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” (Cut to actor Richard Kind, in the audience, having a heart attack.)

Jeffrey Ross:

- “If you’re ‘winning’, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns. Don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?”

Jon Lovitz:

- “How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men!”

Amy Schumer:

- “You’re just like Bruce Willis: you were big in the ’80s, and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.”

Steve-O of Jackass:

- “Charlie still hasn’t hit rock bottom. He’s looking forward to it, though, because he thinks there’s a rock there.”

Charlie, on Charlie:

- “You are all worthy adversaries. But you can’t kill me. Because I can’t kill me.”

The Roast’s guests also roasted one another, as per usual. Actress Kate Walsh, to William Shatner:

- “I’m so, so happy to see that William Shatner is here, because a medical colleague had told me that you’d passed on. I said, ‘Bullsh—t. You ever seen his resume? Shatner’s never passed on anything.”

Rips on Mike Tyson:

- Seth MacFarlane: “He’s a guy who’s beaten every opponent he’s gone up against—except the letter ‘S.’”

- Jeffrey Ross: “Your opponents spent more time bleeding in the corner than Charlie’s ex-wives.”

According to a completely unscientific survey, the evening belonged to comedians Jeffrey Ross and Anthony Jeselnik. Seth MacFarlane was a wonderful roastmaster, and Shatner finished the evening strong. The real #winner, though, was Comedy Central itself: with 6.4 million viewers, it was the highest rated Roast yet.

Despite some uneasy jokes, the mood was positive, and there was also a recurring theme about redemption or whatever. Then, after the Roast was already over, Steve-O finally, successfully broke his own nose against Mike Tyson’s fist. There Steve-O stood, triumphant and stone-sober, even as his nose began to squirt blood.

Here’s William Shatner, dispensing some sage NSFW advice (“Prostitutes cost a lot of money, Charlie. Hasn’t anyone told you that actresses will sleep with you for free?”):

Despite being hit on the head with a baseball bat Friday night, Bam is already out of the hospital and at home.  I guess when you get into everything that Bam does, you bounce back more easily than other people.  According to Steve-O, fellow Jackass star, he was in intensive care overnight, but he thinks “he’s gonna be ok.”  There’s still no word yet on what caused the fight in the first place.

You can look at pictures of Bam being attended to by EMTs here if you’re into that sort of thing, or you can watch Bam and his friends parody some Real Housewives. Hint:  go ahead and watch the parody, it’s pretty lovely.

It’s so great to see that some things never change.

Steve-O recently appeared on Lopez Tonight and showed his support (and his penis) for Kate Gosselin during her stint on Dancing With the Stars.

Aw, hey, Kate. You’ve got a fan, even if he is kind of unhinged, but then again, aren’t they all?

I’d love to see these two shacking up in the near future. It’d make for great press. And it’d be about forty steps up from Jon Gosselin, which isn’t saying a lot. At all. Ever.

Video courtesy of TMZ.com

Perez Hilton held his 31st birthday party yesterday at the Viper Room nightclub in West Hollywood. For someone who talks a lot of trash about celebrities, making juvenile comments about their love lives and appearances, a lot of them showed up at his party. This means that I can still hold out hope that Clive Owen will turn up at my 31st birthday party, no matter how big of a bitch I am on this blog.

Paris Hilton & boyfriend Doug Reinhardt, Amanda Bynes, Steve-O, and a very different looking Ashley Tisdale (holding hands with a lady friend) were in attendance, amongst others. The Jonas Brothers “rushed over” from the Kid’s Choice awards to sing Happy Birthday, and Christina Aguilera did her best Marilyn Monroe impression of a breathy “Happy Birthday Mr. Perez-ident.”

“I’m not thrilled with the number 31,” Hilton, whose real name is Mario Lavandeira, said on the pink carpet in front of the Viper Room nightclub. “But I am super excited that, right now, I’m happier in my life than I ever have been before.”

Hilton bragged that the first gift he received was from “High School Musical” heartthrob Zac Efron.

“He sent me a bottle of champagne to my hotel room, which made me squeal like a little school girl,” he gushed.

Party attendee Paris Hilton seems to have contracted Victoria Beckham’s “Every Day I Look More and More Like a Robot” disease. Note the cut on boyfriend Reinhardt’s lip, a souvenir of Friday night’s scuffle with a bodyguard at Fontainebleau.

“My urge to stay sober, today, is way stronger than my urge to get fucked up. I truly pray to keep it that way … I’m going door-to-door from rehab to a sober house. Woo-hoo!”

Steve-O, who’s currently in treatment for alcoholism and drug abuse.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually proud of Steve-O right now.

A GOODBYE LETTER TO MY DRUGS OF CHOICE

At this point,
All you fucking things are good for is dying. I’m not
ready to die. I’m ready to live. I’m ready to breathe
(properly, even). I’m ready to fall in love. I’m ready
to become ready to start a family. I’m ready to be
happy, fulfilled and meaningful. Maybe I’ll see you
fukkers if and/or when I’m ready to die.

Steve-O

From his most recent MySpace blog.

“They call it “code 5150,” that means “psycho,” legally, fuckin bat-shit, certifiably. I’m outta my mind, believe-you-me. How’d I get this way? How can this be? It’s gotten so bad there’s nothing left of me.” -Steve-O

Those words were written during a “low.” Before the day when Johnny Knoxville, Jeff Tremaine, Big Regg, Swizz, Rick Kosick, Dimitry Elyaschevich, Cordell Mansfield, and Trip Taylor came to my home and, physcially, forced me into the hospital (where I was placed on a 5150 “hold”), I had thought of “bipolar” as a “good” thing. I rationally deduced that, with our time in this life being so limited, it was productive to stick to nothing but extremely high “highs”, and extremely low “lows.” ANYTHING but to “crash on the rocks of mediocrity.” I figured that, since I am an extraordinarily “tough” individual, I could handle it, and my legacy would be comprised of only that which could be described as “intense.” After four days in a psychiatric ward (a.k.a. “looney bin,” a.k.a. “cuckoo’s nest”) it has dawned on me that a great deal of what I produced, while on narcotics-induced “highs,” was a bunch of manic bullshit that made little-to-no sense and, furthermore, was devastating to those who love me the most. At this point, I am no longer “5150-status” (which was the three-day “hold” on me, resulting from suicidal behavior). I am now “5250-status” (which means that the “hold” has been extended to 14 days, for the exact same reasons). I’m not getting out of this “insane asylum” any time in the immediate future, so, I’m going to learn as much from the experience as possible. So far, I’ve figured out that I did a great deal of damage to my brain by abusing drugs and, now that they’ve all worn off, I’m facing the consequences. I suppose it is an ironic “eye for an eye” situation that I am in, coping with the lowest “lows” that I’ve ever experienced-as a form of punishment for the emotional distress that I have put my loved ones through with the self-destructive behavior that led me here.

I already know that I will be handing these pages over to my beautiful assistant, Jen Moore, during our next visitation, and instructing her to share them with as many people as possible on the Internet (rather than try to sell a “juicy” story to the tabloid press for profit). I hope that I haven’t disappointed too many of my fans. Actually, ya know what? Anyone that is disappointed by any of these words really doesn’t matter to me. I’ve harmed myself to no end for those people (at the expense of my loved ones), and look where it got me.

Now, what do I have to add? The research I did into the immortality of the soul, the end of life in our current bodies, and the 4th dimension, was, by no means a bunch of bullshit. I could stand before you all and say very similar words to the ones I say in the following clip, it’s just that I happened to be under the influence of a very dangerous amount of drugs when it was filmed:

Remember, everyone, “Be real careful, don’t misbehave…That’s all you gotta know to be saved…” -me

I Love You All, Steve-O

P.S. I’m really in the looney bin, but I think it was TJ that read my mind. Is that right, are you TJ? Maybe I’m wrong…

Jackass star Steve-O, in an email to his friends.

If there’s a good reason for me to run this email and give this guy more attention, it’s this: This life — the life that this guy was living — is not what it seems. It is not all crazy fun and good times and carefree shenanigans. There’s a lot of darkness behind the facade. There’s nothing free and wonderful and exciting about a self-destructing drug addiction, no matter how much money and celebrity you manage to garner in the process of exploiting your own disease.

To put it simply: Don’t try this at home.

Here’s some dumbass video Steve-O made after he got out of jail earlier in the month.

He claims he’s sober, but you can actually see the cocaine up his nose.

That’s hot.

Steve-O is currently in the psych ward at Cedars-Sinai, and was charged on Thursday with felony cocaine possession.

You’re so cool, dude. I wish I were cool like you.

Wow. I totally did not see this one coming.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

After emailing a suicide note to several friends and making this video, it seems our good friend Steve-O has landed himself in the Cedars-Sinai psych ward, Britney’s alma mater.

Psych wards are totally the new rehab!!!

According to an insider, he was taken to the emergency room on Sunday afternoon. After drug tests, he was checked into the Thalians Mental Health Center — known for doing crisis intervention — where he was put on a 72-hour hold. That has since been extended to 14 days, Star has learned.

“Steve is stabilized on meds at this point,” the source told Star. “He was also treated for burns on his skin as if he had been putting cigarettes out on his own body.”

Friends and family have become increasingly concerned about the star’s mental state, especially following his March 3 arrest following a dispute with a neighbor. Days after, a close family member told Star that Steve-O — real name Stephen Glover — suffers from untreated bipolar disorder.

“Right now he’s in his extreme mania,” the family member said. “His concerned friends and family are hoping he’ll seek treatment. He doesn’t need jail, he needs therapy. We’re just really hoping that this will be the wake-up call that gets him back to himself.”

But the situation escalated over the weekend when Steve-O, 33, e-mailed suicide notes to several friends, blaming a broken romance. Eventually a woman friend and his bodyguard took him to the hospital around 2pm on Sunday. But he caused a major scene in the hospital, says one insider.

“Steve started flipping out. He told doctors he wanted to hurt himself badly. He wanted to break every bone in his body one by one.”

Yeah, Steve-O needs meds. Meds and AA!!!

Get some help, kiddo.

I don’t know why I keep giving this kid publicity.

Maybe it’s because I feel like, as long as we’re writing about him, he’s incentivized not to kill himself or others. Because, like, when we stop writing about him, this dude’s totally going to take an entire elementary school hostage. Mark my words.

Anyway.

Watch at your own risk.

Really, dude, don’t you think it’s about time you check into rehab? I mean, just for show? This is getting ridiculous.

Steve-O is being held at an LAPD police station on $20,000 bail.

He was arrested at 5 a.m. this morning at his apartment after a neighbor called in complaining about vandalism at the apartment building.

I mean, aren’t you tired of this already, Stevie? Get some help.