Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Stephen Colbert

David Letterman Wouldn’t Have Chosen Stephen Colbert As His Replacement

david letterman tonight show

David Letterman‘s final broadcast at the helm of The Late Show is in less than a month, and then Stephen Colbert will take over his desk. While Colbert will no doubt do an awesome job, and Letterman totally endorses him, he also admitted that he had no say in Colbert getting the job and actually, he would have picked a woman or a black comedian to host the show.

From The New York Times:

Did you have any involvement in choosing Stephen Colbert as your successor?

No. Not my show. When we sign off, we’re out of business with CBS. I always thought Jon Stewart would have been a good choice. And then Stephen. And then I thought, well, maybe this will be a good opportunity to put a black person on, and it would be a good opportunity to put a woman on. Because there are certainly a lot of very funny women that have television shows everywhere. So that would have made sense to me as well.

But you were not consulted?

[shakes head no] Mm-mmm.

Did that bother you?

Yeah, I guess so. Just as a courtesy, maybe somebody would say: “You know, we’re kicking around some names. Do you have any thoughts here?” But it doesn’t bother me now. At the time, I had made the decision [to leave] and I thought, O.K., this is what comes when you make this decision.

Letterman was also asked if he has any advice for Colbert, but he doesn’t because “he isn’t a kid, he isn’t a beginner” – and fair enough on that. Frankly, I can’t wait to see what Colbert brings to the show, though likely I won’t watch much of it anyway since I’m never up that late and always forget to watch stuff on Hulu+ or whatever unless it’s for someone I really, really wanted to see.

Who would you have chosen to run The Late Show? By the way, if you’re a Letterman fan, I recommend reading the entirety of the Times piece. Really good stuff.

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Stephen Colbert Will Replace David Letterman on ‘The Late Show’

stephen colbert david letterman

It was only a few short days ago when David Letterman revealed that he planned to pack in as the host of The Late Show sometime in 2015, and speculation on who would be named as his replacement has been rampant ever since.

Turns out, we didn’t have to wait very long to find out, as Stephen Colbert was announced as the new host of The Late Show on Thursday afternoon – and good for him! I’m a big fan of The Colbert Report, and he seems like such a genuinely awesome guy, so that’s amazing!

“Simply being a guest on David Letterman’s show has been a highlight of my career. I never dreamed that I would follow in his footsteps, though everyone in late night follows Dave’s lead,” Colbert, 49, says in a statement. “I’m thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth.”

That being said, I am a little concerned how he’ll translate his trademark sarcasm, biting satire and political commentary from cable to network TV. Also, I really wonder whether we’re going to get Stephen Colbert the character, like on the Report, or actual Stephen Colbert (which might be really weird/not go over well since it’s not what we’re used to).

So yeah, overall I’m pretty stoked but I’m also kind of uncertain. That being said, I’m not sure who would have been better. Part of me would have been pretty happy for someone other than a middle-aged white man to take the desk, but then… Colbert is really excellent, so I’m torn.

What do you think? Excited?

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Stephen Colbert Is Writing a Children’s Book!

Does anyone remember when, a month ago, Stephen Colbert interviewed children’s book author Maurice Sendak? And it was priceless?

I didn’t get around to linking to Part II of the interview, because I suck, but better late than never, right? Hey! Look! There it is!

In Part II, Colbert pitches his idea for a kids’ book to Sendak. The book’s title? I Am a Pole. Really.

Now the American dream has become a reality! The Hollywood Reporter:

Stephen Colbert has made good on his promise to famed children’s author Maurice Sendak that he would “cash in” on the wave of children’s books by celebrity authors. Grand Central Books announced today that it would publish Colbert’s I Am a Pole (And So Can You!) on May 8.

Colbert pitched the idea of a book about a flagpole’s search for its identity during a two-part interview in late January with Sendak, author of Where the Wild Things Are. The interview became a viral sensation, and Colbert’s fans pushed for an actual book.

Colbert even got Sendak to endorse the project in the announcement. The book is “terribly ordinary,” Sendak says, but “the sad thing is I like it.”

Colbert adds, “I hope the minutes you and your loved ones spend reading it are as fulfilling as the minutes I spent writing it.”

I am so excited! (I am also thrilled for The Colbert Report to come back on air. Godspeed, Steve!)

Watch This: Maurice Sendak Doesn’t Like Newt Gingrich, or Anybody, Really

“But Newt Gingrich is an idiot. …There is something so hopelessly gross and vile about him that it’s hard to take him seriously. So let’s not take him seriously.”

Maurice Sendak, author of Where The Wild Things Are, responds to Stephen Colbert’s assertion that “children don’t have a work ethic.”

I love Maurice Sendak. As you’ll recall, he “can’t stand” Gwyneth Paltrow, called Salman Rushdie a “flaccid f—khead,” and is glad Roald Dahl is dead. But Sendak is so nice! So it’s all very funny! He is basically the best ever.

Lately he doesn’t like Newt Gingrich either. Honestly, if Gingrich is just an “idiot,” he is getting off pretty light.

Sendak also dislikes “adults,” which pretty well wraps up most of the rest of humankind. Sendak doesn’t know who Vin Diesel is, but if he had an inkling, Sendak might dislike Vin Diesel, too. I mean, it’s a pretty good bet.

This whole Colbert interview is great. Sendak thinks a Where The Wild Things Are book and movie sequel would be, not only boring, but “the most boring idea imaginable!”

Sendak does call Colbert a “man of little imagination,” but I shared Sendak’s astonishment when Colbert went on to hold up a literal bag of dicks. Watch the interview. It’s amazing.

Stephen Colbert Has The Best “It Gets Better” Video

It’s just clips for days around here, huh? But really, how am I supposed to help it? Hot vampire sex and Ryan Gosling giggling – I have a soul, you know. I can’t keep those things all to myself.

But anyway, you guys know how much I love Stephen Colbert, right? And you guys should know how much I love, like, love and equality and that sort of thing. So of course the combination of those two things just sets my heart aglow.

What’s your favorite “It Gets Better” video? Are you completely over them, or do you think they still serve a purpose? Let’s talk about the issues, people.

Stephen Colbert’s Commencement Speech: the Drinking Game!

Stephen Colbert

Yesterday, Stephen Colbert delivered the 2011 commencement address to Northwestern’s graduating class.

To help you through all 21 minutes of Colbert’s speech, I have assembled this handy-dandy Drinking Game! It is very collegiate, challenging the fortitude of your delicate organ tissues.

Please note: Drinking Game Participation shall be in strict accordance with the laws and bylaws of players’ respective counties, states, provinces, whatevers, et al. Note, too: I have also assumed that participants are just lonely enough to sit at their laptop computers and drink directly from Beam bottles. Play at your own risk.

The conditions of the Game are delineated below:

1.) Drink anytime Stephen Colbert gets “meta” or “postmodern.” To clarify, I’ve transcribed an example:

Now, as you have explained to your grandparents, my name is Stephen Colbert. But I also play a character on TV who is named Stephen Colbert, and I don’t always know which one of us has been invited to speak. Well, today I am fairly confident that I am me, because I went to Northwestern University. And my character went to Dartmouth, so he was there for graduation last weekend and heard Conan speak. It was a really good speech, but he was hoping it was gonna be Leno.

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GQ Names Their Men of the Year, I’m Like “Eh”

A photo of Jeff Bridges on GQ

Yesterday, GQ named Scarlett Johansson their Babe of the Year, and that’s fine.  That’s totally fair.  But today they announced their Men of the Year and for the most part, I just don’t get it.

Jeff Bridges’ official title is Icon of the Year, and maybe I’m young and naive, but why?  Is it because of the new TRON movie? Is it a nod to his work in The Last Unicorn?  It’s probably because of how Crazy Heart was all over the Oscars like a bad case of crabs, isn’t it?  Yeah, that’s probably why.

Then there’s Drake, who’s been named the Breakout of the Year, and I just don’t know who he is.  I mean, I know he sang some songs, but let’s be real, the only time I would have heard of any currently popular hip hop artist would be at the gay bar, and it’s not like I’d ever go up to the DJ and ask for names because I’m always way too focused on my margarita and on talking to this guy who likes to sing Disney songs to me and then pretend like I didn’t notice that he just snorted something off his hand.  So I apologize, Drake, but I’m sure you’d understand.

Next is James Franco, whose work I’m actually familiar with, as the Leading Man of the Year.  I’m pretty sure this is because everyone thinks he’s going to get an Oscar for 127 Hours. Has anyone seen that?  From what I’ve read, it’s pretty gruesome and also not that great.  Whatever, GQ is about ten years too late anyway.  Remember Freaks and Geeks?  Exactly.

Finally, Stephen Colbert is the Patriot of the Year, and this is by far my favorite.  I don’t understand how one could not love Stephen Colbert, and I might go as far as to say that he deserves higher honors, such as the sole GQ cover or perhaps something of the Nobel variety.

What do you guys think about GQ’s list?  Do you have cruel words for me because of my Drake ignorance?  Are there men who have been tragically overlooked?  Tell me all about it, guys.