Why is Snoop a ghost? Why is Miley trying to be hood with her doorknockers? Why does this song exist? So many questions, so few answers. I like Miley and all, and I like Snoop, but the two combined just seem… bizarre, and not even an in intriguing way. More like a “please make it stop” way.
Snoop Dogg (I outright refuse to call him Snoop Lion) is a pretty colourful guy with a lot of charisma, which has helped to maintain his notoriety in the past few years since his music isn’t all that great anymore (WHATEVER, The Doggfather was deep!). He gives some great interviews because he just really doesn’t filter what he says and whether or not anyone is gonna like it. This is most likely because he’s really far too high to care.
In his most recent foray into hilarious candor, Snoop revealed in an interview with Rolling Stone that he became a pimp earlier in his career – like a real, actual pimp – because he’d dreamed of doing so as a child and that it was all about that love and passion for the field rather than the money that made him do it. HILARIOUS.
“I put an organization together,” the rapper-turned Rasta artist Snoop Lion tells contributing editor Jonah Weiner in the new issue of Rolling Stone. “I did a Playboy tour, and I had a bus follow me with ten bitches on it. I could fire a bitch, fuck a bitch, get a new ho: It was my program. City to city, titty to titty, hotel room to hotel room, athlete to athlete, entertainer to entertainer.”
While he doesn’t name names, he claims professional athletes would use his services. “If I’m in a city where where the Denver Broncos or the Nuggets play, I get a couple of they players to come hang out, pick and choose, and whichever one you like comes with a number,” he says. “A lot of athletes bought pussy from me.”
Unlike most pimps, Snoop says he let his women keep the money. “I’d act like I’d take the money from the bitch, but I’d let her have it,” he says. “It was never about the money; it was about the fascination of being a pimp . . . As a kid I dreamed of being a pimp, I dreamed of having cars and clothes and bitches to match. I said, ‘Fuck it – I’m finna do it.’”
Well, we can’t say Snoop isn’t an ambitious businessman, I suppose. I wonder how much he made? Anyway, y’all may wonder where the hell Snoop’s wife Shante is in all of this. You probably also came to the conclusion (if you know anything about Snoop/Shante’s relationship) that she was right the hell there, watching him do it. BINGO!
Somehow, Snoop’s relationship with his wife Shante Broadus has survived all this. “My wife had to take a backseat to this shit,” he says. “And I love her to this day because she coulda shook out on a nigga, but she stayed in my corner. So when I decided to let it go, she was still there.”
Pfffft, that’d be the day!
So, Snoop compiled a list of 10 reasons why he’s not voting for Mitt Romney, and 10 reasons why he will be voting for the incumbent, President Barack Obama, and the results were … well, the results were pretty f-cking funny, if I must say. Without further ado, here’s 10 reasons why Snoop’ll be voting Democrat. Courtesy of Snoop’s Twitter:
#10—I seen that n-gga hoop before and he got a jumper. (I don’t know what this means. Basketball, maybe?)
#9—He smokes Newports.
#8—We use the same hair clippers.
#7—He’s hugged Beyonce before and sniffed her neck.
#6—He’s BFFs with Jay-Z.
#5—Michelle got a fat ass.
#4—He wears a durag like me.
#3—That n-gga look like he can fight.
#2—He mad cool yo.
#1—He a black n-gga.
And behold, the top 10 reasons he won’t be voting Republican this election year:
#10—This muthaf-cka’s name is Mitt.
#9—He reminds me of every boss I ever hated.
#8—He’s a Mormon but he ain’t got no hoes.
#7—He always interrupts and talks over people like he’s better than them. Bitch I will beat the shit out of you.
#6—This muthaf-cka’s name is Mitt.
#5—He looks like he says “n-gga” all the time.
#4—He a ho.
#3—Bitch got a dancing horse.
#2—This muthaf-cka’s name is Mitt.
#1—He a white n-gga.
So what say you, guys? Has Snoop swayed your vote one way or the other, or do you think he’s better off sticking to rapping and smoking copious amounts of weed?
Video is pretty NSFW for language – so don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Here’s the transcript from the video, in case some of you couldn’t (or wouldn’t) watch the clip, based on what it actually is:
[Dolphin screams "Bitch!"]
Advice for Kris Humphries and her, uh, Kim Kardashian: the first advice is, you dumb ass n-gga, you shouldn’t have tried to wife the bitch, man. She’s not that type of a ho. She gets around, man, you see when Reggie [Bush] took the bitch to Africa, she was looking at the Africans ’cause they had bigger dicks than him. He didn’t know how to act afterwards, they sent his ass to Miami. Ray-J the only n-gga that bounced back from the bitch, man. She’s cold-blooded. I’m pretty sure she have a book in a month, talking about all the n-ggas she got and how she played ‘em. My advice is, look. You can’t make a ho a housewife. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she was born to do. HO. Yeah. HO. Punk bitch.[Dolphin screams "Bitch!" again]
That should pretty much sum up what Snoop Dogg here thinks of Kim Kardashian. Or rather, what the entire world probably thinks of her. The funny thing, however, is that, given the chance, Snoop would still probably hit it. With another brother’s dick, all triple-wrapped and stuff, but he’d still be all about it, more than likely. If you take all of the nasty away from Kim Kardashian and her conniving ways and her beat-up kitty cat, she’s still a pretty alluring chick, but then again, if you take all that stuff away, then she wouldn’t be Kim Kardashian – she’d be, like, Princess f-cking Jasmine or something, you know?
And if it happened, say, anywhere other thanTexas, which – ask Chace Crawford – probably has some of the strictest pot laws in the US, the attending officers would probably have just asked for a hit of that shit and took a few photos instead of arresting and citing Snoop.
TMZ claims that Snoop was busted this past weekend with approximately a half-ounce of pot, which he claims to have a prescription for, though in Texas, none of that medical marijuana stuff flies. Sources also state that if Snoop is convicted of the drug charge, he could get up to six months in jail.
This is, though, as you probably know, not the first time Snoop’s been busted for having pot illegally – he was arrested in 1998, 2001, and 2002 for pot possession. Then, again in 2007, Snoop was put on 60 months probation (that’s five years for all you non-math majors like me) after officers found pot, coke, and a firearm in his vehicle. He was released for good behavior, or whatever the f-ck you get released early for when you’re on probation, back in May of 2011.
Ironically enough, Snoop’s bus was stopped at almost the same place where Willie Nelson was busted for weed back in 2010. My guess is that border patrol had the heads-up that Snoop would be rolling through and had planned ahead of time on stopping his bus ’cause they figured it’d be a sure bet.
How do you guys feel about all this – cut Snoop a break or let the law lay ‘em down low?
I support Snoop Dogg in everything he does, and so should you. This is a man with many a dream, and I hope he achieves every single one. You might say that that’s because I would love to live in a world where you could marijuana easier than you can buy Girl Scout cookies, and that’s fair, but it’s also because I believe in people, and I especially believe in people who want to bring me a mass amount of solid entertainment.
Here’s the story from the New York Post:
Snoop Dogg wants to launch rap’s answer to “American Idol.” The rapper has been pitching a TV series to discover the next hot hip-hop act. We hear that Oxygen, Bravo and NBC aren’t biting but that E! and MTV have shown interest. Sources say Snoop is touting that the show could be as popular as Fox’s “American Idol,” but TV execs are not convinced.
The story goes on to say that Snoop wants Jay-Z involved, but Jay-Z’s people are like “no, no, stop talking about it.” Meanwhile, Wiz Khalifa is like “hey, I can do it though, let me help.” Oh, please, whoever is in charge of shitty music competition shows, just give this one a pass. Just for a moment, then it can die a serene, dignified death.
Would you guys watch a rap version of American Idol?
Man if this isn’t the hit of summer ’11, I don’t know what will be.
Above you see Snoop and his latest protege, ‘Rico,’ who’s the heterosexual equivalent of the sassy gay friend. Except he’s a squirrel. And he’s skeevy. And not at all photogenically blessed. So in reality, I guess Rico’s nothing like the sassy gay friend, aside from the fact that he’s got some suave fashion sense. Rico Suave. (You asked for it.)