1Simon Cowell Is Single and Ready to Mingle

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Aw, would you look at Simon Cowell? Who wouldn’t love that face? Lots of women have, but none have really stuck around in the long haul – not even Carmen Electra, his most recent conquest. (I know, right???) Basically, ol’ Simon realises that even his prominent chest rug will go gray and it might be time to think about finding a steady lady with whom to share his millions.

From The Sunday People:

Speaking exclusively to the Sunday People, The X Factor boss who is worth £230million said: “I’d like to find a girlfriend.”

But Simon, 53, admitted his workaholic character gets in the way of finding the right partner.

He dated Baywatch star Carmen, 40, after meeting her when she was a judge on last year’s Britain’s Got Talent.

Now he says they are just good friends – like all the girls who have been romanced by one of Britain’s most eligible bachelors.

Simon said: “I’m now a single man. We spent time together and she is so much fun. But I’d like to find a girlfriend.

“I do particularly like British women but I haven’t got my eye on anyone.”

Simon said: “I do work a lot and it doesn’t leave me very long for women but I have lots of great friends, and great women in my life.

“I’m lucky that I have a lot of good people around me. That’s very important, especially when you do what I do.

“I’m happy but I would like a girlfriend.”

First of all, I think Simon’s got something about him, so I can’t imagine him having a problem finding a lady friend. Now, finding one that isn’t only interested in him for his money rather than his box-shaped head is a whole other kettle of fish, I realise. Here’s to finding love in the wild, Simon.

February 25, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

5Simon Cowell Rubs Placenta And Gold on His Face All The Time

Oh, sorry, he gets placenta and gold rubbed on his face all the time. Sheep placenta, specifically. Well, New Zealand sheep placenta, if we’re getting really specific. New Zealand sheep placenta mixed with 24 carat gold flakes, rubbed directly onto his face. Regularly. Like you do.

From The Mirror:

Now, in his ongoing quest to stave off the ravishes of time, the X Factor mogul is playing dirty… and getting regular sheep placenta facials.

So convinced is he by the skin-rejuvenating properties of livestock afterbirth, Si, 52, has become a devotee of the £330 treatment.

The facial is carried out at the Beverly Hills Lancer dermatology clinic – as, reportedly, frequented by Victoria Beckham. A therapist applies the stem cells from special, New Zealand-reared sheep, which is then spread over Si’s lovely, smooth, Botoxed face.

Before this, Simon’s mug is given a thorough 30-minute exfoliation and beamed with an LED light to open up his pores. From here, the sheepy stuff is smeared on in a gel mixed with 24 carat gold flakes. Finally, a “galvanised metal probe” is prodded over the skin to ensure the product penetrates deeply. Lovely.

Lancer therapist, Linda, let slip Cowell’s secret on ITV1’s Lorraine, enthusiastically adding: “He loves it!” So much for client confidentiality, then.

Yesterday a source close to sexy Si said: “Simon is forever trawling the health and beauty market, looking for all the latest fads. He’s tried vitamin injections, drips, detoxes, smoothies, Botox and massages, but after reading rave reviews about placenta facials, decided he had to give them a go. He reckons they take years off his complexion, and give him back the shine and joie de vivre long hours and smoking take away.”

Happily, Dr Lancer himself, is keen to stress the animal-friendly nature of, well, animal-loving Simon.

Of the process, he says: “These sheep are completely untouched by the modern world. It is very important they have no impurities. The stem cells are full of rich nutrients and the cells we harvest are amniotic, which means no harm is caused to the animals.”

You know what’s less weird, time consuming, and expensive than rubbing sheep placenta and gold flakes all over your face? Just letting your skin do its thing. I know, it’s a strange idea, and Simon would never listen to it, but it’s an option, you know? Sheep placenta is not the only answer.

October 2, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Emily

0Oprah Tops Forbes‘ Highest-Paid Celebrities List

… And interestingly enough, she’s the only woman in the Top 10. Others on the list are as follows:

#10 – Simon Cowell, $90 million
#9 – George Lucas, $90 million
#8 – James Patterson, $94 million
#7 – Howard Stern, $95 million
#6 – Tyler Perry, $105 million
#5 – Dr. Dre, $110 million
#4 – Jerry Bruckheimer, $115 million
#3 – Steven Spielberg, $130 million
#2 – Michael Bay, $160 million
#1 – Oprah Winfrey, $165 million

The monetary amounts are calculated by endorsements, profits, upfront pay and advertising work, and doesn’t even factor in whatever these people might be making off the books for … well, for whatever, really. When you’re making that kind of money, there’s lots of ways to fudge the numbers, I suppose.

When you’ve got it, you’ve got it, right? Damn.

August 28, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah

4Let’s Get in Our Morning Cry, All Right?

Because that’s what normal people do, isn’t it? They watch some heartwarming video in the morning to make them cry, and then in the afternoon they pull out a solid excerpt from a good book for some midday tears, and they end the day by thinking about the top five saddest moments from their life and reliving them? And they see monster hands reaching for them out of the corners of their eyes? This is what everyone does, right? Right?

Anyway, it doesn’t matter if all of that is normal or not, because every one of you who watches this video will surely burst into tears, or at least get some moisture in them eyeballs. Ok, at the very least, you’ll smile a little. This video is that powerful.

It’s a video of a recent audition for Britain’s Got Talent, and it’s inspiring. The video features a seventeen-year-old boy named Jonathan Antoine, his BFF Charlotte, and his unbelievably beautiful singing voice. What makes it all the better, of course, is Simon Cowell‘s reaction to the whole thing. As Jonathan and Charlotte make their way onstage, Simon leans over to fellow judge Carmen Electra and says “just when you think things couldn’t get any worse.” His remark wasn’t really surprising – Charlotte looked pretty put together, but Jonathan looked like your average socially awkward teenage boy, and even though he’s very manly, Simon Cowell isn’t exactly known for being the sweetest dude ever – but boy, does he change his tune after Jonathan starts singing. Just go back up there and skip to about the 2:16 mark to see Simon’s face. Priceless.

People are calling this kid the next Susan Boyle, I guess because she was on the same show and was also shy and awkward, and also because apparently most people are super surprised when conventionally unattractive people have talents. Whatever the reason, I’d say that the future is looking pretty bright for young Jonathan Antoine here. Oh, and, uh, Charlotte too, I guess.

Did you cry? You cried, didn’t you?

March 27, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily

1Simon Cowell Had a John Rambo Identity Crisis When He Was a Lad

Because oh my God. Do you see these pictures? Do you see them? This is Simon and his girlfriend from back in the day, pop star Sinitta. Don’t know who Sinitta is? That’s OK – not many people do these days, though in an interview a few years ago, Sinitta talked about the Simon-hype and waxed nostalgic over days of fame gone by:

“In the old days, Simon was the record company man behind the suit and I got to be the pop star. When the photographers asked Simon to move out of the way, we’d pull a face at each other and I’d say, ‘They don’t want you, they want me’ – and he’d have to step out of the shot. He was carrying my bags and doing my schedules and driving the car. Now I’m carrying his bags. We get out of the car and it’s ‘Simon! Simon!’ and they want me out of the way. It’s hilarious.”

Sinitta was Simon’s first ever signed artist, who he also dated, and after all these years, though they’re no longer romantically involved, Sinitta was further intertwined with Simon’s success, and helped out in the background with the X-Factor until 2010.

Let’s take another look, shall we?:

No. Just … no. It’s like he’s not even real, you know? It’s like Simon was this fictional character ’til the early noughties when he decided that demureness and slick British humor monochromatic color schemes were what he should be doing, and not feathering his hair like one of Charlie’s Angels and dating pop stars who use way too much Soul Glo in their hair.

Don’t even pretend that you’ve never seen Coming to America, come on now.

OK. Here’s one more for posterity:

Sweet, right? I don’t think Simon’s been able to make a face like that in ten years, damn.

In related Simon news, there’s talks that the X-Factor might be scrapped altogether, and despite rumors that people like Britney Spears and Mariah Carey are in talks to join as judges, Simon claims that he’d rather burn out than fade away:

“I’d rather fall off the cliff on numbers than deteriorate slowly. We have something in development which could replace The X Factor.”

Oh, wait. No, my bad. That’s different: he’s talking about scrapping the ORIGINAL X-Factor, not the US spinoff. Looks like you’re still safe, Brit. Bring on your best pink wig and those Frappuccinos, OK? The whole world is watching, girl.

March 19, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah

4Quotables: Simon Cowell Pays His Ex-Girlfriends

You can’t have somebody in your life who’s become accustomed to a certain thing, and just because you don’t want to be in the relationship any more, now everything is cut off. It’s not alimony. It’s doing the right thing.

—Simon Cowell, on paying off some of his ex-girlfriends.

There you go, ladies! If, in the course of dating Simon Cowell, you become acclimated to luxury and extravagance, he will continue paying you. That seems like a nice gig, huh?

Following their breakup in 2008, ex Terri Seymour moved into Cowell’s separate LA apartment. Earlier, Cowell had also purchased a mansion for singer Leona Lewis. Seymour eventually scored a house, too.

Of course, I read a ton of blind items, so I’ve always believed that Simon Cowell pays his former flames to keep their mouths shut about his “quirks.” (Not that he’s even up to anything! From whatever I’ve read, his hobbies are really kind of vanilla!)

But whatever. As Cowell told People in 2008, all his exes are “like his best friends.” P.S. Here’s a cute portmanteau I’d never heard before today: “PALIMONY“!

September 25, 2011 at 11:30 am by Jenn