Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Shia LaBeouf

Shia LaBeouf: “Actors Are Bottom-feeders”

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Transformersactor Shia LaBeouf is one troubled dude.  He’s talked before about his non-conventional upbringing, but now is relating more details of his disturbing childhood.

He explains that his sense of humor comes from an inappropriate childhood of “seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked … [and] twisted R-rated humor.”

And yeah, he may have issues, but apparently he’s in good company.  “The good actors are all screwed up. They’re all in pain. It’s a profession of bottom-feeders and heartbroken people.”  Honestly?  Thank God everyone in Hollywood is screwed up.  What would I do with my days?

Despite all the instability and substance abuse that surrounded him as a kid, he still hasn’t connected that to his own demons that he is struggling with.  “I have no answers to anything. None. Why am I an alcoholic? I haven’t a damn clue!”  Personally, I was just so relieved for Shia to admit that he’s an alcoholic.  It allows me to go to the safe place in my brain that assumes he was drunk when he talked about wanting to bang his mom.

Therapy, dude.  Therapy.  It will help work through so many of these issues that no kid should be saddled with.

Shia Talks Size

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Shia LaBeouf is running his mouth again, this time about the size of his wee-wee. Turns out he’s no Tommy Lee. Shia talked to Playboy about losing his virginity and all the accompanying awkwardness:

“I was shaking in my boots,” he says about the romp, four years ago. “Getting naked was very strange. It was the first time I’d been naked in the light, in front of a girl, with no hiding place … I remember putting a pillow underneath her because I had seen that in a porn movie … [It] put her at a weird angle, where I couldn’t get in correctly. I’m not extremely well-endowed … and clearly this wasn’t the move.

So let this be a warning to everyone: Trying to copy what you see in porn isn’t always the best idea. Also, it makes you look like a porn star. Seriously, folks, if he wants to to spit on it the first time you get down and dirty, he’s not really all that into your personality. Say no thank you and leave.

Mrs. LaBeouf, Are You Trying to Seduce Me?

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In an interview for the June issue of Playboy, Shia LaBeouf reveals that his hippie mother used to wander around the house naked– even when he would have friends over– and that he was exposed to drug use from a young age:

“The nudity was weird, especially when her friends came over. ..All of them would just be naked around the house. That was strange for me, and it was really bizarre when my friends were there. You’ve got your little buds over, and Mom’s, like, playing naked connect the dots or whatever. She’s in the middle of goddess-group time, where it’s literally a bunch of naked women tracing auras around one another’s bodies with incense and then sitting together and humming for prolonged periods of time.”

His mother and father were also open about their drug use, which has given him a liberal attitude toward it as well. “I grew up with a bunch of hippies, and marijuana was always around,” he says. “Pot was never looked at as a negative thing. I could smoke it on holidays with my parents, and we were all good. I like pot. It has never been a monster for me. I can put limits on it. But I definitely saw from a very young age what drugs can do to you.”

Wow.. I can’t wait for his autobiography. A few years ago, I remember reading an article in GQ that gave the more PG, “mainstream” version of his childhood (sans naked mommies and massive drug use) and even that was engrossing and out of the ordinary. Something tells me we still haven’t heard everything there is to tell about Shia’s decidedly non-traditional upbringing.

Thank you, celebrities, for making me realize just how lucky I was to have parents that were weird and embarrassing in what turns out were very “normal” ways. I could have had a mom whose idea of consoling me after a stressfull day at school involved rolling me a joint and tracing my naked aura.

Shia LaBeouf Loses His Drivers License

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Whoops! Shia LaBeouf has finally had his license suspended after his refusal to take a Breathalyzer test following the July car crash that left his hand mangled.

The Eagle Eye star had his driver’s license suspended Saturday, a result of his refusal to take a Breathalyzer test when he was busted on suspicion of driving under the influence following a July car crash, a DMV official tells E! News.

“It was suspended for refusing a chemical test,” the official said, noting that, even though LaBeouf was cleared of any DUI charges after it was determined that the other driver caused his smashup, the suspension was “automatic.”

California law states that a person’s license can be suspended for up to one year if he/she refuses to take a blood, breath or urine test for a suspected DUI.

I hope Shia’s suffered enough consequences from this that he’ll think twice before he gets behind the wheel drunk.

Shia Won’t Be Prosecuted for DUI

Smart kid.

It appears Shia LaBeouf refused to submit to a blood alcohol test following his drunk driving incident in July.

As such, he won’t be prosecuted for DUI — the L.A. County D.A. just rejected the case on grounds of insufficient evidence. They do plan to file charges against the other driver involved in the accident.

Shia’s license will probably be suspended for awhile because of his refusal to submit to the test, but that’s still better than a DUI!

Show Us Your Hand!

Stupid Shia LaBeouf has his left hand in his damn pocket in EVERY SINGLE PHOTO from the Eagle Eye LA premiere. You can see a little hint of the cast here, but, for the most part, he’s just being a total cocktease about it. Whip it out, Shia!

Also there: Megan Fox, looking totally edible, Michelle Monaghan, looking totally pregnant, and Rosario Dawson, looking like she’s had some work done, but I can’t pinpoint what.

Can You Beat This Game?

So the new promo for the Shia LaBeouf film Eagle Eye is a kickass virtual game that you can play at eagleeyefreefall.com.

Basically, you become a secret agent and the game actually calls your cell phone with instructions from your agency — and then you start making phone calls on their behalf. It’s very innovative and very cool, even if the technology doesn’t always quite understand what you’re trying to say.

Here’s my question: Is this thing beatable? No matter what I try, I fail in my mission.

So I’m sending in you guys. If anyone can win this game, I’m sure it’s one of you.

I wouldn’t advise playing this at the office — you have to do a lot of talking into your cell phone that probably won’t sound much like work.