By a sea lion! EGADS!

The attack took place on Sunday. Shakira and her brother are on an African vacation, and they were on a tour when a wily sea lion decided to strike!

From People:

That might be a little too close for comfort!

Shakira is nursing a few scrapes and hailing her brother as a hero after he saved her from a wild sea lion attack in Cape Town, South Africa.

The singer and her sibling spied some of the aquatic mammals on a tour Sunday afternoon and decided to get a bit closer to take pictures.

“Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me,” she wrote on Facebook. “I was paralyzed by fear and couldn’t move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother ‘Super Tony’ jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast.”

Shakira believes the sea lion was confused by the shiny reflection of the Blackberry she used to take pictures. “It probably thought I was teasing it with food and then taking it away from it,” she said, adding that she and Tony suffered minor scratches on nearby rocks as they tried to escape. Sea lions have interacted well with humans throughout history, and attacks are rare and usually tied to territorial aggression.

Shakira wrote that just a half hour before the incident, she had hoped to get up close and personal with some wildlife. “I was complaining to my guide Andrew that I never get to see wild animals up close on adventurous trips,” she said. “Oh well, I can’t say that anymore!”

Despite the scare, the star’s African adventure continues. “Today with the penguins!” she wrote. “Definitely friendlier!”

My first thought was “well, that’s one way to stay relevant.” My second thought was “no, that’s mean, Shakira’s ok, it’s not her fault she got attacked by a sea lion.” My third thought, which came shortly after, was “a sea lion? Really? A sea lion?”

So now I think Shakira must have been up to something pretty shady to get that adorable animal angry. What could it have been? What could that harmless ol’ sea lion have seen in Shakira to make him “roar in fury” and try to bite her?” Let’s get some rumors started, people!

POLE DANCING!

Yup, that’s right: in her new video, “Rabiosa,” The Girlfriend With One of the Hottest Bodies in Hollywood pole dances.

How do we feel about a brunette, short-haired Shakira? And the video, aside from the obviously-fabulous pole dancing, are we digging it? Is it too much like something from the late nineties, or is this just Shakira’s niche? Me, I think the video was OK. It was fun. It was Shakira, for crying out loud, and she’s never really been known for her moving, thought-provoking videos, unless you count her moves, which provoke some really inappropriate thoughts. Then, I guess, the lady’s got it in the bag.

Woo, Shakira! Looking hot, girl!

Shakira’s new video came out today and uhhh… I don’t get it? I feel really dense and I’m sure I’ll find out from one of you commenters within minutes of posting this, but what the hell is going on here? Shakira is in some sort of trantric sex dance on a bed with a dude, then in a steam room. Is this supposed to be like that show Sisters? Didn’t they all go in a steam room on that show? Oh, and the song is probably the most annoying thing I’ve ever heard. She sounds like Grover.

The National Enquirer thinks Anna Nicole’s underlying cause of death was pneumonia. And if it ran in the National Enquirer, it must be true. [Celebslam]

I knew this world was missing something. I thought it was, like, a cure for AIDS and cancer, or peace, or even potable water, but it turns out it was just a hip-shakin’ Beyonce/Shakira duet. Phew. [POTP]

Oh hells yes. A new Star Trek movie in the works! [Pajiba]

Carmen Electra’s next big career move is as a magician’s assistant in Las Vegas, where maybe she can make another marriage disappear. [popbytes]

Katherine Heigl isn’t leaving Grey’s Anatomy anytime soon, although they do hate her quite a bit around there. [ICYDK]

Jennifer Love Hewitt has very lovely breasts. [Egotastic]