You guys, I almost totally forgot! The Entertainment Lawyer who scribes Crazy Days and Nights is finally “naming names,” as is his hallowed New Year’s Day tradition.

Emily hit on some of the year’s best, most salacious scandals, but you guys! THERE IS SO MUCH MORE.

- Now we know for sure: Lea Michele is starting to behave like a real diva.

- Chris Brown is kind of a dickwad—a “Don’t you know who I am?” kind of dickwad.

- Stars who hate each other: Rob Lowe and Amy Poehler, Evan Rachel Wood and Kate Winslet.

- Sean Penn once hit on Naomi Watts. When baby-daddy Liev Schreiber found out, he punched Sean in the face. Did I mention that Liev Schreiber is my favorite? Because he is.

- Is there a costar Robert Pattinson hasn’t slept with? Ew.

- In the late 80s, Warren Beatty was having sex with Annette Bening, Madonna, and Nicole Kidman, practically simultaneously. (Supposedly.)

- I used to assume Topanga could not really be that nice, but it turns out she is: she’s been tutoring kids for the last 10 years. That’s right, ever since Boy Meets World ended! Aww.

- Fellow good samaritan Rebecca Romijn pulled out all the stops when she helped a frantic woman catch up with her missing purse (which had been left on a bus). This Blind Item reads like an action movie, honestly. Rebecca Romijn! You’re totally a superhero!

- Sick of being “shunned,” Julia Stiles “begged for [a fellow actress's] forgiveness.” (The writer stops there, but I think we can safely guess who the other actress is. Yeesh.)

- X-Files fans, rejoice? David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson might actually be dating on the sly.

And there are plenty other scandals to read up on, kids! As Emily revealed earlier today, Christina Aguilera sleeps with a baby monitor so she doesn’t die of alcohol poisoning in the night, Sean “Puffy” Combs bought JLo a mansion, and Julia Roberts is catty. Also, the thing about how Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick won’t touch each other? That’s my favorite one.

And I’m barely exaggerating when I say “all the celebrities.” There’s Ben Stiller, Matt Damon, Sean Penn, Kristen Wiig, Ted Danson, Mary Steenburgen, Jack Black, and Kevin Spacey. Did I miss anyone? Oh, Bill Clinton. Goodness

Basically it always tickles me when so many celebrities get together for a good cause, so I figured you guys might enjoy this as well. Also, who doesn’t love it when Jack Black sings?

You know those two hikers who were imprisoned in Iran? The ones who finally returned to the United States just today? OK: Sean Penn helped negotiate their release, CNN.com is reporting.

Wait, what? Exactly. CNN:

The report was first published by the Reuters news agency, which cited a source close to the release process as saying that Penn flew to Venezuela months ago to speak about the hikers’ plight with President Hugo Chavez, an ally of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Mara Buxbaum, a rep for Penn, confirmed the Reuters report but declined to provide additional details.

Holy cow. I had no idea actors could even do that sort of thing—request audiences with foreign dignitaries, I mean, and then correct the injustices of the world with some schmoozin’. The very prospect kind of terrifies me. I guess maybe Bono does it, and it’s cool when Bono does it. Everyone loves Bono. But Sean Penn is so temperamental! Should he really be flying around and talking to presidents?

All dumbstruck horror aside: Kudos, Sean Penn.

Do you know what I just mistyped? “Sean Peen.” And then I couldn’t let it go without telling you, because it is the best of all my Freudian finger-slips this week.

Anyway, here’s a photo of Sean Peen, taking a stroll with his new lady, courtesy of People. Meh. We’ll know this relationship is serious once they’re photographed jogging together. (What? Oh.)

Why is this news, you ask? At first, I totally thought Sean Penn was already dating somebody new. Not so!

In fact, Sean Penn’s girlfriend has been misidentified as one Stacey Koplin for the last two months—her identity is now, at last, confirmed as 26-year-old Shannon Costello instead. (All together now: WHOOPS.) As People tells it, the pair met in 2009; young Miss Costello began working for Penn’s J/P Haitian Relief Organization last year.

Twenty-six! Twenty-six! Excuse me while I go crawl into my early grave.

Alright, since when is Sean Penn such an exercise freak? Did he realize that if it looks like he’s keeping up appearances and isn’t letting himself turn to mush that it’s more likely for him to get hot pieces of ass? Because this cigarette-smoking half-centurion is doing nothing but throwing up flashbombs as far as I’m concerned.

Here are some photos of Sean Penn‘s new girlfriend, Stacey Koplin, who is … I have no idea who she is. She doesn’t even have a Wiki page, ffs. I can’t even find a crapping LinkedIn profile, and you know that’s some bad business right there. The only thing I was able to dig up was a “Stacey Koplin” of Santa Monica, CA. The private MySpace profile says she’s thirty-seven years old, so this could very well be Penn’s new piece.

Ah, let the aged dong-fest commence once again!

Sources at TMZ claim that Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn have worked out their differences and have reconciled for the sake of their apparent sexual napalm-like relationship.  Then again, TMZ’s evidence is only a photo of the two being friendly at a recent awards show, so maybe Scarlett’s just keeping up appearances ’til the next half-centurion wang comes along.

It would be hot if Scarlett dated …

As quickly as it seems it started, Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson‘s six-month-long romance is kaput.

Though a rep officially confirms to People that the two have split, both Scarlett and Sean’s reps have “declined to comment.” However, I’m betting it had something to do with Sean’s desperate need for children coupled with the fact that Scarlett is just so damned old and can’t get pregnant anymore. … Uh, wait …

Are you guys totally heartbroken, or did you see this coming?

Okay, now this is where being a gossip blogger sometimes starts to feel like being a sixth grader because, like, OMG, Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn were like, totally holding hands last night at the White House Correspondent’s dinner and that like, officially means that they’re a couple.

Who cares that they held hands? Well, I guess a lot of mainstream press outlets and probably anyone who didn’t think it was totally obvious that these two have been fucking for at least the last two months. We’ve been saying that for awhile around these parts, and we’re also pretty sure that Scarlett is preggo (on account of the aforementioned fucking.) That bunchy dress she wore last night isn’t doing anything to kill those rumors, either.

Great for these two! So glad that we’ve all confirmed that they’re a couple.

Now I’m going to try and see if the Claire’s in the mall is having a 2-for-1 accessories sale and ask my best friend to tell the boy I like that I like him. You know, like, like like him.

By now, you’ve probably heard that Scarlett Johansson is living with Sean Penn. Yup. She apparently left the hotel that she’d been residing in since her divorce from Ryan Reynolds (and boy, isn’t he just about shitting himself right now, huh?), and took up residence at Sean’s home in Malibu.  If you hadn’t heard?  Well, now you know.

Today she was spotted doing some light shopping at a local grocery store, where she was wearing actual shoes and a floppy sweater to conceal her burgeoning baby bump. It’s there, guys. Just wait, and give it time – you’ll see.

Scarlett Johansson, Sean Penn and Owen Wilson went for a run together yesterday and there are several things we can take from the paparazzi photos:

1) Scar and Sean are still going strong. Gross.

2) Even one of the world’s most beautiful women can do herself a disservice by dawning workout wear that’s too tight and finger shoes.

3) Owen Wilson just can’t keep up.

Anything else worth noting?

I don’t know about you guys, but something about this couple is a total turn-on. I’m not sure if it’s just the idea of Scarlett Johansson bumping uglies with someone so much OLDER than she is (I always had a thing for much older guys, too, Scar, I can totally dig it), or if it’s got to do with the fact that Sean Penn has been such a flat-out badass for the majority of his life (another part of the appeal: guilty as charged), but these two, as far as I’m concerned, are totally one of the hottest Hollywood couples going right now, and they’re not doing much to squash the rumors that they’ve been banging for the last eight weeks or so. Most recently, they were seen together at some Italian restaurant in LA:

It wasn’t an intimate, one-on-one dinner date, but Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn seemed very much a couple when they joined a small group of friends for dinner Saturday night in West Hollywood.

“They were smiles all night and seemed to have a great time together,” a source at the restaurant tells PEOPLE. “Scarlett and Sean sat very closely and exchanged flirty looks.”

Johansson, 26, and Penn, 50, enjoyed an Italian feast at Cecconi’s West Hollywood, where they shared pasta and fish dishes washed down with wine, a source tells PEOPLE.

Adds the source: “Scarlett acted very intrigued by him. She would smile, nod her head and just listen to his stories.”

The pair previously cozied up for a more intimate dinner earlier this month at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont, the hotel where the actress has been staying while filming We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon.

Rumors about the two being a couple first swirled in January, just a month after the actress’s December split from her husband, Ryan Reynolds.

Talk of a budding romance heated up when the two took a short and sweet getaway to Mexico at the beginning of January.

All I know is that if I were famous, single, and on the rebound from someone who appeared to have the personality of a fucking level of composite wood, I’d be keen on letting Sean Penn slambaste me, too.

Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson have been spending a lot of time together recently. First they went out for lunch in LA the other day and seemed super flirty, then they went off to Mexico together for a few days, and now that they’ve returned to their respective jobs, there is talk of the two of them taking another trip together soon. The two are planning a trip to Haiti in the spring. You know, because Sean Penn loves Haiti so much.

Surprised? No, no one should be surprised. Scarlett totally seems like the “I’m into older men” type and Sean Penn totally seems like the, “Young pussy? Why the hell not?” type, so the news that the two might be dating doesn’t come as a shock… but it sure is a gross thought. These two in bed together? Ugh. I have a vomit taste in my throat just thinking about it. Like, I feel like I’m catching sympathy daddy issues from her, if that’s a thing.

Neither Scarlett or Sean’s reps are speaking about their relationship status at the moment, so while nothing’s confirmed, it sure looks like these two are, at the very least, knockin’ da bootz.