Heidi Klum started screwing the help after her kiss from the rose that is Seal ended a couple of years back, and rumours have been rampant that the very Scandinavian life-saving duo are engaged since they’re both walking around with rings from Tiffany & Co lately. Still, don’t be so sure – Heidi basically said they’ve got the rings because she and Martin Kristen are rich and have nothing better to spend money on, NOT because they’re planning to walk down the aisle anytime soon.

From Yahoo! OMG:

“There’s no engagement. I did get a present from my boyfriend. He did give me a ring and he has the same.

“I am not engaged. I am not planning to get married anytime soon. It’s just a beautiful piece of jewelry. Just something nice.”

“I am happy. It is always hard to find the right partner and you just never know in the beginning.”

I don’t know why that strikes me as funny, but I love Heidi Klum’s suspicion about her partners. You never know in the beginning? What, like, if your partner is a homicidal maniac? Anyway, you heard the woman: no wedding yet.

“He’s been with our family for the last four years. He’s cared for our entire family, mostly for our four children, helped us tremendously. I trust him with my children’s life. He’s a great man, you know, and we just got to know each other from a completely different side. It [the relationship] just started.”

The “he” in question is Martin Kristen, who is Heidi’s personal bodyguard, and yes, they are f-cking. Heidi says about Seal’s accusations:

“Yes, he [Seal] has a very unique choice of words. I’m used to them. I don’t know. I don’t love that. Obviously, it’s not true. I’ve never looked at another man while I was with him. And it’s hard when you think that he thinks that, you don’t know … he was hurt … He’s moved on. When we separated he’s moved on and so have I. And it’s very hard when you start seeing somebody again, you know. All of a sudden. It’s hard then when everyone is watching you. It’s almost like you can’t have a real proper chance in a way. And I do want to date again. I’m turning 40. I don’t even know where it’s [the new relationship] going to go.”

So Seal was all pissed off when he found out that Heidi had moved on so quickly, and threw her under the bus. Then, when confronted by Heidi, Seal changed his tune, saying, “Yeah, no, Heidi didn’t cheat on me (that I’m, like, aware of), and what I meant is that she didn’t wait to move on ’til we were officially divorced.” But last I checked, neither did Seal, so … Whatever, Seal. Just whatever.

You guys. Hush. Heidi Klum, never, not once, cheated on Seal throughout their whole entire marriage. What a horrible thing to say. Why would you even think that? Oh, because that’s what Seal told us this weekend, that “the answer” to the question that’s plagued us all – why did this perfect love fall apart? – is that Heidi didn’t “show a little more class” and didn’t even wait “until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help.” That’s why we thought that.

And even though Seal’s claim seems pretty straightforward, it’s not. We’re all a bunch of dummies for misunderstanding Seal, and now Seal’s rep has to set us all straight:

After remarks Seal made during an airport interview regarding his estranged wife Heidi Klum and her bodyguard Martin Kirsten were picked up far and wide this weekend, a rep for the British singer issued a statement to PEOPLE.

“Seal would like to clarify that he was not implying his wife was cheating on him while they were together,” said the statement. “But rather he was pointing out that they are separated and the divorce is not final so they are legally still married.”

I understand that this poor rep here is just trying to calm everyone down, but yeah, that’s the silliest statement I’ve ever read. Seal’s original statement was very clear, and after he accused Heidi of cheating, he said “I guess you all now have the answer you have been looking for for the last seven months.” There’s really no other way to interpret that, is there?

And I do understand the point that this statement is trying to make, but I think it just makes things worse. Now the idea is that Seal is not a man who was devastated by his beloved wife’s decision to have an affair, he’s a douchebag who feels the need to comment on every dude his ex gets with after him. He wasn’t being catty to the woman who cheated on him, he was just being a total dick. “Fornicated with the help.” Honestly.

And on top of everything else, how am I even supposed to listen to “Kiss from a Rose” now without feeling nauseous?

But really, that’s a thing that Seal actually said. Like, in real life. Seal is claiming that Heidi Klum destroyed their marriage because of her decision to “fornicate with the help.” Good lord.

Let’s back it up though for a minute, all right? There are these new pictures of Heidi on a beach with her bodyguard of four years, Martin Kristen. And they were playing around with her kids, and, like, sitting next to each other and stuff. In one of the pictures, the guy went in for a one-armed hug. You know, very serious, very racy stuff. And please keep in mind that Heidi and Seal announced their divorce in January. But hey, what a whore, right?

But according to Seal, yes, what a whore, indeed. He says it in a more passive aggressive way, but it’s pretty obvious what he’s getting at. Here, just read what he said:

“That’s what happens when two people separate, they move on and generally meet other people in their lives,” Seal, 49, told TMZ as he arrived at Los Angeles International Airport.

“I certainly don’t expect Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun. But as always my main priority is the emotional well-being of my children, and to be quite honest if there is going to be someone else there in their lives there, I would much rather it was a familiar face,” the singer said.

Added Seal: “That’s the only thing I would have preferred. Whilst I didn’t expect anything better from him [the bodyguard], I would of thought that Heidi would have shown a little more class and at least waited until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were.”

As for what might have caused the end of their marriage, he said, “I guess you all now have the answer you have been looking for for the last seven months.”

I don’t know, ever since I saw those photos of Seal waving around his hands and wearing yellow fingernail polish to highlight the fact that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore, I find it hard to take him seriously. When news of this couple’s divorce was just starting up, one of the most prevalent rumors was that Heidi was leaving because of Seal’s temper. And really, anyone who actually uses the phrase “fornicated with the help” seriously probably has some issues that they need to work on. So yeah, I’m still leaning towards that theory.

Also, I hope Heidi has a super time with her new partner in fornication.

When you publicize your marriage as much as our marriage was publicized, when you renew wedding vows, when you do all those things … you’re giving people a picture of an ideal relationship that people aspire to.

…When it goes south, you can’t all of a sudden take the philosophy of a monk and decide to go for a vow of silence. It doesn’t really work like that. I respect my wife’s decision not to talk about that, but I felt that people at least deserved some kind of explanation why the picture of the ideal wasn’t what they thought it was.

—Seal pauses his ongoing Explanation Tour to explain why he keeps explaining things.

You hear that? We all deserved to know.

OK: last week Emily reported that Seal and estranged wife Heidi Klum are dunzo for good. That report corroborated earlier rumors that Klum—who at one point had extended hope for reconciliation—has become way too miffed at Seal’s big mouth.

Move along, friends! Nothing to see here! Nope, nothing much happening at all, I just lost every piece of faith I ever had in anything, no big deal! Really, it’s fine, haven’t you ever seen a girl who just had everything she ever believed in proven wrong?

From People:

Multiple sources tell PEOPLE that although the couple originally hoped to reconcile, a reunion might not be in their future after all.

“They had both been wearing their wedding rings and had mutually thought they might be able to work it out,” one source says. “But it doesn’t look like it’s going that way.”

In fact, less than a month after the couple confirmed they were separatingafter nearly seven years of marriage, Seal was spotted sans wedding ringe arlier this week in Australia – a contrast from his earlier sentiment that he had “no intention of taking [his ring] off anytime soon.” Klum has been spotted out without her ring as well.

The couple also spent Valentine’s Day in different countries, as Seal worked on The Voice in Australia. Klum, 38, kept close company with her friends in Los Angeles at the Soho House.

Earlier in the month, it was business as usual for the supermodel mom and their brood: Leni, 7, Henry, 6, Johan, 5, and Lou, 2.

Between karate and ballet classes, “Heidi was in a good mood,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She seemed happy to be back to her regular Saturday routine with her kids.”

Although Seal returned to the States to see his children before he jetted Down Under, he did not spend much time with Klum, the source adds.

“They have had very little contact and Heidi wants to keep it this way,” the source says. “She feels less stressed out now and feels it’s best to be away from Seal, so she doesn’t get confused about her feelings.”

The source adds: “She is moving forward with the divorce.”

This news made me so sad that I actually almost put a frowny face in the headline. In case you don’t understand what I’m saying, a frowny face always denotes unspeakable tragedy and sorrow. And that’s precisely what the divorce of Heidi Klum and Seal is, and it’s not in me anymore to pretend that things are going to be all right. Because sometimes things aren’t all right. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes true love dies. Sometimes someone goes out for cocktails in her pajamas at 10:00 in the morning because sometimes everything is awful and horrible and wrong in the entire world.

But how are you guys holding up through all this?

Does anyone else have a weird feeling about Seal? Like, maybe he’s using the media to communicate to his estranged wife, Heidi Klum? The man hasn’t been able to shut up ever since the erstwhile lovebirds publicly announced their separation—Heidi, meanwhile, has remained elegantly mum.

But what’s this! Seal was spotted in an airport in Sydney yesterday. And he has FINALLY REMOVED HIS WEDDING RING.

And that isn’t all! Check out that ridiculous yellow manicure! It’s almost as if Seal really really really wants Heidi to notice he isn’t wearing his wedding ring right now. (Also, sexy nail polish, bro.)

I read somewhere that Seal really dashed his chances for reconciliation ever since he went on that ridiculous media tour/bender. I can’t cite my source, here, but it’s a pretty good bet anyway.

In the meantime, Heidi Klum is still wearing her wedding band.

Verdict: Seal is a big baby. He is the hugest baby. Ugh.

(Image via INF Daily.)

Seal is still still wearing his wedding ring, and what’s more, he’s still discussing his split from his wife of nearly seven years, Heidi Klum.

Most recently, he talked about the breakup with Piers Morgan (who I, personally, would not trust with so much as an Easy-Bake Oven).

USA Today has the story:

“It doesn’t really make sense,” Seal said in an appearance on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight. “The truth of the matter is all I can tell you most sincerely is that it wasn’t any one particular thing.”

Uuuuugggghhhhhh.

Seal couldn’t say enough nice things about Klum, “this most fantastic woman.” He said he hadn’t removed his ring because, “It stands for respect. It stands for loyalty. It stands for incredible memories.”

Will they ever reconcile? “Never say never,” Seal said. “I’m not going to sit here and BS you and tell you we haven’t had problems. Of course we’ve had problems—otherwise why are we splitting up?”

Nevertheless, he said, “My love for her has not waned one iota.”

So here is what we know:

- Numerous things contributed to the couple’s breakup

- Seal is still in love with Heidi

- Seal will keep right on wearing his wedding ring

- As of this afternoon, Heidi is still wearing her wedding ring

- Seal, without saying it directly, holds out hope for reconciliation

This is just a guess, but people are really, really fascinated with the whole Seal/Heidi breakup because, seriously, WTH? (Also, the breakup is beginning to sound like Heidi’s idea.)

Seal attempted to explain the rationale to Access Hollywood:

“There is nothing to reconcile. We haven’t fallen out,” the singer explained. “We’re not getting divorced. We’re not even legally separated. We are separated. The reality of the situation is we have grown apart. And so… is there a chance of us getting back together? Honestly, Billy, I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to that.”

And then there’s this!

Seal, who is still wearing his wedding ring, said his focus is making sure the woman he fell in love with is content.

“My main priority is that [Heidi] is happy. I just want her to be happy,” he continued. “I want our children to be happy, of course. But I want her to be happy. It’s always been like that.”

Adding, “We’re both pretty smart people and both of us understand that the healthy thing to do right now is to not live a lie because of our children. Forget what the outside world thinks…. The priority is my wife and our children. And I put that before anyone else. And so my first agenda is to figure out what is best for that situation. Everything else will take care of itself.”

Certain smuthounds are muttering that this whole romantic dissolution is, in fact, a hoax, intended to boost sales of Seal’s latest album Soul 2.

But I, for one, give the couple the benefit of the doubt. Fingers crossed for them.

Hold up, is the actual purpose of a divorce watch to keep an eye on a couple who is suspected to split? Oh man, did I mess this up already?

Oh well, I’ll call it a draw. Heidi and Seal aren’t divorced yet, but they are well on their way. I say that because even though the couple’s statement was that they were planning on a separation, the word is that Heidi is going to go for gold and finish this sucker off completely:

Heidi Klum did not make a snap decision to divorce Seal.  She’s interviewed a number of the best divorce lawyers in L.A. over the last 2 weeks … TMZ has learned.

Our sources say Heidi has already selected one of the lawyers based on her interviews, and as we first reported, she has already decided she will file for divorce.

We’re told the interviews with the lawyers were conducted at a secret location because Heidi was concerned about a leak.

We’re told all of the lawyers she met with have repped a number of celebrity clients — the attorney’s  are among the most prominent in town.

And there’s a twist.  Seal can’t hire any of the lawyers Heidi rejected because she shared confidential information with them, so representing Seal would create a conflict of interest.  The good news for Seal — there are still other good divorce lawyers to be had.

Smooth move, Heidi! Way to screw over your soon-to-be ex-husand, who, by the way, is still wearing his wedding ring.

Speaking of Seal, he’s already spoken out about the breakup:

Despite the pain from his split with Heidi Klum, Seal says he believes the pair can avoid a messy breakup.

“In terms of our love and respect for each other, it hasn’t changed at all,” he says in an interview airing Friday on Tavis Smiley on PBS. “And I think that when two people feel that way about each other, it is easy – it is easier to make that transition.”

Seal adds that their children “are our first priority” and that the pair can still remain friends “especially when there are other things to take into consideration like family.”

“What one has to do in this situation is remain civil and to retain one’s dignity and to be professional and to understand that we are not the only people on this planet that go through this,” he says. “It is just unfortunately a chapter of life.”

And if that wasn’t enough talking for you, Seal is all set to tape an interview today for Ellen DeGeneres‘ show. How sad do you think that will be to watch?

Are we all caught up now? Do we all feel nice and gutted? This was a great way to start the morning, huh?

And before you get your hopes up that this is another “this is going to happen sometime soon” story, let me just bring you back down to reality by telling you that when I say “it’s official,” I mean that Heidi Klum and Seal released a statement to People. It doesn’t get much more official than that, friends:

Heidi Klum and Seal confirm that they are splitting after almost seven years of marriage.

In an exclusive statement to PEOPLE, the Project Runway host and the singer say:

“While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate.

“We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart. This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition.

“We thank our family, friends, and fans for their kind words of support. And for our children’s sake, we appreciate you respecting our privacy.”

The couple are parents to Leni, 7, Henry, 6, Johan, 5, and Lou, 2.

What a way to start the week, am I right? It seems like the rumors of the distance getting to them were true, I guess. However, quite a few people are theorizing that Seal must have cheated on Heidi while he was away promoting his new album. This could be true, for all I know. By the way, all I know is that Seal sang that one song from Batman Forever and he’s super into Halloween. I did know that he had a super hot wife, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to true for too much longer, now does it?

Just for funzies, here’s another theory to explain the divorce: Seal has a bad temper, and Heidi it completely over it. That’s what TMZ has to bring to the table:

Heidi Klum is divorcing Seal largely because she has had it with his volcanic temper … TMZ has learned.

Sources directly connected with the couple tell us … Heidi’s decision to divorce Seal has nothing to do with a third person. There is NO issue of infidelity.

But Seal’s inability to control his anger has become too much for Heidi to take, in no small part because it’s affecting their children.

TMZ broke the story that Heidi will divorce Seal, and we’ve learned this was not a snap decision. As one source said, “It was a long time in coming.”

We’re also told … their careers also played a part in Heidi’s decision. She has become a mega-entrepreneur and extremely rich, and that professional evolution has created a distance between them.

For his part, Seal has a new album coming out and he’s about to launch an international tour.

We’re told Heidi and Seal are still living under the same roof, but that will change very soon.

What do you think?  Do you believe TMZ’s claim that there was no infidelity involved?  Can you see Seal having an anger problem?  Or do you think all the distance was just too much for the relationship to take?

Or, ok, they’re not getting divorced right now. Probably. Oh no, I didn’t just play with your emotions with that headline, did I? You didn’t think that Heidi and Seal had a surprise vow renewal/Halloween party this morning, did you? Oh, heavens.

My apologies for any hurt feelings, but there’s still a bit of confusion out there about the subject. The general consensus though is that while things aren’t going so great at the moment and they might split up, there’s no real plan to do so at the moment.

Here’s a bit from Us Weekly:

“Nothing is finalized or for sure. Seal flew back from the UK yesterday and he and Heidi are in the house together now,” friend close to the couple tells Us. “They’ve had a very rough road lately. They’re either madly in love or having crazy fights.”

The friend goes on to say that the couple’s recent trip to Aspen was full of tension, adding “they fought a lot. It was a very hard trip. It’s been very hard, but there is a lot of love there, and any decision that will be made is a tough one because they have beautiful children who they both love very deeply,” the friend says.

And here’s some additional information from People:

Seal and Heidi Klum are not headed for divorce court just yet, a source close to them tells PEOPLE.

Contrary to reports that surfaced Saturday, “They’ve been fighting a lot lately, but they have no plans to announce a split right now,” the source says. “They’re not divorcing.”

But they have been weathering a rough patch.

According to the insider, in recent months, distance has tested the famously lovey-dovey pair.

On tour to promote his new album, Soul 2, Seal recently flew solo to New York to appear on Late Show with David Letterman, then to London for more commitments.

Back together at their Brentwood, Calif., home on Saturday, “they seem to be doing a lot better,” the source adds. “They’re both wearing their wedding bands.”

Well, if the problem is distance, then that’s probably going to be a pretty big problem. Seal has that album to promote still, and it won’t be too long until Heidi has to travel to Germany to work on their Top Model show. I wouldn’t say we’re out of the woods just yet, friends.

Here’s what I don’t get: why don’t they just try to not travel for a while? I know that they each have commitments with their respective careers, but couldn’t you plan ahead and make some time to be together? I’m not saying one has to give up working entirely, but … they have four kids and so much money. They could stand not to be so busy, you know?

Or maybe I’m just being an old biddy. After all, I’m a girl who believes that Katy Perry should have reconsidered getting married if all she was going to do was depart on a yearlong world tour immediately afterwards. Am I setting women back hundreds of years or what?

Well, this is mildly devastating. And I mean that it’s mildly devastating in terms of celebrity divorces, not in general world events. No, in general world events, it’s just another sign that this world is going to hell in a hand basket, that true love and happiness don’t exist, and that everything we believe in is a lie.

The word is that Heidi Klum is set to file for divorce from Seal sometime real soon. As far as we know, and I think we would have heard about it, the actual filing hasn’t happened yet. And believe me, I wouldn’t be so quick to tell you guys that a couple of famous people were planning on filing for divorce sometime, but this news is from a pretty believable source for celebrity news, and also I can’t bear this weight alone. It’s too much for one person.

From TMZ:

Heidi Klum will file for divorce from Seal … TMZ has learned.

Sources with direct knowledge tell TMZ … Heidi will file divorce papers in L.A. County Superior Court as early as next week. We’re told Heidi will cite “irreconcilable differences” as the cause for the divorce.

The couple married May 10, 2005. They have 3 biological kids. Seal adopted Heidi’s eldest girl from a prior relationship.

The couple is famous for renewing their vows every year on their anniversary … in a lavish ceremony.

As for splitting up the goodies, there’s a lot on the line. According to Forbes, in the last year alone, Klum raked in $20 million. It’s unclear how much Seal made.

Heidi attended last Sunday’s Golden Globes without Seal. The last photo she tweeted with him was back on December 26.

The last time TMZ filmed Seal and Heidi together, we asked her what the key to a successful marriage is. She didn’t answer the question.

When this news broke, many people were as shocked as I am right now, so some further digging commenced:

There has been no comment from their reps. Klum’s father, Günther Klum, when reached on his cellphone by the German publication Bunte, sounded surprised by the news and replied, “I don’t know anything about it, call me again tomorrow.”

Ok, here’s the plan. Ready? Since the physical filing for divorce papers hasn’t happened yet, let’s go ahead and believe that it isn’t going to happen. Let’s continue to believe that pure happiness truly exists, and that you can find it in another person, and that these beautiful people have, without a doubt, found it. Let’s just wait patiently until tomorrow, when Heidi’s father is all “no, dude, are you kidding me?! These kids are together forever,” and then we’ll wait until Heidi and Seal take their beautiful family on parade to dispel these awful rumors, most likely in their legendary Halloween costumes. And then Heidi will remember what she first saw in Seal (which, by the way, was his dick), and their flame will be rekindled, and maybe they’ll even have another baby! Now doesn’t that sound like a good plan?