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5Heidi Klum Reminds Us Why Tattoos Can Be Very Bad Ideas

heidi klum seal tattoo

Heidi Klum is deleting ex husband Seal. Or, more specifically, her tattoo of his name. She was spotted strolling around NYC’s village area with her kids and a much noticeably lighter tattoo. You can see traces of it in the above photo. Here’s People‘s before/after photo and ~~the story~~.

heidi klum before after

In 2008, Klum, 40, referred to an abstract permanent design on her right inner arm as a commemoration of vow renewal with her singer husband.

“It was our fourth wedding, and we wanted to have our names tattooed together,” the America’s Got Talent judge – who is now dating her bodyguard, Martin Kirsten – said of her body art at the time. “So it’s my husband’s name and our three children – their initials, in the [three] stars.”

Now, Klum, who filed for divorce from Seal, 50, in April 2012 after seven years of marriage, “is in the process of getting her tattoo removed [...] she’s been through a few treatments,” says e source. “The stars with her children’s initials will stay intact.”

And this is why you don’t get a tattoo of your significant other’s name. Who reading this has made Ms. Klum’s mistake? I want to hear about it. Are you getting it removed? Does it really hurt? How many treatments will it take? Do you wish you’d never gotten it?

Johnny Depp knew how to do tattoo removal right. When he broke up with Winona Ryder, he changed his “Winona Forever” tattoo to “Wino Forever.” The man is a genius.

June 25, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Filed Under: Heidi Klum, Seal

2Heidi Klum Isn’t Engaged To The Help Yet, Still Just Banging Him

heidi klum martin kristen

Heidi Klum started screwing the help after her kiss from the rose that is Seal ended a couple of years back, and rumours have been rampant that the very Scandinavian life-saving duo are engaged since they’re both walking around with rings from Tiffany & Co lately. Still, don’t be so sure – Heidi basically said they’ve got the rings because she and Martin Kristen are rich and have nothing better to spend money on, NOT because they’re planning to walk down the aisle anytime soon.

From Yahoo! OMG:

“There’s no engagement. I did get a present from my boyfriend. He did give me a ring and he has the same.

“I am not engaged. I am not planning to get married anytime soon. It’s just a beautiful piece of jewelry. Just something nice.”

“I am happy. It is always hard to find the right partner and you just never know in the beginning.”

I don’t know why that strikes me as funny, but I love Heidi Klum’s suspicion about her partners. You never know in the beginning? What, like, if your partner is a homicidal maniac? Anyway, you heard the woman: no wedding yet.

May 3, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: Heidi Klum, Seal

8Oh So You Mean Heidi Klum is Fornicating With the Help?

Heidi Klum was yesterday’s guest on Katie Couric’s new show, Katie, and remember how Seal was all pissed off that his not-yet-ex-wife was “caught” fornicating with the help? Well apparently, Seal’s not-yet-ex-wife was fornicating with the help. From the mouth of Heidi:

“He’s been with our family for the last four years. He’s cared for our entire family, mostly for our four children, helped us tremendously. I trust him with my children’s life. He’s a great man, you know, and we just got to know each other from a completely different side. It [the relationship] just started.”

The “he” in question is Martin Kristen, who is Heidi’s personal bodyguard, and yes, they are f-cking. Heidi says about Seal’s accusations:

“Yes, he [Seal] has a very unique choice of words. I’m used to them. I don’t know. I don’t love that. Obviously, it’s not true. I’ve never looked at another man while I was with him. And it’s hard when you think that he thinks that, you don’t know … he was hurt … He’s moved on. When we separated he’s moved on and so have I. And it’s very hard when you start seeing somebody again, you know. All of a sudden. It’s hard then when everyone is watching you. It’s almost like you can’t have a real proper chance in a way. And I do want to date again. I’m turning 40. I don’t even know where it’s [the new relationship] going to go.”

So Seal was all pissed off when he found out that Heidi had moved on so quickly, and threw her under the bus. Then, when confronted by Heidi, Seal changed his tune, saying, “Yeah, no, Heidi didn’t cheat on me (that I’m, like, aware of), and what I meant is that she didn’t wait to move on ’til we were officially divorced.” But last I checked, neither did Seal, so … Whatever, Seal. Just whatever.

September 13, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Heidi Klum, Seal

3Seal Wants You to Know That Heidi Klum Never Cheated on Him

A photo of Heidi Klum and Seal

You guys. Hush. Heidi Klum, never, not once, cheated on Seal throughout their whole entire marriage. What a horrible thing to say. Why would you even think that? Oh, because that’s what Seal told us this weekend, that “the answer” to the question that’s plagued us all – why did this perfect love fall apart? – is that Heidi didn’t “show a little more class” and didn’t even wait “until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help.” That’s why we thought that.

And even though Seal’s claim seems pretty straightforward, it’s not. We’re all a bunch of dummies for misunderstanding Seal, and now Seal’s rep has to set us all straight:

After remarks Seal made during an airport interview regarding his estranged wife Heidi Klum and her bodyguard Martin Kirsten were picked up far and wide this weekend, a rep for the British singer issued a statement to PEOPLE.

“Seal would like to clarify that he was not implying his wife was cheating on him while they were together,” said the statement. “But rather he was pointing out that they are separated and the divorce is not final so they are legally still married.”

I understand that this poor rep here is just trying to calm everyone down, but yeah, that’s the silliest statement I’ve ever read. Seal’s original statement was very clear, and after he accused Heidi of cheating, he said “I guess you all now have the answer you have been looking for for the last seven months.” There’s really no other way to interpret that, is there?

And I do understand the point that this statement is trying to make, but I think it just makes things worse. Now the idea is that Seal is not a man who was devastated by his beloved wife’s decision to have an affair, he’s a douchebag who feels the need to comment on every dude his ex gets with after him. He wasn’t being catty to the woman who cheated on him, he was just being a total dick. “Fornicated with the help.” Honestly.

And on top of everything else, how am I even supposed to listen to “Kiss from a Rose” now without feeling nauseous?

September 3, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Heidi Klum, Seal

6Seal Is Sad That Heidi Klum is “Fornicating with The Help”

A photo of Heidi Klum and Seal

But really, that’s a thing that Seal actually said. Like, in real life. Seal is claiming that Heidi Klum destroyed their marriage because of her decision to “fornicate with the help.” Good lord.

Let’s back it up though for a minute, all right? There are these new pictures of Heidi on a beach with her bodyguard of four years, Martin Kristen. And they were playing around with her kids, and, like, sitting next to each other and stuff. In one of the pictures, the guy went in for a one-armed hug. You know, very serious, very racy stuff. And please keep in mind that Heidi and Seal announced their divorce in January. But hey, what a whore, right?

But according to Seal, yes, what a whore, indeed. He says it in a more passive aggressive way, but it’s pretty obvious what he’s getting at. Here, just read what he said:

“That’s what happens when two people separate, they move on and generally meet other people in their lives,” Seal, 49, told TMZ as he arrived at Los Angeles International Airport.

“I certainly don’t expect Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun. But as always my main priority is the emotional well-being of my children, and to be quite honest if there is going to be someone else there in their lives there, I would much rather it was a familiar face,” the singer said.

Added Seal: “That’s the only thing I would have preferred. Whilst I didn’t expect anything better from him [the bodyguard], I would of thought that Heidi would have shown a little more class and at least waited until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were.”

As for what might have caused the end of their marriage, he said, “I guess you all now have the answer you have been looking for for the last seven months.”

I don’t know, ever since I saw those photos of Seal waving around his hands and wearing yellow fingernail polish to highlight the fact that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore, I find it hard to take him seriously. When news of this couple’s divorce was just starting up, one of the most prevalent rumors was that Heidi was leaving because of Seal’s temper. And really, anyone who actually uses the phrase “fornicated with the help” seriously probably has some issues that they need to work on. So yeah, I’m still leaning towards that theory.

Also, I hope Heidi has a super time with her new partner in fornication.

September 1, 2012 at 2:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Heidi Klum, Seal

1Quotables: Seal Explains Why He Explained All Those Things He Explained

Photo: Seal on February 4

When you publicize your marriage as much as our marriage was publicized, when you renew wedding vows, when you do all those things … you’re giving people a picture of an ideal relationship that people aspire to.

…When it goes south, you can’t all of a sudden take the philosophy of a monk and decide to go for a vow of silence. It doesn’t really work like that. I respect my wife’s decision not to talk about that, but I felt that people at least deserved some kind of explanation why the picture of the ideal wasn’t what they thought it was.

Seal pauses his ongoing Explanation Tour to explain why he keeps explaining things.

You hear that? We all deserved to know.

OK: last week Emily reported that Seal and estranged wife Heidi Klum are dunzo for good. That report corroborated earlier rumors that Klum—who at one point had extended hope for reconciliation—has become way too miffed at Seal’s big mouth.

February 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm by Jenn
Filed Under: Heidi Klum, Seal
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