Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Scary Spice

Love It or Leave It: Scary Spice is So Damn Literal

photo of mel b scary spice weight loss pictures
YIKES. What the hell is this look, bodybuilder-chic? Whatever it is, I’m definitely not on board with it (ha, get it? I said “on board,” and Mel B. and a dude are “on board” a boat. Lame, yeah, I know, but it’s Thursday afternoon despite the fact that my brain feels like it’s 6 AM on a Saturday instead).

Anyway, this is Melanie Brown, AKA Scary Spice, AKA Mel B., and not Mel C., as she was announced on the ‘X-Factor’ UK earlier this week, much to her chagrin.

From the Daily Star:

Spice Girl Mel B was left red-faced when she was introduced to the X Factor crowds as her bandmate Mel C.

The singer is a guest judge at auditions in Manchester.

But she was embarrassed by one of the show’s production crew who dropped a clanger by announcing: “Please welcome Mel C!”

Fans who had queued for hours to sit in the audience knowing Mel B, 37, would be joining the panel thought a Spice Girls reunion was on the cards.

But they were disappointed when the member of staff corrected himself. One onlooker said: “It was a bit awkward, everyone looked around for Mel C. The poor guy realised he’d made a mistake but Mel didn’t look pleased!”

Well that sucks. All those fans thinking that the Spice Girls were going to do an impromptu reunion show only to be let down in a major, major way? Gosh. I know how that feels, guys. I’ve totally been there.

Last, what is that guy even doing? Holding her upright so she doesn’t tip over BECAUSE SHE’S SO TOP-HEAVY?

As for Mel’s new look, what do you guys think?

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Scary Spice Scares Me

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Mel B, or Steroid  Scary Spice attended US Weekly’s Hot Bodies Pool Party in Vegas this weekend, showing off her really, really muscular body.  Her abs are almost enough to make me take up dancing.

At the party, she spent most of her time inciting jealousy in celebrity bloggers everywhere and making out with her husband. 

That’s Just My Baby Daddy…

Eddie Murphy Fails Paternity Test

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Eddie Murphy acknowledged he is the father of Melanie Brown’s young daughter, a day after the former Spice Girl took legal action to establish him as a parent. Murphy, 46, “always has and will continue to honor his responsibilities as a father,” according to a statement released Friday through his publicist, Arnold Robinson.

Well, he “acknowledged” it right after the paternity test came back positive which is a bit like me “acknowledging” I just ate a meal once the bill arrives at my table. Not the most courageous of acts there…

And just to translate Hollyhood speak for you: “always has and will continue to honor his responsibilities” means “will fight like hell to establish that he’s not the father and then once the court system starts bearing down on him he’ll make a statement so as not to look like a total knobjob.” Whew, translating is tough!

“Mr. Murphy and Ms. Brown dated very briefly and never made any plans of ANY sort,” the statement said.

Well, at the very least they made plans to have some sex. They might have been very short term plans, or plans that didn’t have a lot of forethought, but a plan was made nonetheless. Conversely Scary Spice Mel B says:

She said she and Murphy dated for four months in 2006 before mutually deciding to have a child.She said she and Murphy dated for four months in 2006 before mutually deciding to have a child.

So someone is lying. But if it went down like Mel says than the conversation was like this:

Scary: Hey, we’ve been dating four months now…. so…
Eddie: Hmmm? What’s that? I have to go do the donkey voice for Shrek in a few minutes, so let’s make this snappy.
Scary: What I’m saying here is I think we should have a child. Mutually.
Eddie: Okay, sounds good.

The truth, like all great truths in life, is probably somewhere in between. Maybe he agreed to have a kid right before doing it which we all know doesn’t count.

Angel Iris Murphy Brown was born April 3.

No one but me will remember this, but wasn’t there some big stink about the show “Murphy Brown” back in the day? Where she was a single mom and the VP Danny Quayle came out and said she was not a role model and was in fact a big whore? I swear I remember that… so the irony of your kid having that Murphy Brown moniker is not lost on me. Nor should it be on you.

Happy Saturday people!

Eddie Murphy’s Bastard Kid Hatched

Here’s a video of that song Michael Jackson and Ed Murphy did, awesomely called “Wazupwitu.”

I include this because it’s Murphy’s other secret shame (besides knocking up Scary Spice).

On that note Scary Spice has given birth. Her spokesmodel said:

“The baby is completely healthy with a good head of hair,” No name has been decided on as yet, and she is purely known as Baby Brown.”

Ed Murphy has already stated he’ll be asking for a paternity test, and at the Oscars he threw out this little bomb to a reporter:

I don’t know whose child that is until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, sir.”

No I shan’t! Oh no, wait, I shall. Mostly because if the spice rack is willing to go the paternity route she’s probably pretty certain. I’m guessing she remembers who she had sex with around that timeframe.

Oh, and proof that God has a sense of humor: The kid was born on Eddie’s birthday. Which is today. Happy birthday Eddie!

Scary Spice Strikes Back

Scary Spice Mel B., who is clearly not dating Eddie Murphy anymore, responded to his very public allegations that the baby she’s carrying may not be his:

“I am obviously upset and distressed at some of the comments made by Eddie Murphy to the media. I have no idea why anybody would want to conduct themselves in this kind of manner about such a personal matter in such a public way. My main concern is for the well being of my daughter Phoenix and of course the baby. I was astonished what Eddie said – there is absolutely no question that Eddie is the father. My main concern is to concentrate on the well being of my daughter and baby.”

Link It Up

A day with Paula Abdul is not worth $26,000 to anyone. A day with her Vicodin supply? Now that’s another story. [CelebSlam]

Nicole Richie doesn’t like it when strangers text message her. [Drunken Stepfather]

Scary Spice is carrying Eddie Murphy’s love child. [Juicy-News]

Check out the video from Christina Aguilera’s new single, “Hurt,” which comes complete with a father-daughter separation scene straight out of a Michael Lohan cartoon. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Before they became the alcoholic, abusive, herpetic mess we all took such pure joy in watching them become, Liza Minelli and David Gest filmed a pilot for a reality show. Because God loves you, this footage has surfaced. [Perez Hilton]

Ellen Degeneres invites a hyptonist on her show for a weepy attempt to rid herself of the smoking habit, the cumulative result of which is that now I want a cigarette. [Defamer]