Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Saved By The Bell

There’s Going to Be a Saved by the Bell Musical!

photo of saved by the bell musical reunion pics
From a Manhattan news source:

“Bayside! The UnMusical!,” a fluorescent-T-shirt filled parody running at the Kraine Theatre on East Fourth Street from May 9 – 19, takes the sitcom’s fans right back to a time when the hottest friends on TV were the gang that attended Bayside High.

“We are paying homage to them [the characters] by making fun of them,” said Tobly McSmith, 31, of Williamsburg, who co-wrote the play with his cousin, Bob McSmith, 32, of Bushwick. Tobly McSmith spoke at a preview of the play on Monday.
The play is a spinoff of the hugely popular TV show, which followed teens through the trials and tribulations of high school. It ran from 1989 to 1993 and spawned the careers of “Showgirls” star Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie), TV host Mario López (AC Slater), crime drama star Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris), Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski), and Dustin Diamond (Screech).

The play begins when the “SBTB” gang find out their one and only hangout burger joint called “the Max” is closing. The crew rallies together to save it, and hilarity ensues — a plot familiar to fans of the show. However, the McSmiths used their imagination to put a spin on what was really going on at Bayside High.

“We definitely think that Slater was gay,” said Tobly McSmith, whose play is sprinkled with musical numbers in which hard-bodied jock Slater questions his sexuality. “It is downtown theater. It’s edgy. It’s fun.”

Among the other challenges facing the characters are pregnancy, addiction to prescription pills and abortion. The play also takes a flippant approach to issues with sexuality, race and religion. “We want the audience to laugh a lot and even learn something,” said Bob McSmith. “The aim of comedy is to be offensive.”

So! This sounds like it’s going to suck. Making Slater gay? Well. I mean, we always kind of had that thought, too, since he was so over-sexualized and sexist and women-hating. And he did go for the most “masculine” (and the hottest) girl of the Bayside gang, too, what with her brains and her brawn and her feminist ways. I’m not so sure, though, how I feel about the cast of the play rewriting the show’s basis so much that it’d include pregnancy, addiction, and abortion. Just sort of seems like it’s normalizing something that kids in high school—because that’s what this show was about—should be normalizing.

I love theater and “theater” as much as the next, but I think I’ll take a pass on this one, guys.

Watch This: The Evolution of the Cell Phone, As Depicted by ‘Saved by the Bell’

Did you hear the news? The iPhone 5 will be unveiled, rumor has it, at noon (CST) today!

But 20 years ago, Zack Morris was on the bleeding edge of Mobile Information Technologies. And no wonder Zack was so smug! He was the first high-schooler to ever have his cell phone confiscated by the principal!

What’s weird is how, in the course of Saved by the Bell, Zack Morris upgrades to a slick, silver flip-phone, but then promptly downgrades to his former black brick. And then he downgrades again, to a massive beige log! Financial troubles in the Morris household, maybe?

Thanks, Buzzfeed.

Relive Your Favorite Scenes from ‘Saved By the Bell’

Look! It’s a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure YouTube video!

Made by the talented Doctor Octoroc (née Levi Buffum—he made the similar “8-Bit Glee” game) and written by the Fine Bros., “Saved by the Bell Interactive” revisits a few of your favorite episodes!

Saved by the Bell was voted the Best School TV Show of All Time, Us reported yesterday, besting 90210 in the polls by a narrow margin.

(Related: a Saved by the Bell-themed music video starring the cast of Final Destination 5. No, really.)

Kelly Kapowski is Ready to Pop

photo of a very pregnant tiffani thiessen on her cell phone walking around a golf course

Tiffani Thiessen, whose pregnancy I mentioned earlier in the week, was finally captured on camera after all of these weeks, showing off her gorgeous baby bump. TMZ got the exclusive photo of Tiffani toddling around a golf course, cell phone in hand, and wearing all black.

She looks fabulous. This is, you know, her eighty-fifth week of pregnancy or something. Ever see a spider egg right before it opens? A big, thick, white pulsating cocoon of eenie-weenie baby spiders just scratching at the chance to get out? That’s what I think of when I look at this picture. That Tiffani Thiessen is going to turn the wrong way and she’s just going to rip and explode with thousands of tiny, adorable, wailing babies, all looking to suckle and feed, and get fashion advice.

Congratulations on the pregnancy, Tiff, and good luck with the delivery! I can’t wait to see the photos of what’s sure to be one of Hollywood’s cutest babies … and who’d think otherwise? Kelly Kapowski used to be the fiercest bitch on the block, ‘til Valerie Malone came along, anyway.

Image courtesy of TMZ

Zack Morris is Totally Back on the Market, You Guys

photo of mark-paul gosselaar and estranged wife, lisa ann russell

Mark-Paul Gosselaar and his wife of thirteen years, Lisa Ann Russell, have separated, sources confirm. According to these sources, Mark-Paul is all broken up over the, uh, breakup. Hence the term, I guess.

The couple has two children together, but there’s been no word on whether or not a custody arrangement will be discussed. Gosselaar’s rep also states that you’re probably not going to get any icky details or insight into what happened between the couple to cause the split:

“Mark-Paul Gosselaar and his wife Lisa are currently separated, but they both remain focused on their family and are jointly committed to their children.”

I know that divorce isn’t cool and any kind of breakup after a long-term relationship sucks, but hey, Zack Mark-Paul. Look on the bright side: Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (who, incidentally, has a name built similarly to your own with that whole annoying-assed hyphen thing that even she doesn’t use anymore, ’cause it’s so 1989) is probably willing to shag you one last time for posterity.

Oh … wait. No, probably ‘no’ on that. She and her husband are expecting a child of their own this year. Sorry, pal. Maybe you can look up your old pal Lisa Turtle or if you’re really desperate, Screech Powers. I hear he’s pretty desperate these days, himself.

Sorry to hear the bad news, pal, and I hope everything works out for you and yours. You were a big part of my childhood and adolescence, and I totally do not regret buying the DVD set of both Saved By the Bell and Saved By the Bell: The College Years.

… Well, maybe The College Years. But just a little bit.