And if you’re anything like me, you probably thought Kate Gosselin was one of the biggest twats going, along with Spencer Pratt, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Tila Tequila (don’t even bother asking me about the Ronaldo thing – he just strikes me as an uber-greaseball twat-face and I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why).

Kate, if you’ll remember, was asked to be on Sarah Palin’s Alaska not too long ago. The premise of the segment was a camping stint, where the two women were supposed to bond with their children, each other, and wild, wild Alaskan nature.

It apparently all went down, and Kate was as big a gitch as ever. Here are actual quotes from Kate during the filming of this particular episode, which aired the night before last.

Kate on misunderstanding the concept of camping:

“We are not camping people, I’ll scream it from mountaintops. This is ridiculous. Why would you pretend to be homeless? I don’t get it, I just don’t get the concept.”

Kate digging Sarah for actually having the audacity to enjoy camping:

“I’ve never camped for real. You really like this?”

Kate continuing to bitch and moan:

“I’m worried about my toes; they’re freezing.”

“I’ve been bitten [by bugs] about 200 times — it’s horrible.”

“I’m miserable, but somebody‘s gotta be. This is cruel and unusual punishment.”

Kate, flying off the handle that her children wanted to stay after she, herself, claimed that she was fed up with the camping BS and wanted to leave:

“Okay, goodbye. You’re now a Palin, not a Gosselin.”

The children were forced by their mother to return to the plane immediately, which took them back to their home in Pennsylvania. Sarah Palin and her family stayed and camped for the remainder of the night.

The best quote of the entire segment? What Palin’s father had to say about Kate after the show aired:

“She bitched from the moment she got off the plane.”

Sarah Palin definitely came out looking tops on this one, and guys? That’s a scary, scary thing for me to admit.

“If you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you, like all of us, to live our lives with less government interference and more independence, you would embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert.”

Remember those pesky rumors going ’round about how Sarah Palin pushed her daughter Bristol into competing on Dancing With the Stars? A valiant effort to repair the damage the teen mom had done by getting knocked up during Sarah’s run for Vice Presidency? OK.  Well this is directly from the horse’s mouth – this is Bristol refuting co-star Margaret Cho’s claim that she is Sarah’s little publicity pawn, while throwing a couple of lesbian-themed remarks at the end of her diatribe, which you can read in its entirety here, for good measure.

Let it be said that I’m SO not a fan of Bristol or – by virtue – Sarah Palin.  And though I do think that Margaret Cho is borderline obnoxious about a lot of things and generally unfunny, I have to say – come the fuck on. Aiming gay, Indigo Girls jokes at Margaret Cho, a woman who will be eternally more successful than you could ever hope to be, Bristol?  I mean, Margaret might be over the top when it comes to her humor, and a lot of people might be turned off at the visual of the bisexual Margaret getting it on with anyone – male or female – but throwing tacky insults around on a Facebook fan page of all places, please. When your claim to fame has something to do with anything aside from being pushed around by a Mama Grizzly mother and being a teen mom, then you might have a shred of credibility. Until then, shut up. You sound as under-educated as you’d assume a high school drop out would.

“Now I am scared I am going to wake up with a decapitated moose head in my bed.”

- Margaret Cho, beautiful comedian and “Dancing With the Stars” contestant, discussing her fears on the repercussions of speaking ill of the Palins.

This all happened on Margaret’s blog, and to clarify, she only had nice things to say about Bristol.  She says she’s “warm and incredibly supportive,” and that she’s proud of her work on the show.  However, Margaret also says that someone who “really should seriously know the dirt really really” told her that Bristol only did the show after being strong-armed by her mom.  Apparently, Sarah thinks she lost the election because Bristol went and got knocked up and tarnished her image (it wasn’t because of anything she did or like politics or anything), and the plan is to pull a fast one on America by making them fall in love with Bristol and her mediocre dancing skills so that Sarah will win the election in 2012.

I trust Margaret Cho, and I think this course of events could have definitely taken place, but would Sarah Palin’s diabolical plan actually work?  Are there people out there who saw Bristol Palin on “Dancing With the Stars,” thought she was nice, and decided to vote for her mom solely based on that?  Please tell me those people don’t exist.

No, it’s not good ol’ Bristol again. This time it’s Willow, Sarah’s sixteen year old daughter. Apparently she and her 18-year old BF have been bumping uglies for a minute, and when Willow’s period was over a week late recently, she freaked out that she was as fertile as her mom and big sis.

According to the source who spoke to the National Enquirer, Sarah was shocked after hearing the news that she may be a grandmother for the second time. The only thing that probably shocked her more was that the at-home pregnancy test they got her came back negative.

Abstinence, huh? Tell me more.

Thank God that not everyone who owns a television votes, am I right?!!?

Sarah Palin’s Alaska premiered last night and the show set record ratings for TLC.

From DeadlineHollywoodDaily:

The premiere of TLC’s Sarah Palin’s Alaska last night drew 5 million viewers to become the most watched series premiere ever on the cable network. The documentary series starring the former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate and executive produced by Mark Burnett also set a record for a TLC series debut in households with a 3.5 rating. Its 18-49 delivery was 1.6 million. Sarah Palin’s Alaska posted triple-digit rating gains vs. the network’s primetime average in the 9 PM slot, where it faced NBC’s Sunday Night Football, ABC’s Desperate Housewives and CBS’ Undercover Boss.

Are people just tuning in for the freak show, or does anyone actually give a shit about what Sarah Palin has to say about the great state of Alaska? How many people live in Alaska, BTW? Anywhere near 5 million? No, just about 700,000. So we can’t blame them. Shit.

Who watched this last night? SHOW YOUR FACE, PALIN SUPPORTERS.

“That makes no sense because someone always runs for President … [Sarah] wouldn’t go through with a campaign even if she was nominated.”

Levi Johnston in response to Sarah Palin’s latest rumored-Presidential-run comment along the lines that she’d – yup – run if there was no one else to do it.

Johnston also spoke directly to TMZ and claimed that his ex-girlfriend’s baby mama wasn’t qualified to be President of the United States, even if she was nominated, or worse, elected.

Honestly. Some people will go to great lengths to stay relevant even for another minute. And by ‘some people,’ I mean both Levi Johnston and Sarah Palin.