Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Sarah Larson

At Least George Clooney’s New Girlfriend Doesn’t Look Exactly Like His Old Girlfriend

George Clooney and Girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis at London Premiere of Fantastic Mr. Fox Pictures Photos


Oh, wait.

(At the London premiere of The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Also there: Cindy Crawford. Who also looks exactly like one of George Clooney’s girlfriends. But it’s not like he has a type.)

Hey, Look Who’s in My Neck of the Woods!

It’s Sarah Larson, throwing like a girl at a charity softball game in Tacoma.

I wish I’d known!

A friend of mine wanted me to come with her to the So You Think You Can Dance tour in Tacoma last night. I was like, “Listen, bitch, if you won’t come with me to see New Kids on the Block, you’re not exactly in a position to ask any favors.” But if I’d known Sarah Larson was in town! I would have driven my friend to Tacoma, dropped her off at the tour, then bought an ant farm and delivered it to Sarah Larson’s suitcase. I can’t believe I missed this opportunity.

Why I Didn’t Run the “Naughty” Sarah Larson Photos


Because, as much as I hate the girl, she’s not doing anything wrong in them. She’s not even naked for chrissake. She’s behaving like a run-of-the-mill twenty-something goofing around with her friends. There are 20,000 photos out there of me doing the same shit. In fact, there are plenty of photos of me out there doing worse shit. Just track down my Facebook page. Or MySpace. And it’s not something I’m embarrassed about or I hide because, ya know, I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m behaving like a single, childless twenty-something who hits the clubs or the beach and gets crazy with her girlfriends, because, like, it’s fun and normal and healthy to do that. I dunno, I guess I thought the story was kind of boring. I’m waiting for that little whore to cheat on George with, like, John Mayer. Those are the photos I’m waiting for.

But if you care, the whole set is here.

Oh Go Die

Sarah Larson, George Clooney’s Girlfriend, at LA Premiere of Leatherheads, Pictures, Photos

Here’s Sarah Larson, George Clooney’s hooker of a girlfriend, at the LA premiere of Leatherheads.

The photo agency has taken to identifying her as “Model Sarah Larson.”


She is not a model!!! She’s a fucking waitress!!! WHY DOES SHE GET TO MAGICALLY BE A MODEL NOW THAT SHE’S DATING GEORGE CLOONEY???

The world is just one big giant ball of injustices.

Cool dress, though. For a hooker.

George Clooney Wants to Turn His Stupid Hooker Girlfriend into a Movie Star


Fuck this.

Sources are reporting that George Clooney has been bugging his friend, director Stephen Soderbergh, to put his hooker girlfriend, Sarah Larson, in one of his upcoming movies, tentatively titled Garland Bunting Project. Georgey apparently thinks this little cum dumpster would make a great movie star.

I’m going to make a movie, too. It’s going to be called the Larson Hunting Project, and it’s going to be a documentary of me stalking Sarah Larson and throwing things at her — condoms, feces, apples, the usual — while calling her a slut at the top of my lungs. Then I will be a huge movie star, too. Stupid Sarah Larson. George Clooney was supposed to fall in love with me and make me a movie star. You ruined everything!!!