Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Sarah Jessica Parker

Lawsuit Watch: Madonna V. Sarah Jessica Parker

Looks like Sarah Jessica Parker’s in trouble … for absconding with Madonna’s guns.

SJP was photographed earlier this week hanging out with one of her twin baby daughters and son, but I was too blinded by the children’s beauty to see the forest for the trees.

Parker’s been looking all ripped up for a few years now, but I’m thinking lately she’s rivaling the sinewy, veiny, transparent-skinned Madonna with those crazy massive biceps.

So … who would win in a fight to the finish? Sarah Jessica Parker or Madonna?

The Sarah Jessica Parker Who’s Not Dead Totes Her Kids Around NYC

Although reports on April 1st emerged regarding Sarah Jessica Parker and the Grim Reaper, she was photographed earlier today looking alive and well not awful taking her eldest son, James Wilkie, to school. One of her baby twin daughters was pictured strapped to the Sex and the City star’s chest.

James Wilkie looks like a really young, modern-day Ferris Bueller … but I guess that’s what you get when he’s your dad. (Yes, Matthew Broderick, despite the fact that you claimed to move onto “bigger and better things”, you’ll forever live in my mind as the cocky high-school student who had that one really slammin’ day.)

That is all.

Sarah Jessica Parker Dead?

No, despite the fact that this particular topic is currently the number one trend on both Google and Twitter, Sarah Jessica Parker is not pushing up daisies.

Where did the hoax originate?  Someone who posed as Perez Hilton yesterday thought that an awesome April Fool’s Day joke would be to announce SJP’s premature death. A day later, the hubbub surrounding the faux-report hasn’t died down a bit, even though reps for Parker state that she is, indeed, alive and well.

I’m all for April Fools’ pranks — I guess I’m infantile like that — but this is definitely crossing the line a little bit.  It’s actually sort of approaching the line, teasing that you’re going to cross it and then shitting on it and vaulting over it when everyone’s looking the other way. There’s nothing less funny about pretending that someone’s kicked. And someone like SJP … come on, completely unbelievable. The story would have had much more credibility if it involved, say, her mole coming back to life and attacking the whole of New York City.

Or something.