Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica Parker Takes Her Crazy Faced Twins Out For a Walk

Hey! Before you all pigpile on me in the comments for making fun of babies, let me clarify: Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick’s twin girls are majorly adorable, but with two actors making up their DNA, it’s no surprise that they’re so animated. Especially whichever one it is that Sarah The Wilting Flower‘s holding. They’re twins. You expect me to be able to tell them apart? Please. No one can. I feel like if you took off their little Ugg boots you’d find their names written on the bottom on their feet in Crayola marker just like they did when Jesse and Becky had twins on Full House.

Anyway, this baby’s faces gave me more chuckles than any LOLCat I’ve laid my eyes on recently, so click through to see what else she’s got…

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Quotables: Sarah Jessica Parker is Like a Flower Wilting in a Time-Lapse Film

Sarah Jessica Parker on the cover of Elle

“I don’t know what I can do about the aging. Yes, I am aging. Oh my God, I’m aging all the time. It’s like those flowers that wilt in front of you in time-lapse films. But what can I possibly do? Look like a lunatic?”

- Sarah Jessica Parker to Elle about what it’s like to age in Hollywood without the help of Botox.

Well, that sounds more horrific than it probably needs to, huh?

CFDA Awards Red Carpet: THE DRESSES

Last night the CFDA (Council of Fashion Designers of America) hosted its annual awards ceremony in New York City. As you might expect, the red carpet was kind of fantastic. A billion pics in the gallery below.

Representing: Sarah Jessica Parker, Alexis Bledel, Brooke Shields, Betsey Johnson (and her Botox-lipped daughter, Lulu), Jessica Stam, Doutzen Kroes, Dakota Fanning, David Bowie and Iman, Emilie de Ravin, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Mara, Michael Kors, Molly Sims, Rachel Zoe, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Carmen Kass, Anna Wintour and daughter Bee Shaffer, and Michelle Trachtenberg.

Extra credit goes to Jessica Biel and Whitney Port, who both managed to attend the MTV Movie Awards in LA the night before.

The Sex and the City 2 Premiere: Dresses, Drag Queens and Douches, Oh My!

photo of sarah jessica parker in chartreuse yellow dress at the sex and the city 2 premiere in new york city

So, the SATC premiere was last night in New York City. I didn’t go ’cause I was too busy watching the series finale of 24, but made sure I caught up with the SATC ladies this morning, paying homage to the mostly-fabulous dresses. And damn, some of those dresses — like, really. But then again, what else would you expect from a movie that’s so heavily-rooted in fashion?

I’m probably going to have to go and admit that Carrie Sarah Jessica Parker was probably the best dressed of the night. There’s just something so viscerally pleasing about chartreuse with grey heels. Stellar. And the night, naturally, was just filled with fashion cameos — Bo Derek showed up looking like … well, looking like she was going to clean a yacht rather than attend a big-name movie premiere. And then there was Petra Nemacova, who looked all of twelve years old, and Michelle Trachtenberg, who appeared rather pissed off that she looked like sausage in torn casing in her dress.

While I thoroughly expected Kim Catrall to look the best of all of the SATC ladies, she totally looked the worst — definitely more like 60 year-old drag-queen that forgot his Spanx at home than the hot, hot woman I’ve come to love since her plastic part on Mannequin.

Oh, and Jennifer Love Hewitt … I totally think you’re an asshat, but you looked pretty damn great last night, I can’t deny.

Check out the photos in the gallery from last night’s events and after party.

Lawsuit Watch: Madonna V. Sarah Jessica Parker

Looks like Sarah Jessica Parker’s in trouble … for absconding with Madonna’s guns.

SJP was photographed earlier this week hanging out with one of her twin baby daughters and son, but I was too blinded by the children’s beauty to see the forest for the trees.

Parker’s been looking all ripped up for a few years now, but I’m thinking lately she’s rivaling the sinewy, veiny, transparent-skinned Madonna with those crazy massive biceps.

So … who would win in a fight to the finish? Sarah Jessica Parker or Madonna?

The Sarah Jessica Parker Who’s Not Dead Totes Her Kids Around NYC

Although reports on April 1st emerged regarding Sarah Jessica Parker and the Grim Reaper, she was photographed earlier today looking alive and well not awful taking her eldest son, James Wilkie, to school. One of her baby twin daughters was pictured strapped to the Sex and the City star’s chest.

James Wilkie looks like a really young, modern-day Ferris Bueller … but I guess that’s what you get when he’s your dad. (Yes, Matthew Broderick, despite the fact that you claimed to move onto “bigger and better things”, you’ll forever live in my mind as the cocky high-school student who had that one really slammin’ day.)

That is all.

Sarah Jessica Parker Dead?

No, despite the fact that this particular topic is currently the number one trend on both Google and Twitter, Sarah Jessica Parker is not pushing up daisies.

Where did the hoax originate?  Someone who posed as Perez Hilton yesterday thought that an awesome April Fool’s Day joke would be to announce SJP’s premature death. A day later, the hubbub surrounding the faux-report hasn’t died down a bit, even though reps for Parker state that she is, indeed, alive and well.

I’m all for April Fools’ pranks — I guess I’m infantile like that — but this is definitely crossing the line a little bit.  It’s actually sort of approaching the line, teasing that you’re going to cross it and then shitting on it and vaulting over it when everyone’s looking the other way. There’s nothing less funny about pretending that someone’s kicked. And someone like SJP … come on, completely unbelievable. The story would have had much more credibility if it involved, say, her mole coming back to life and attacking the whole of New York City.

Or something.