4Oh, F-ck Off: Gwyneth Paltrow Is Bringing Her Bullshit To Video

It’s not enough that Gwyneth Paltrow wants to tell you how wrong your life is and how right hers always has and always will be at every available opportunity in print. No, now she’s going to bring along fellow psycho, advocate of the 700 calorie per day diet and “personal trainer” Tracy Anderson for a ten episode online mini-series called Second Chances. As in, you don’t always have to be a fat, poor failure! If you listen to me and Tracy here, we’ll give you a second chance at being just like us!

Think that doesn’t sound bad enough? Well, think again. Ryan Seacrest Productions is bankrolling and producing this bullshit. Lord, give me strength.

From Variety:

“It’s a new focus for us, in the context of this company,” he said of digital development at Ryan Seacrest Prods.

The Paltrow project emanated from TV development that Ryan Seacrest Prods. was working on with the A-list actress. “Second Chances,” which co-stars fitness guru Tracy Anderson, reveals the inspiring stories of women who’ve overcome all manner of adversity.

AOL is expected to announce “Second Chances” as part of its newfronts slate on Tuesday in New York.

Hilariously, this seems a whole lot like Amanda de Cadenet’s The Conversation, which Gwyneth appeared on but failed to secure a second season from Lifetime. Oopsies.

May 1, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

12Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough Are No More

Nooooo, how could this be happening? How could true love die?!?! Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough, the American Idol generation’s one shining beacon of everlasting love (LOL) and a possible example of proper bearding techniques are no longer together. This actually does kind of suck, ‘cos they were sort of weirdly adorable together, in that way that those stuffed animasl an ex won you at a carnival that’re now sitting in a trash bag in your basement is. If you want to know what the hell I’m talking about, good luck, because I don’t know either.

In any case, US Weekly reports that the split was probably amicable but was definitely due to the distance – after all, with both living and working in Los Angeles and the traffic on the 405 being shitty pretty much all hours of the day, it’s too much ground to cover, too much adversity to overcome.

And the notoriously busy Hollywood pair, who began dating in 2010, may have their packed schedules to blame.

“Honestly, their schedules were too hectic,” a source tells Us. “It just got to be too much. I think they both just sort of knew they couldn’t do it anymore. The travel and lifestyle got to be too much. Who knows if this is just for now, but I think this is for good.”

In all seriousness, relationships do require the people in them to, you know, have time together and maybe their careers are making that impossible, so whatevs. I’ll try to dry my tears, here.

March 16, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

2Quotables

“He was after me since I was 18 … he totally wasn’t my type … I thought he was gay … After a few years, he was persistent … so I went out with him on a date and I realized how much I liked him.”

Julianne Hough on her newest (and confirmed!) boyfriend, Ryan Seacrest. Don’t sweat it too much, though, Jules. A lot of other people thought he was gay, too, but that didn’t stop them from swooning over him. Everyone caves sooner or later.

July 22, 2010 at 7:20 am by Sarah

20Some Fat Dude With A Blog Is In Big Trouble For Tweeting Miley Cyrus’ Vag

A blogger whose name I won’t even bother to write (you know who I’m talking about. That fat guy with the blue hair who cried on the Internet after Will.i.Am beat him up last year) is causing controversy over an image he posted to his Twitter page yesterday. The photo was of 17 year old pop star Miley Cyrus climbing out of a car crotch first, and it appeared that she was going comando. The blogger is claiming that it wasn’t actually a dirty pic saying, “Do you think I’m stupid enough to post a photo of Miley if she’s not wearing any underwear down there? Sure I like to be controversial, but I don’t want to go to jail,” but it sounds like his intent was to make his audience believe that that’s what they were seeing.

Although Miley seems unphased by the photo, writing the blogger off as “an idiot” on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning, the blogger’s actions are considered criminal in the minds of many. Even if the so-called “vagina” was just a flap of leg chub, reporting it to be her private parts is just as bad as if it actually was. Putting a pornographic illusion of an underage girl is just as bad as posting an actual beaver shot in my mind.

June 16, 2010 at 12:55 pm by Molls

7OK, So Is He Gay, Or Is He Not Gay?

I’m just so torn and confused. Ryan Seacrest, who’s actually grown on me over the years, was photographed earlier in the week, sauntering wait, no, straight guys don’t saunter walking along the beach with Dancing With the Stars Julianne Hough. The two look cozy, and Seacrest doesn’t look all that pleased to be photographed, which is surprising, considering who he is and what he does for a living.

This isn’t the first time the two have been linked — they were said to have attended a “cozy” dinner a few months back where the two shared “intimate kisses.”

Well, either way, sweet. I love Ryan. And if he’s happy, then I’m happy. And if he’s dating Julianne Hough, great, and if he’s using her as a decoy in order to get into her brother Derek’s much-tighter pants, so be that, too.

June 16, 2010 at 7:37 am by Sarah

10Guess Who Wants Even Bigger Tits?

The unoriginal Tits McGee herself, Heidi Montag.

Husband Spencer Pratt speaks to Life & Style magazine and claims that a combination of Heidi’s drive for an uber-plastic bod and comments from Ryan Seacrest stating that Heidi’s jugs weren’t all that big have driven her to upgrade. Again.

“When Heidi entered the studio [to be interviewed], Ryan told her that her breasts didn’t look that big to him … She was taken aback. She came home in shock.”

But Heidi’s spokes-ass doesn’t stop there. He claims that while Seacrest played a part in the destruction of his wife’s … uh, ego, she’d been unhappy with the way her boobs came out from the get-go:

“When Heidi woke up from the anesthesia [last time], she was angry [her breasts] weren’t bigger. She said she wanted to punch the doctor in the face. I try to stop her. She’ll do what she wants with her body.”

With absolutely no encouragement from you, Doctor Frankenstein, am I right?

Oh, and her latest surgery might actually debut on television this time. Spencer Insiders state that Heidi and Spencer want to televise the breast augmentation on TV and hope that E! or Oxygen might pick up what is sure to turn into a blockbuster show. Like “Fist Pumping For Love.”

May 5, 2010 at 9:26 am by Sarah