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Ryan Lochte

0Ryan Lochte’s Stoner Brain Can’t Remember How Many Olympic Medals He Has

ryan lochte
Ryan Lochte is a man of many hats. He’s a reality TV star, a future fashion designer… oh, and an Olympic medal-winning swimmer. Heh heh, almost forgot about that.  I know lots of ladies (and bros – we’re equal opportunity around here) go nuts for this bozo, but bless his heart, he hasn’t got the sense God gave him. Or, more likely, it floated away in a haze of White Widow smoke long ago.

From Parade:

Online Extra: Where does Ryan keep his medals?
“My mom keeps them. She tucks them away and probably has them in some kind of safe. The Olympics are last year. In the past. I’ve forgotten about how many medals I’ve won,  and how many records I’ve broken. I have to keep moving forward and keep my eyes on the prize of what I really want to accomplish in the sport of swimming,” he says.

“My mom keeps them.” My mom keeps them. This is a grown ass man with enough discipline to become a world-class athletes but he can’t be trusted with his medals. Lord almighty.

On a related note, has anyone been watching his show? I feel like I’ve missed out on so much. Going to Hulu it now.

May 3, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Ryan Lochte

2Ryan Lochte Wants His Own Fashion Line Now

ryan lochte

Ryan Lochte may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have dreams, dammit! All he wants to do is win some more swimming medals at the next Olympics, meet his dream girl and… own a fashion line? Sure, okay, why not.

From Yahoo! OMG:

In a preview for the swimmer’s E! series “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” he shows off his shoe closet … which holds 150 pairs! He unveils multiple pieces from his collection, including a “one-of-a-kind” pair of metallic, bright-green-and-yellow sneakers with his name sprawled across the sole in large letters, designed by Lochte himself. “These are the very first things that really brought me out in the fashion world.”

And the fashion world is where he plans to stay! The 28-year-old swimmer reveals his future career ambition in the clip saying, “I really love fashion. My dream is definitely to have my own apparel and accessory line … I want everyone to be in my shoes walkin’.”

There’s a video to support all this, so I’ll just leave this here:

May 1, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Ryan Lochte

5Attention, Ladies: Ryan Lochte’s Got A List Of Demands As Long As Your Arm

ryan lochte

Ryan Lochte fancies himself a bit of an idiot a stud, but since I’m not really his target demographic, I can’t really speak to that. What I can tell you is that he’s single and ready to mingle… so long as you meet his list of requirements (and boy, is it a list).

From Cosmopolitan (via DigitalSpy):

“I am a single guy right now, but you’ll see me going on dates [on my new show],” Lochte disclosed to the magazine. “I need someone who is able to hold her own – if a girl is really independent, that’s a turn-on for me.”

He continued: “She doesn’t have to play a sport for me to be interested in her! But if a girl smokes, that’s a big turn-off.”

Lochte added that he is in fact looking for a serious relationship, particularly with a woman who can cope with his busy lifestyle.

“I want a best friend and a lover at the same time. And I want her to make me laugh,” he said. “I like someone who doesn’t care what people think – who’s not afraid of making a fool out of herself.”

I’m happily taken, but were I in “the scene”, one of my first requirements would probably be “don’t be Ryan Lochte” – basically, a modicum of intelligence would come in handy. In any case, I’m sure there’s no shortage of ladies who would jump at the chance, though, so I’m sure he’ll be just fine.

 

April 23, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Ryan Lochte

20Ryan Lochte Wants To Be Just Like Kim Kardashian

ryan lochte kim kardashian

As you probably already know, Ryan Lochte has a reality show coming on soon, and who better to look to as a beacon of success in that arena but Kim Kardashian, the veritable queen of unscripted-but-really-scripted TV? I know, I know – who in their right mind would want to have anything in common with the Kardashians (except maybe their money)? Alas, Ryan’s swimming prowess has canceled out his brain power and that’s exactly what he wants.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

“Kim started from pretty much nothing, and now everyone everywhere knows who she is,” he says. “That’s what I want to do.”

As well known for his six-pack abs, “playa” reputation and oversize sneaker collection as he is for his three world records and 11 Olympic medals (including five golds), Lochte sees no reason why he can’t follow Kardashian’s trajectory. “I’ve seen what E! has done in the past with reality shows like hers,” he says admiringly of his network co-star, whom he has not yet met. “Today, she’s huge.”

Well… okay, but newsflash: training your whole life to become a world-class athlete who has won medals at the Olympics is a much bigger accomplishment than turning your life into a soap opera for any gadget with a record function in a 100 yard radius. I mean, I think so, anyway.

What Would Ryan Lochte Do? seems like the Jackass of the Generation Y set – stoners, apply within – and therefore it will probably be cringe-worthy and really hilarious. In other words, I’m in.

April 5, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer