Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Ryan Gosling

Your Daily Gosling Squad

photo of ryan gosling gangster squad pics
The official trailer for Ryan’s latest movie, Gangster Squad, is here, the movie in which he’s reunited with his Crazy, Stupid Love co-star Emma Stone*. Check it out:

First, let me say that I will probably never look at Sean Penn again without automatically thinking “Scarlett Johansson sex, Scarlett Johansson sex,” and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You know how sometimes someone can be marginal-looking, and then they have this hot piece of ass latch onto them for whatever reason, and that hot piece of ass makes them hotter by association? That’s what we’ve got going on here, I think (but then again, I haven’t had my first cup of coffee yet, so I could be mistaken on that one). Second. Why is Ryan Gosling using his weenie voice to talk throughout this film? Is his gangster name supposed to be Tiny or something? Will all of the other gangsters in the squad look bigger than he is through trick photography? Or did they think that Weenie Voice would be a stark contrast to Ryan Gosling With a Tommygun? I don’t know. Third? It actually looks pretty decent. Way better than I thought it would, anyway.

*Now here’s what I really wanted to talk about: wouldn’t Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling together—in real life—be the hotness? Yeah, I know that Ryan’s all strung out on f-cking Eva Mendes and her stupid crapbag sense of fashion and what not, and Emma’s hung up on that true weenie, Andrew “Spiderman Dick” Garfield (which I really, really don’t get, because I’m not into pre-pubescent-looking dudes), but if we could peel Emma and Ryan away from their respective significant others for a few minutes in real life, I bet they could hit it off. I really, really do. And then you’d never hear me make any kind of snide remark whatsoever about the lady in Ryan’s life, because I love Emma Stone and I think that Ryan’s just as worthy of her as she is of him. And then they all lived happily ever after, the end.

Your Daily Gosling (Will Make You Puke Today)

UGH HOW I HATE THIS WOMAN.

No, that’s rude and it’s all sorts of wrong to say that you hate someone, especially when it’s out of pure jealousy. My parents raised me better than that, so I guess all I can say is I HATE THIS WOMAN WHAT A STUPID STUPID WOMAN.

As you can see, Eva Mendes was on the Ellen show, where Ellen gifted her with footie pajamas (which both called “onesies,” but come on! Onesies are baby undergarments, duh!), and then coyly hinted around that if she ever happened to run into Ryan Gosling for the first time ever, that Mendes should give him a corresponding pair of footie pajamas. Eva hid her face in her long, lustrous hair, and giggled and chortled like it was going out of f-cking style (and it was. It really, really was). In the segment, she later teased the audience by saying, “OK, yes, I’ll give them to him if I happen to run into him somewhere tonight for the first time ever.”

GUH.

Your Daily Gosling

photo of ryan gosling pictures photos new york city 2012 recent pic
Can we just imagine what this lucky, lucky lady is thinking, walking alongside Ryan Gosling in New York City? I mean, look at her. It’s like she’s seen the face of God, and to some people, Ryan Gosling and God are one and the same. And who knows! Maybe he is God on Earth, and if that’s the case, people will probably be queuing up around the block to confess their mortal sins and hoping that the penance will be something along the lines of … I’m sorry, I have to stop this right here. See, it’s drifting into sacrilege territory, and I don’t think Ryan Gosling God looks too kindly on those who idolize other golden gods. I’m pretty sure there’s a commandment out there prohibiting such behavior, isn’t there?

Finally? How f-cking awesome do you have to be to garner 396+ news headlines just for taking a stroll with a paper sack in New York City and doing nothing else? Pretty f-cking bomb-ass is all I have to say. Damn.