Or so she says, probably until the money runs out. Is that cynical? I can’t help it! In nay case, Roseanne Barr has fallen out with NBC over some bullshit. Basically, the network hired her earlier this year to create a show with Nurse Jackie showrunner Linda Wallem, but the process has been less than stellar and she’s none too pleased about it. We all know that when a celebrity is throwing a fit, there’s only one place to do it: Twitter (read from the bottom on up).
There’s some missing stuff here that she’s deleted since – stuff about how Wallem apparently went missing for seven weeks and then when she did give Roseanne a script, it was really shitty. The network apparently also wanted to throw out every joke she wrote and censor her ‘brand’. Oh man.
Yes, Roseanne does have mental health issues and she can come off as… really unstable and detached from reality at times. I don’t think her current self is her best self, but let’s not forget what an amazing feminist icon she was with the sitcom back in the day and what a talent she is underneath the rest of it. Clearly this project isn’t going to come to pass, however. So what’s she gonna do now?
my new internet tv sitcom will feature nudity, obscene language, violence politically incorrect analysis & channelling The Immutable Goddess
— Roseanne Barr (@TheRealRoseanne) December 1, 2013
There you have it.
December 3, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer
Roseanne recently posted a self-portrait on Twitter and captioned it ever-so-gracefully, “Fat old Jew,” when in actuality, I think she looks pretty good for turning sixty this year. Yeah, you know, it’s not the most flattering of photos, but then again, unless you’re ninety-five pounds soaking wet, anyone‘s going to look kind of funny from a flat-on-the-chest view. Duh.
Also, did you guys know that Roseanne‘s going to be roasted next month? Yeah, by Comedy Central, and it’s going to happen on August 4th. You’ll be able to catch it on Comedy Central on August 11th, if you dare. Glee‘s Jane Lynch will be hosting, and she had this to say about the event:
“I’ve long fantasized of ripping Roseanne Barr a new one. But because I don’t have the cajones to say anything offensive to her face, I will be hosting the proceedings.”
Kent Alterman, who is Head of Original Programming and Production at Comedy Central had this to say about the upcoming roast:
“Although Roseanne appears to be a demure, soft spoken woman eternally committed to the status quo, we believe under the surface is an explosive, trail-blazing cultural revolution. We are honored to Roast her. Celebrating Roseanne’s unprecedented achievements in comedy and television will surely inspire us to make this roast more reminiscent of the classic roasts, where the intimacy of friends jousting with each other came through.
All joking aside, Roseanne is pretty bad-ass. And before you even consider going ahead and calling me crazy and all sorts of other—sniff, sniff—oh-so-hurtful names for saying so, check out an interview she did with New York Magazine from back in 2011. Guaranteed you’ll be right here agreeing with me.
July 10, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
Yes, Roseanne is still planning on running for president. If you check out her Twitter, you can see that she’s pretty serious about it, or I guess as serious as you can be while using Twitter for your presidential campaign. Another thing you can see if you check out her Twitter is that she really, really wants Willie Nelson to be her vice president, and this weekend, he accepted! But then he got confused and declined.
I’m assuming that Roseanne has mentioned Willie in her campaign before, but he didn’t respond, so she tweeted this:
Mike Tyson, Jello biafra, woody harrelson any of you’s wanna be Vice??? #callme
But a few hours after that, Willie did respond:
I would be happy to run w u After thinking about it awhile it kept sounding better Are u still interested? Love, Willie
Then Roseanne got super excited and said this:
WILLIE I THANK GOD FOR YOU!! May intelligence help us save our country!! BARR/NELSON2012
And then I guess Willie saw Roseanne’s first tweet of ideas for other possible vice presidents, and he backed out:
I see u are speaking to some1 else regarding ur vp running mate I know whoever ur choice is they will be happy to serve w u
Im not ready 2 get n2 politics I have stayed away this long I am content 2 sit on the sidelines & criticize every1 else
Good luck with your campaign. Love, Willie
Then Roseanne got upset and tried to get Willie back for a while, begging him to DM (direct message, for those of you not in the know) her:
wtf??? I told EVERYONE THAT YOU ACCEPTED, DUDE! you can’t back out now! Your country needs you!
can you DM me please?? you are in politics, you were part of a suit against Monsanto for farmers! can you please follow me 4dm
DM ME-follow me please so I can at least tell you what I am thinking–
PLEASE DON’T BACK OUT-I KNOW IT’S HARD TO BE DAVID AGAINST GOLIATH, but your country needs you-farmers need u!
Please let willie know how badly american farmers need his voice! Please Willie Please don’t change ur mind!!
I choose YOU, and want to talk to you-about all of it-dm me-
I am not going to stop until I can talk to you directly thanks
please dm me-follow me first
I am waiting to speak with Willie Nelson -sent him my cell phone number & want to speak with him. I told every1 he accepted&I still want him
But alas, Willie still hasn’t responded. Maybe it’s for the best? Or would you support Roseanne/Nelson in 2012?
May 14, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily
“I am old now: gray, wrinkled, tired, and bloated, and my joints ache, too. But I am ready to come into my full destiny—as my childhood dreams predicted—as a Neo-Amazonian Pirate Queen of my own vessel: firing cannonballs at the worldwide culture of patriarchy in the name of all that does not suck. I no longer fear moving on to a better existence than this one, which is, of course, no existence at all. Oblivion will be f*cking sweet after a lifetime at the mercy of my hormones and my biological clock and the twisted logic that produced the craving for a dominant male sex partner. I’m quite thrilled to say that at this late hour, in my autumn years, I have at last found a man who is more savant than idiot, and with whom the sparse occasions of physical enjoining of souls is quite sublime.”
Is it crazy that I’m bookmarking this on my laptop so I can read it in about thirty years when I actually have to deal with menopause? It is, right? I should print it off and laminate it.
Anyway, I’ve always seen Roseanne as an inspiration, and I thought some of you might find something useful or uplifting in her words here. You can read the full article after the jump, and if you have a vagina and/or a sense of humor, I strongly suggest you do just that.
November 23, 2011 at 6:30 am by Emily
We’re all familiar with the utter magic of Roseanne, right? Likewise, we’re all familiar with the magic of Roseanne, the most fantastic sitcom that ever was, right? Well, get excited, because we’re about to be presented with the most beautiful gift of our time: a brand new comedy, right on our televisions!
The project, titled Downwardly Mobile, would be a star vehicle for Barr. It’s designed to mine similar territory to her hit 1990s sitcom Roseanne: a close-knit blue-collar family living in tough economic times.
In these trying times, these harrowing days when Dr. Gregory House is not that entertaining and Michael Scott thinks it’s ok to leave Dunder Mifflin, something like a glorious new tale from the master of glorious tales, Roseanne, is precisely what we need.
Would you tune into Downwardly Mobile?
August 12, 2011 at 4:30 pm by Emily
I know, I know, I probably blew your mind with such an awesome idea so early in the morning. But stick with me, take a coffee break if you need to, and then soak this glorious news in for all it’s worth.
“You know Jay, I decided that since you’re the one that got Arnold Schwarzenegger elected as governor of California, that I wanted to make my announcement here on your show because I really wanted to ask for your support. My announcement is that I am running for president of the United States.”
She then added, “I’m totally serious…’Cause I want to be a part of the debates, because I want to represent the tax payer. In fact, I’m choosing the tax payers as my vice president.”
It turns out that Sarah Palin was something of an inspiration to Barr. “You know, it’s because of her that I decided to do a reality show,” Barr said. “I have feral pigs that overrun my farm, and I’d like to shoot them out of a helicopter. But, um, that’s kinda what got me thinking that I too should run for president, if she can….I feel like she’s stealing my act, anyway.”
Barr added that she’s trying to steer clear of the Democrat/Republican politics. “I’m not for either party because they both suck and they’re both a bunch of criminals. So I made up my own party. It’s America’s Green Tea Party.”
Sounds a little too good to be true, doesn’t it? Well, it might be, but Roseanne is sticking to her story, judging by a Tweet she made Friday morning:
Don’t tease, Roseanne. I’m too fragile for that.