Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

Ronnie from Jersey Shore Released A Single

Since it’s Friday night, I figured I’d take a moment to share with you a lovely song from Ronnie, the biggest gorilla in the Jersey Shore crew. Some of you might be preparing to do a little partying*, in which case you should definitely listen to the song. It’s charmingly titled “How The F%#k We Gettin’ Home?!” and it teaches the valuable lesson that sometimes you’re not able to drive and sometimes you need to ask someone nicely to take your keys away from you. That’s a good message, isn’t it? Maybe those crazy kids can contribute something to society after all!

*Speaking of partying, tomorrow is my birthday! I don’t expect any emails or anything (I don’t expect them, but they’d be nice [ahem]), but if you want to leave a comment here, that would be super sweet, and also great for my self esteem and general well-being. Meanwhile, I’m going to go watch Hunger Games** for the third time.

**Speaking of Hunger Games, here’s a cute story. The other morning, my boyfriend was still half asleep, or probably mostly asleep, and he mumbled something. I couldn’t understand him, so I asked him what he said. He lifted his head up just a little bit, and he said “I volunteer.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but he just kept repeating “I volunteer.” Finally I was just like “what do you even mean?” He said “I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!” And that is why I love him.

Quotables: Jersey Shore Is Never Going to Stop

A photo of the cast of Jersey Shore

“I’ll do it until I’m in Depends, using a walker and I’m feeding her baby food.”

- Jersey Shore cast member, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, claims that ain’t nothing gonna stop him from being a part of the trashiest show on television, not even an invalid girlfriend and incontinence. Yay, right?

Do you actually think the Jersey Shore kids could last that long? I mean that in many ways: do you think they’ll settle down enough to lose interest in the show, do you think they’ll settle down enough to avoid an overdose, do you think that anyone would want to watch this show for decades and decades and decades*?

*I would.

Did You Watch the Latest ‘Jersey Shore’?

The World Wide Web was all aflutter with Jersey Shore recaps yesterday, but I really didn’t want to link to any of them until I got myself all caught up.

As MTV has teased for months, Ronnie Ortiz-Aggro flies into an inevitable ‘roid rage in this week’s episode, yes.

But until that climactic moment, most of the episode is, in fact, a paragon of mature conflict resolution. Deena‘s kerfuffle with Pauly D and Vinny? Resolved! Sammi and Ronnie’s relationship? Comfortable and happy (until they get wasted)! Should J-Woww butt into Sammi and Ronnie’s newly happy relationship, even though she was privy to Ronnie’s secret phone calls to some strumpet named Hannah? Nope, Snooki advises sagely.

Snooki and Mike‘s friendship is on the skids, too, but instead of letting “the Situation” escalate, Snooki makes a phone call to boyfriend Jionni. And all was well in Snooki-land.

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