20Celebs Raise Money for AIDS Research, But All I Care About Is Their Expensive, Hideous Clothing

And now comes the point in the evening where I take a break from playing Punch Out to look at pictures of celebrities in expensive, but not always beautiful clothing.

Several celebs turned out for the amfAR Cinema Against AIDS Dinner held as part of the Cannes Film Festival. I wish I were the kind of person who opts not to say snarky things about celebrities when they’re actually doing something good and magnanimous, if not exactly altruistic. But let’s be realistic here– if I were that kind of person, I wouldn’t be writing for this blog.

While there were some attractive, well-appointed attendees– Claudia Schiffer looked adorable and Robert Pattinson actually managed to look alluring, not creepy– there were just as many couture trainwrecks.

Diane Kruger fell into one of those giant layer cakes that strippers pop out of and liked the feeling of buttercream between her tits so much that she decided to cover it in fabric and wear it to dinner. Zoe Saldana, who plays Uhura in the new Star Trek movie, couldn’t find a suitable dress, so she cut the tops off of several pairs of extra extra large nude pantyhose, draped them around her shoulders, tied them in a knot, and hoped no one would notice.

Meanwhile, Paris Hilton showed up wearing something that looked like a tinfoil cupcake wrapper mated with the seashell themed accessories decorating your Aunt Dee-Dee’s bathroom. She then proceeded to spread her legs and lean at awkward, 70 degree angles– either because she was posing for photos or because someone was holding a limbo contest just off camera.

In all seriousness, amfAR is a worthy cause, and I’m glad that these celebs took time out of their busy schedules of partying and wearing fancy dresses to party and wear fancy dresses for a cause. I just question the choice of fancy dresses.

May 23, 2009 at 6:54 pm by Kelly

18Hotness!!!

Robert Pattinson like you’ve never seen him before!!! Check out this clip of the actor getting hot and heavy with Javier Beltran in Little Ashes, the upcoming Salvador Dali biopic. Toward the end it gets kind of serious and sad, but the first half is just total hotness. Way sexier than anything from Twilight.

May 5, 2009 at 5:58 pm by Evil Beet

23OMG YOU GUYS IT’S EDWARD AND BELLA!!!!

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson film scenes for New Moon in Vancouver, Canada.

April 12, 2009 at 9:47 pm by Evil Beet

31Vampires Are Allergic to Holy Water, NOT Soap and Water

Pattinson has responded to rumors circulated earlier in the week that crew members on the set of New Moon have been complaining about his body odor.

“I haven’t even been on the set yet.”

“I also do shower,” he added, before joking that he regularly reads his negative press.

“I only look at the negative stuff,” he said.

“I just want to know whoever’s saying negative stuff, and I just want to remember their names. I write it all down in my black book.”

He has a little black book of revenge so he can write down the names of people who have talked trash about him? Well that makes sense. I’ve always said that the best way to deal with negative press is to act like a middle school sociopath.

(Note to Pattinson: It’s spelled K-e-l-l-y.)

March 29, 2009 at 8:27 pm by Kelly

129Robert Pattinson Stinks

No, like, literally.

Sources on the set of New Moon are complaining about how stinky he is!

“He stinks. I mean, it’s awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy,” says a source who Ted Casablancas claims “works in very close quarters” with Rob, which I’m assuming means the man who does his hair or makeup in his trailer.

“He completely reeks,” says another source.

Apparently Robert isn’t a big fan of showering. And is anyone surprised? I mean, does this guy LOOK like he showers? Um, no.

And maybe this explains why Kristen Stewart always has such a sour look on her face while she’s doing publicity for Twilight. It’s not that she’s a stoned, detached bitch like we’d all assumed, it’s just that she’s about to vomit from the stench of Robert Pattinson.

March 24, 2009 at 4:19 pm by Evil Beet

24Quotables

“There’s all these gay sex scenes. And y’know, I haven’t even done a sex scene with a girl, in my whole career.  And here I am, with Javier [Beltrán], who plays Lorca, doing an extremely hard-core sex scene, where I have a nervous breakdown afterward. And because we’re both straight, what we were doing seemed kind of ridiculous.  Trying to do it doggie-style. Trying to have a nervous breakdown while doing it doggie-style. And it wasn’t even a closed set. There were all these Spanish electricians giggling to themselves.”

Robert Pattinson, in April’s GQ, describing his first sex scene ever, filmed with another man.

March 12, 2009 at 10:26 am by Wendie