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Robert Pattinson

26Kristen Stewart Does Elle UK, Still Can’t Stop Sticking Her Jaw Out

photo of kristen stewart doing the cover for elle magazine in a black dress

Girlfriend honestly looks like she has an under-bite when she does it. It looks awful. I mean, I love Kristen Stewart’s look, I think she’s classically beautiful, and if she were a lesbian and I were a lesbian and it was another time and place, I’d totally do her, but she looks way wonky when she juts out that mandible of hers.

Stewart recently interviewed with Elle‘s UK magazine and did the obligatory photo shoot along with it and frankly, if you’ve looked at the photos, there’s absolutely no denying that Kristen Stewart is one grossly gorgeous woman (except when she looks like an uncomfortably sexy bulldog).

And also, it’s clear that the folks at Elle really dig Kristen, too. She was June’s cover feature for Elle US. But they love her fans even more, by giving them a sneak peak at what’s supposed to be a super-uber crazy-Subscribe! Now! Collector’s Edition of the mag. Kristen dishes on Twilight, naturally, and her non-relationship-relationship with co-star Robert Pattinson.

On Twilight:

” … I’m quite nervous about the third one, actually. It’s such a privilege to be able to play a role for so long. Also, it’s such a product now; it didn’t start out as a product.”

On banging Robby Pattie (uh, sort of):

“It’s so weird, that you have to be worries about people seeing things,” KS ‘fesses to the reporter. “You want to be excited about something, normal people can be excited about their lives, and I am, too, but it’s such a different thing. It comes out as entertainment for other people and that makes me want to throw up.”

However, during the course of the interview, the interviewer picks up Stewart’s fallen iPod, and just who happens to be on the wallpaper? Oh, snap. Stewart and Pattinson with their arms around one another. And Stewart’s cat getting in on the embracing. Saccharine.

(Enter millions of Twilight fans screaming.)

Nah, man, that’s cool. I’m glad that they’re kind of, sort of trying to keep their relationship on the down low. I’ve never seen the Twilight movies, believe it or not, and haven’t read the books (just not interested), but I think Kristen’s absolutely hot — and Pattinson? Shit. I thought he was smokin’ way back in his Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire days.

And yeah. Never a Twilight fan, always a Harry Potter fan; don’t judge, haters, just look and the damned pictures and say, “Thank you.”

May 26, 2010 at 7:24 am by Sarah

25Rub One Out To This, Twihards

New Poster for Twilight: Eclipse

As far as I’m concerned, all these Twilight movies are good for is turning out hot boring people for us to look at. Exhibit H: Xavier Samuel. I don’t know who this cat is or where he came from, but one thing is for sure: I’d do him.

Apparently this dude’s character, Riley, doesn’t even play that large of a role in the Twilight books, so it’s odd that they’d release a new poster for Eclipse featuring just him, but hey! If those folks making these movies have figured out one thing, it’s that looks matter more than content. Am I right!?!? Am I right!?!?

So question: Samuel, Lautner or Pattinson? Who would you “do”? (You know what I’m talkin’ about. Wink wink. (I’m talking about sex.))

May 20, 2010 at 2:30 pm by Molls

10Twilight on Oprah? The World Will Never Be The Same

The cast of Twlight is going to be on an upcoming episode of Oprah and a preview of the episode has just been released. What do I think? Well, in four words: God help us all. How do I feel about it? In one word: Nervous.

The screaming, the emotions, the lack of emotions from Kristen Stewart. I can imagine it all perfectly in my head and I can’t even imagine what the world will be like after literally every single television on the face of this earth will be tuned into ABC for that one hour. Think about it, all those teenagers PLUS Oprah’s already massive audience? If Oprah was smart she’d plan subliminal messages in every third second of the show. She could own us all after that one hour. Never has she been so powerful and that’s saying a lot.

May 11, 2010 at 5:53 pm by Molls

12Contrary to Popular Belief, Kristen Stewart Actually Does Give a Fuck!

Can’t you tell just by the ear-to-ear shit-eating grin?

Your girl Kristen Stewart appeared for the first time as the cover model on the June issue of Elle and while girlfriend looks moderately happy about it, she still looks uncomfortable as all holy hell. Stewart dishes on a little bit of everything during her interview with the mag and covers topics like privacy, acting, romance and her signature awkwardness. Natch.

On the madness that has become her life:

“It’s insane! Once somebody finds out, you have to get the hell out of wherever you are. People freak out. And the photographers, they’re vicious. They’re mean. They’re like thugs. I don’t event want to drive around by myself anymore. It’s fucking dangerous.”

On her loss of privacy:

“Somebody knocked on my hotel room door and asked for a light, then said that they were a big fan. I was like, ‘Do you really need me to light your cigarette? How do you know what room I’m in?’ I can’t be by myself and I like being by myself.”

On criticism of her public manner:

“I think it’s funny that when I go onstage to accept an award, they think I’m nervous, uncomfortable, and awkward—and I am—but those are bad words for them.”

On her red-carpet demeanor:

“People say that I’m miserable all the time. It’s not that I’m miserable, it’s just that somebody’s yelling at me…I literally, sometimes, have to keep myself from crying…It’s a physical reaction to the energy that’s thrown at you.”

On Team Edward vs. Team Jacob:

“I would never cheapen my relationships by talking about them. People say, ‘Just say who you’re dating. Then people will stop being so ravenous about it.’ It’s like, No they won’t! They’ll ask for specifics.”

On caring:

“I hate it when they say I don’t give a shit, because nobody cares more than I do. I’m telling you I don’t know anybody who does this that gives a shit more than I do.”

Now what, haters? Stewart finally speaks out about her put-upon sense of awkwardness (duh, it’s real!) and tells people, contrary to popular belief, she actually does give a fuck even though she pulls that “not-giving-a-fuck” thing off so damned well. Now if she’d only viscerally admit to boinking Robert Pattinson, my life might be complete.

May 6, 2010 at 7:22 am by Sarah

32Is Robert Pattinson the Biggest Liar Ever?

Rumors have been swirling around that Robert Pattinson and his girlfriend/Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart are engaged. Not only does Robert say that he and Kristen are so not engaged, he claims that they are “just friends” and that she’s a some kind of really great actress. Entertainmentandshowbiz.com got the scoop from R.Patz:

“This engagement thing is total bullshit, I don’t even know where it comes from. Kristen is my friend. I really like to work with her. She’s more mature than her age, a real professional, I couldn’t wish a better partner, because she makes my every move, every sentence authentic.”

Ahem. And I thought his girlfriend’s PR skills needed some work.

April 23, 2010 at 3:39 pm by Molls

28I Bet They Will Remember to Brood!!!

The 2009 We Don’t Give a Fuck Tour has extended itself into 2010!!! On Monday, Robert Pattinson showed up on the red carpet for the premiere of his film, Remember Me, and posed with co-star Emilie de Ravin. Emilie’s next movie should probably be called Remember to Take Your Skirt Out of Your Underwear After You Pee, because obviously that was a problem for her this time around. FASHION! Honestly, people.

Also there: Kristen Stewart! She’s not in the movie but she gets to go to the premiere because she’s having vaginal intercourse with Robert Pattinson. And you know what? SHE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK. About ANYTHING, much less this boring, self-indulgent movie premiere she has to attend. She is sooooo over all of this, and it’s important you know that, and you can tell because of how bored she looks. Ennui is the new black, and window dressings are the new leggings, y’all.

God, I love her so much.

March 2, 2010 at 9:13 pm by Evil Beet