Rihanna? Why Rihanna? And why would they allow Rihanna to pose in their panties wearing that hair? SHE LOOKS LIKE A PUMPKIN, FFS. I have positively no doubts that Armani could have afforded some kind of natural-looking weave or even a damned wig from the stock room of Spencer’s Gifts (is that frigging place even open anymore?) and it would have looked oodles better than this … catastrophe. I can’t even appreciate the fine body that Rihanna obviously has because I’m too damned busy gawking at the hair that my brother rocked when he was five.

Good Lord, y’all.

Images courtesy of TooFab

Maybe I’m just an old biddy, but when I think of celebrity moms, I do not take even a nanosecond to think of Rihanna. She’s too busy making horrendous fashion choices and having horrendous taste in men to focus on a child, and call me old-fashioned, but when you describe your ideal man as “hot and hung” and state that the thing you feel sexiest wearing is chocolate body paint, maybe you have a few more years of party in you before you need to worry about motherhood.

Here are the details from the National Enquirer (I know):

“Rihanna doesn’t see herself having a biological child anytime soon because she doesn’t have a man in her life – plus, after all the drama with Chris Brown, she’s suspicious of guys.

“But mainly, she says, she needs to make her life less about her and more about someone else.

“She’s getting enthusiastic support from mentor Jay-Z and wife Beyonce– and asked them to be godparents!”

Said the source: “This is about Rihanna getting out from under herself and making a difference in the world – starting with one child!”

Hopefully this is just another Enquirer story with no truth behind it, because Rihanna with a child? That’s just plain unnerving, don’t you think?

Just look at this girl. It seems like every single day, we’ve got new pictures of Rihanna looking like a damn fool. I don’t know what’s gotten into her, but I think somebody needs to volunteer to have a good long sit-down to explain to her exactly what she’s doing wrong. Here, I’ll start:

Me: Rihanna, girl, you know sometimes I can sort of tolerate your music sometimes, but you need to reconsider all your fashion choices from here on out, because I just saw some pictures of you looking a mess in some furry jumpsuit.

Rihanna: RUDE BOY BOY RUDE BOY BOY TAKE IT TAKE IT RUDE BOY BOY.

Me: This is the opposite of what I wanted.

So yeah, any help with talking some sense into Rihanna would be greatly appreciated.

Sporty Spice, or Mel C, or Melanie Chisholm, has gone a long way since her Spice Girls days. She’s had a baby, she’s been working on a solo career, and even though she’s still really bad at fashion, she’s trying. So when she opens up at length about how Rihanna needs to check herself for being too racy and popular, I think we really need to listen:

In an interview with the Daily Mirror newspaper, she said: “People have to take some responsibility because we’ve got to a point where the over-sexualisation of young children has gone too far. I think music is a big part of that. Women in music are extremely sexual and they have young fans. It is inappropriate.

“Rihanna has a responsibility and although culture’s always changing, it’s changed too much. It needs to be dealt with. It’s reached saturation point, we owe it to our kids to protect them.”

The 37-year-old singer – who is about to release her new solo album ‘The Sea’ – added: “I love Rihanna, I think she’s a f*cking brilliant artist, with great songs, a great record and she looks fantastic … but she’s not a mum. Maybe if she becomes one she’ll feel different. I hope so anyway.”

She said: “It’s a long time ago since the Spice Girls were first together and we were criticised for being sexual. Yes we wore crop tops, look how much has changed, but we always sat down as a group and if somebody felt something was inappropriate for our young fans, we did something about it. I think that’s something young people in the music industry today, like Rihanna, should do now.”

On one hand, I can see where Mel C here is coming from – I think that Rihanna has crossed that line between sexy and trashy – but on a much bigger hand, I think the problem lies less with Rihanna and more with parents who might allow their young children to see, say, her “S&M” video, right?

Wow, two ‘Love It or Leave It’ Rihanna posts in two days. Girlfriend’s just batting a thousand lately with her fashion choices, huh?

Anyway – these pants. I just dare you to tell me you truthfully love those pants. I triple-dog dare you to proclaim that these beasts are so versatile that you’d wear them while shopping, clubbing, or even at a wedding.

The only good point to these pants? That I’m totally envious of the fact that she can wear horizontal stripes on the lower half of her body without looking like a mermaid who’s had too many ramen noodles. Despite the horror of it all, she must be really pleased that she can pull it off.

Here’s some photos of Rihanna rocking some really nice hair for once, and looking gorgeous. Say what you want about Rihanna, but you cannot deny that she truly is one beautiful girl. She might have questionable talent, bad taste in men, and in fashion overall, but you can’t take those blazing good looks away from her one bit.

So yeah. The whole “love it or leave it” part. That suit. It … I don’t know. It kind of speaks for itself, I guess. It’s Bob Marley. Bob Marley, whose neck is perfectly aligned with Rihanna’s gitch, wearing a shirt that looks exactly like her va-gigi.  Also making it look like the longest vug you’ve ever seen, right?

So yeah. On the whole, there’s definitely one thing to be said about these photos: Rihanna likes her bizarre one-piece swimsuits fo sho.