Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Rihanna

Within Striking Distance

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As part of his sentencing, Chris Brown was ordered not to come within 50 yards of Rihanna. But both Rihanna and Brown reportedly want to nix that part of the punishment.

“They think it’s unnecessary and ridiculous,” told a common friend of the protection order that was given at this week’s criminal proceeding….“After [the proceeding], Ri and Chris talked on the phone for almost an hour and really worked at becoming friends. They’re solid now.”

But the two are unable to speak in public to one another… The order of protection gives Brown flexibility at music-industry events, instructing that he cannot come within 10 yards of the Umbrella singer.

Let’s not forget that the petulant pugilist (a.k.a. Chris Brown, a.k.a. fart-head) has a song coming out on his new album entitled “Not My Fault” that is supposedly about a female “singer” who gets “caught up” in a relationship with Brown that goes awry and ends up in the papers– “caught up” being the new, hip street slang for “I have a tiny penis and an anger problem and brutally assaulted my girlfriend.”

The album also reportedly features a duet with hypocritical sack of lies Mary J. Blige, who has suffered domestic abuse in the past.

This whole carnival of stupidity drives me up the wall. You’ve got a music industry whose acceptance of Brown borders on condoning domestic violence,  music stars who continue to work with and defend him, and  a victim who won’t stand up for herself.

Great. So, How Do I Take Back The Mischa Barton Post?

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Surely, you remember when I was so convinced that Chris Brown was going to get a plea bargain out of this whole Rihanna assault case?  I was confident enough that I said I’d write a 200-word essay on positive things about Mischa Barton if it didn’t happen.  Well, the deal never materialized and I wrote the gut-wrenching piece.  Now, just today, Chris Brown pled the case out.  So, I was right all along that Brown would never pay any real consequences for bashing his girlfriend in the face.  Brown will be on five years of probation and 180 days in a labor diversion program.

What do I get?  I can’t take back the Mischa piece.  Shouldn’t there be some sort of compensation for all the unnecessary pain and suffering I went through?  Perhaps an Everything Bradley Cooper photo gallery.  Hmmm…I deserve something.

Of Course The Rihanna Sex Tape Is Being Released On Chris Brown’s Court Date

There’s been a rumor floating around for a while — ironically, started shortly after the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna abuse deal — that there is a Rihanna sex tape that would eventually hit the Internet.

A very short trailer is on YouTube with a promise of more footage to be released on June 22nd.  June 22nd happens to be the same day that Rihanna will be appearing in court, prepared to testify against her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown, also known as the guy that I’m sure isn’t involved in any way in the release of this tape.  Oh, the irony. 

The short clip is after the jump.  I have no idea if it’s SFW.  The music is bad, the lighting is green and the purported singer has text over her face.  You be the judge.

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Isn’t Chris Brown So Funny?

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Chris Brown showed up last night at the NBA finals with a Rihanna look-alike, Teyana Taylor.  I don’t know if this is some part of his sick sense of humor, or what.  Some people will say it’s just coincidence even though her glasses really add to Taylor’s similarity to Rihanna.  (Teyna, a disciple of Pharrell, has been Tweeting  about how sick she is of being mistaken for Rihanna, natch.) 

A picture in the gallery of Rihanna with Taylor from last year.

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Teyana,

Awkward!

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Oh, man, this couldn’t have been comfortable.  At Game 4 of the NBA finals in Orlando, both Rihanna and (alleged!) bully abuser Chris Brown (the pic I have posted of him is actually from Tuesday’s Game 3, but he was in Orlando at the game last night as well) attended and were seated at opposite ends of the same row.  You just know she was thinking, “Thank God I did my hair,” because I don’t care what anyone says; when you bump into your ex, you have to be looking your best.

Think they’ll meet up again before their official meet up on June 22nd in a court of law?

The Real Kanye West And Rihanna Video

Last week Kanye West’s new video for his song Paranoia was posted on his blog, but apparently it wasn’t quite ready for human consumption.  This probably explains why Beet and everyone else didn’t understand what the video was all about when it was originally broadcast last week.

West wrote, “It hurts me to see the old and very wrong version of the ‘Paranoid’ video get leaked all over the net while I was on an 11-hour flight and couldn’t do anything about it. It’s just frustrating when this stuff happens because I really care about the product and, since videos never get played anyway, you might as well tweak them and make them as special as possible.”  Now, I’m not sure how a video can be “leaked all over the net” when it was embedded on his own blog, and I can’t help but think that Kanye West needs an assistant to handle his website maintenance, but really I was just relieved that he temporarily STOPPED WRITING EVERYTHING IN CAPS.

Anyway, now it has been released for real.  Rihanna doesn’t sing but gets lots of camera time.