Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Is This Matt Kemp Parody a Bit Mean?

This FunnyOrDie video parodying ads and Rihanna’s new beau is a little on the mean side for my tastes, but I bet some of you will see the humor in it. The actor who plays Matt cracks jokes about how he’s looking for a girl with “emotional baggage” (because she got beaten by her last boyfriend and doesn’t talk to her father, I guess) and that wants to share an umbrella. He also says he wants a woman with a has a whiney voice and pauses in front of the camera at the end to say over and over again that he does not hit chicks.

I suppose it’s a good thing that the person they are parodying is actually Rihanna’s new squeeze and this isn’t just some “audition tape to date Rihanna” or else I would think the whole idea is completely awful. I think that there would be a way to do a “Matt Kemp’s video” sketch without including half of the rude/outdated references they did, but hey! Maybe I’m just sensitive.

Rihanna Heats Up With an LA Dodger

Photo via E! News

It looks like Rihanna is going to be starting 2010 with a total fresh start. Her new album “Rated R” is fantastic and she seems to have completely moved on from Chris Brown like never before. In fact, Rihanna might have a new boyfriend in LA Dodgers outfielder, Matt Kemp. The two have been together in Mexico for a few days now and the paps have already caught them making out and grabbing at each other like a couple of horny teens.

This guy might just be good enough for Rihanna, too. His nickname on the field is “The Bison” because of those huge arms and his quick speed. It will be pretty great if these two stick together. After a fairly disastrous 2009 with a horrid excuse for a man, Rihanna deserves to find the kind of guy that this Matt Kemp character seems to be.

Rihanna Dresses Like a Furry in NYC

Rihanna Bundles Up in Fur

Rihanna performed in New York City at Rockefeller Center last night, and while her set started out with a cute little stage outfit, homegirl had to get practical and throw on this (hopefully faux) fur jacket to survive. These photos serve as a reminder to me and anyone else who’s about to travel from the west to the east for the holidays that it’s freakin’ freezing over there and proper outerwear is a must. Now how cute is that Rihanna?

Rihanna Wants To Go Lez With Megan Fox


“I’d love to be an assassin. Either that or a lesbian. Maybe both! Hey, a gay assassin, there’s nothing hotter than that.” Ri joked. “Megan Fox would play my girlfriend – hands down. She’s yummy. She’s hot.”

– Rihanna on what kind of roles she’d like to play in the future.

Rihanna just called Megan Fox “yummy”. Haha.

Tila Tequila is a Horrible Person AND Rihanna Has Herpes

Tila Tequila Tells The World That Rihanna Has Herpes

Bonafide ganked bitch and terrible person Tila Tequila was running her fame-hungry mouth about Rihanna on her blog last night. I guess Rihanna went on some radio show to plug her new album and wound up having to further explain her Chris Brown/assault experience, which lead to the DJs asking about Tila’s attacks on Chris which lead to Rihanna dissing Tila as politely as possible in an attempt to just get that topic over with. We’re all caught up, right?

Tila caught wind of Rihanna’s comments via her Google Alerts and then decided that the only revenge for Rihanna not being supportive of her as a woman (fuck you, Tila Tequila), would be to discuss the star’s private medical issues that she heard about second hand from a person in the singer’s camp. The “outing” went as follows:

My sources are very legit, and they work in Rihanna’s legal camp, and that is how I know! SO RIHANNA HAS HERPES, STD’S & WAS SCARED TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT IT CUZ SHE DIDN’T WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT SHE HAS HERPES AND INFECTED SOMEONE ELSE WITH IT! BAD RIHANNA! So while you cascade around town, acting like yo shit don’t stink, and leading the media and your fans into thinking that you are a strong woman, and idol, well….it’s a shame you had to trick them into thinking you are, because truth is, you’re ruining other people’s lives, infecting people with your STD’s, and walking around getting praised and loving the sympathy, when really, in real life you are just a major bitch who could give 2 shits about your fans and all the people who have been supporting you! Including myself! You dont even acknowledge your fans, you know, the people who got you famous??? Yes….those people. THE FANS! The ones that I, myself, acknowledge 247 all the time because if it weren’t for my fans, I would not be here today! I love my fans, I don’t lie to my fans to make them like me more, and everyone knows it. I have my flaws, but I put it out there, and I let my fans decide on whether they agree with the things I do or not. Im real, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about me. All I do is mind my own business, and play with my fans. But since you’re still cascading around town like you’re a prefect little princess, angel…..honey I hate to burst your bubbles…..but yes….yo shit really do stink, and even worse…..yo shit has STD’s, known as HERPES, down in your private area. So…..that’s about it. Sorry I had to tell the world your DIRTY SECRET, but you left me no choice girlfriend. I knew about your secret for A VERY LONG TIME, but I never told anyone because that was not my business……but since you wanna play dirty with me……oh….you best believe I will give it to you good girlfriend! POW! Rihanna has STD’s and Herpes everyone! & that is the truth from my legit source that has told me. YIKES! So boys, be careful when u wanna tap that ass, cuz that ass will give your dick Herpes if you dont put 3 condoms over it!




Ms. Tila-You-Don’t-Fuck-With-Me-Tequila

PS-yes, I understand you have a MASSIVELY powerful team behind you such as JAY-Z and all those guys so you feel safe & keep cascading around town knowing that everything wrong you do, will be covered up. I give u props for having such a great PR FIRM. U see? This sucks that I had to call you out cuz now Jay-Z, Kanye, Beyonce or whoever else is on your team is gonna hate me, and that sucks cuz I LOVEEEEE Jay-Z and Beyonce! They are my heros! But I am willing to sacrifice them hating me now because of what you did. I need to be honest and stay true to who I am, and stay real with my fans. I wish you the best in your next album release. I know I will be buying it.

Well, not only is Tila probably the worst woman I can think of to run around telling other women that they are being bad women, but to tell the world she has herpes?

Disclosing anyone’s private medical information should be a crime. Wether it’s physical, mental, emotional, genital or otherwise. If Rihanna wants to go Shirley Manson on us and tell us all about her herpes, then that’s her choice and I would support her. Secondly, I do not have herpes, but I know that 60% of the adult population does . I’ve actually heard higher percentages, closer to 70 or 80, but we’ll go with 60 for argument’s sake. Not to downplay the severity of STDs and our need to prevent them, but putting someone on blast for having a condition that will eventually become the societal norm? That’s gross. That’s like making fun of babies for getting chicken pox.

And BTW, Tila? When do we get to see the results of your pap smear?

Rihanna and Her Father Haven’t Spoken For a Year Because He “Disrespected Some People On The Bus”

Rihanna Reveals Rift With Her Father On Ryan Seacrest

Rihanna recently revealed the year-long dad drama she’s been experiencing after denying reports that she has been ignoring his requests to reconnect. Turns out we’ve got yet another Michael Lohan on our hands, a dad that’s willing to sell out his own daughter for a little bit of money he probably could have gotten from her if he’d just asked.

While the story is generally sad (her father took the opportunity to talk to the papers after Chris Brown assaulted her), I do think it’s funny, the way it’s quoted anyway, that the straw that broke the camels back seems so trivial in comparison. From The Daily Mail: “He disrespected some people on the bus and I didn’t like that, so I kind of just let him go back home. I didn’t think it was going to be a thing where we weren’t talking to each other. I just thought: ‘You just need some time away right now’.”

What the hell happened on the bus? I’ll never be able to stop thinking about it. Did he whip it out on one of her back up dancers in the bunks? Did he eat her stylist’s EasyMac? Scratch the Scarface DVD? What happened on the bus!?

Rihanna Can’t Forget Chris Brown


Like every girl in history who has ever been through a break up, you know that every where you go you are reminded of that person. You hear something funny on TV that you both would have laughed at, “your song” comes on the radio, you run in to a mutual acquaintance. Just because someone is out of your life doesn’t mean you’re going to forget them any time soon, and that’s what Rihanna says she’s dealing with right now.

Even though she and Chris Brown have been done for awhile, the singer says there are constant reminders in their relationship. “There are a lot of … places that we’ve been to together, music, different things that come up that are reminders of your ex. When [his music] comes on the radio, I don’t … turn it off. I like his music. I’ve gotten over it, but there are definitely constant reminders … songs that were our favorite songs, or hit songs.”

Sounds familiar, right? Also, let us not forget that Rihanna and Chris remixed her biggest hit to date “Umbrella” together, so every time she performs that song, the memory must come creeping back to her as well.

Ahhh, break ups are sad, especially under these circumstances. I have no snark for you on this one today.