Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Rihanna Wants a Baby Now, Naturally, is Also Marrying Chris Brown Soon

photo of chris brown pictures rihanna photo
Just when you thought that business couldn’t get any more ridiculous between Chris Brown and Rihanna, it does. Because Rihanna supposedly wants this baby with Chris, because duh, a baby makes domestic violence in relationships totally go away. From Entertainmentwise:

“She [Rihanna] asked her record company when the best time would be for her to take off, as she wants a baby,” an insider revealed to Closer. “They just stared at her. Everyone was pretty open-mouthed. But she hasn’t got any time free in her diary until 2014.”

With the singer’s record of releasing a new album every year not to mention her touring, it could be a while before she has time to even think about settling down.

Meanwhile whilst babies could be a long way off, there are further rumours Rihanna could be walking down the aisle at the end of the year. The star has allegedly told friends to keep New Year’s Eve free, with pals convinced the couple are planning a surprise wedding.

Not everyone’s happy with the reunion though as the source goes onto say that Rihanna’s mum Monica Braithwaite is allegedly doing everything she can to stop the pair getting anymore serious: “She called Rihanna to yell at her, asking what she’s doing with her life,” a source explained.

“They’ve been blowing up over the Chris issue for weeks now. Her mom has told her not to waste any time on Chris and said, ‘Is this the type of man you want as your baby’s dad? He’s acting just like your dad used to.’”

Not that her mum’s opinion seems to matter to RiRi: “This has made Rihanna even more determined to marry him,” the source insists.

A rep for Rihanna has been contacted for comment.

So I know that I said earlier how Gwyneth Paltrow is married to Chris Brown, but I was dead wrong, guys, and I’m sorry for any kind of confusion that caused. But Gwyneth Paltrow being married to Chris Brown is way, way less bizarre a notion than Chris Brown impregnating Rihanna, and then knocking her up with a tiny, angry Chris Brown fetus. I don’t know. I don’t know what else. This story just stops here, because unless Chris Brown beats the snot out of Rihanna once again, there’s really no reason to continue talking about these two morons, am I right?

Don’t Worry, Chris Brown And Rihanna Are Still Putting Pictures of Themselves Online

A photo of Chris Brown and Rihanna

And no, I’m not sure what’s going on in this picture. My best guess would be that Chris Brown is getting high while Rihanna models a backwards camouflage Snuggie. Do you have any ideas?

But the best part about this picture, and really the reason that I’m showing you this picture, is the caption that goes along with it. Chris posted this on his Instagram page with the caption “What would music today sound like if these kids didn’t exist?” No, really, that’s what he said. Just let that sink in for a moment.

What would music today sound like if these kids didn’t exist? I know I’m an optimist, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that things would be pretty much the same. Sure, Chris Brown and Rihanna are both groundbreaking, super influential artists, and they’ve each got a sound that simply cannot be matched, but I think that somehow the evolution of music would still continue on the same course. Call me crazy, but I’m into wishful thinking!

Real talk: these guys are just too dumb.

Let Me Guess—Rihanna Was Going for ‘Demure’ in This Dress, I’ll Bet

photo of rihanna nude perfume launch pictures macy's pic
This is what Rihanna wore to her perfume launch for “Nude,” which was held at Macy’s over the last few days. If you guys didn’t already know, and the previous statement didn’t give it away all that much, Rihanna “created” a new perfume called “Nude,” and it launched. Whee.

About the scent, which includes hints of pear, Gardenia petals, jasmine Sambac and “numerous other feminine hues,” Rihanna had this to say:

“My third fragrance, Nude, is subtle but it is also substantial – it is a fragrance you will want to wear with nothing else. I cannot get enough of this.”

Well har de har de hur duh bur. “It is a fragrance you will want to wear with nothing else” and “I cannot get enough of this”, clearly meaning she walks around naked all the time in this perfume and hangs all over Chris Brown, just like she hangs all over Chris Brown when she’s clothed.

Any questions? No? Then yes. Let’s assume that Rihanna was definitely going for ‘demure’ in the above dress—’demure’ and ‘classy’ and ‘timeless’, but the only thing she succeeded in (despite the fact that she looks pretty) is convincing us that she’s neither ‘demure’ nor ‘classy’ nor ‘timeless’. Unless you mean the complete opposite of all those three things and then yes, girl’s got this shit on lockdown.

Nobody Likes Rihanna Anymore

A photo of Rihanna

This story could be about a lot of things, but it’s not. It’s not about her fans, because her new album is number one on the charts right now. It’s not about dudes, because Chris Brown is obviously on that (more on that in a bit). It’s not her family, because they’re just psyched that she’s back with Chris. No, it’s more about everyone who works with her. Everyone who works with Rihanna doesn’t like her anymore.

Here’s what’s been happening:

“She’s always been unpredictable, but it’s worse than ever,” says the source, adding that “more than one” person who works in her camp is looking for a job away from the Barbadian beauty.

The insider cites Rihanna’s inability “to keep meetings, even ones she’s rescheduled, [and] be on time … to anything.”

“She’ll commit to something, and show up two hours late,” says one agitated staffer.

A second source says “the Chris Brown situation” has aggravated Rihanna’s behavior. “She puts her family and [Brown] above everything else,” and “it really can affect relationships and commitments, and make her and everyone else look bad. People are fed up.”

Rihanna lived up to her recent rep on the last leg of her “777” tour in her concert at Webster Hall last Tuesday, by going on stage approximately an hour and a half after schedule. At her record release party for “Unapologetic” at the 40/40 Club that same evening, the show was set to begin around 11 p.m., but RiRi arrived close to 2 a.m.

“She committed to do the carpet, but went straight to a private room with her family to eat,” says a source, adding that Rihanna missed her mentor Jay-Z, who is a partner in the nightclub. Hova had a drink with music execs, and left 45 minutes before the tardy temptress arrived. Jay left his perch in the VIP section prior to the end of the concert to make sure he’d be able to greet Rihanna (who is managed by his company Roc Nation) after the show, however.

So yeah, things don’t seem to be looking too great for her professionally. I’m not saying that she’ll get dropped or anything – remember that thing about her number one album? – it’s just not an awesome development.

And speaking of developments that are not awesome, here’s a photo that Rihanna put on Instagram last night:

A photo of Chris Brown and Rihanna

She addressed that one to Chris Brown, with the message “i dont wanna leave!!! Killed it tonight baby!!!” Feel free to roll your eyes and sigh as needed.

So Here’s This Picture That Rihanna Tweeted Last Night

A photo of Chris Brown

Yeah, that’s it. Rihanna took this photo of Chris Brown with his stupid underwear hanging out, then she posted it on Twitter with the tag #BartObsessed.

So that’s it, I guess. It’s officially on. And Chris Brown is obsessed with Bart Simpson, which just makes me feel this weird kind of loathing for him that I haven’t quite felt before. Like, yeah, he’s an abusive asshole who is constantly doing or saying something stupid, but now he’s all that and also a guy who travels around with a blanket like that. Does that make anyone else kind of inexplicably alarmed? Anyone?

Rihanna Had A Very Happy Thanksgiving with Chris Brown

A photo of Rihanna and Chris Brown

From Us Weekly:

Rihanna is giving thanks to Chris Brown.

Despite traveling to seven countries in seven days for her over-the-top 777 tour– which wrapped in NYC on Tuesday Nov. 20 — the Barbados-born pop star wasn’t content to stay in one place for the American holiday.

“All alone in my big ole jet!!! See u soon lover,” the “Diamonds” singer, 24,tweeted Wednesday beneath a shot in which she sits alone on a private plane. Her destination: Berlin, Germany, where on-and-off beau Brown, 23, had a Thursday concert for his Carpe Diem tour.

Indeed, as Thanksgiving arrived in the U.S., Rihanna tweeted, “#Berlin #CarpeDiem.” When Us Weekly’s Ian Drew, who was among the journalists traveling with Rihanna via chartered 777 jet on the tour, asked Rihanna about her holiday plans, she replied with a smile that she was planning a “quiet” meal with “friends.”

She and Brown were photographed at Berlin’s Adagio nightclub following his show.

Gross, but, obviously predictable. I know we’ve heard countless stories about them getting back together, but it’s still kind of weird when they’re this open about it. Also weird: the thought that someone could be thankful for a jackass like Chris Brown.