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Rihanna

5Rihanna’s New Video Is Totally About Chris Brown

I know, I know. Another story about the mysterious, stupid romance of Rihanna and Chris Brown. But at least this one has horses and diamonds. That’s something, right?

Ok, look. The horses represent both Rihanna and Chris, see? And the diamonds she smokes, they represent their relationship, which is both beautiful and hard. And they got high a lot. Oh, and that mysterious tattooed arm in the video? That could actually be Chris Brown’s arm. No, his literal arm. Scandalous.

But in any case, the video has pretty water – doesn’t swimming in warm water sound just so perfect right now? – and lots of slow motion horse shots, so there’s something for everyone, now isn’t there?

November 9, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Rihanna

4We Get It, Rihanna—You Want Everyone to See Your Gitch

photo of rihanna pictures photos victoria's secret modeling pic
And see your gitch they will, especially if you have your own way.

No, but really, this is Rihanna on the set of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, where she performed and made sure to grab onto as many of the Angels as she possibly could. You know, kind of like this photo:

photo of rihanna victoria's secret pictures
You can check out the rest in the gallery, which feature Rihanna’s undeniably hot body doing all sorts of things on the VS show runway, but before you do that, I just want to leave you with this picture right here, because guys, it’s a f-cking doozy:

November 8, 2012 at 5:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Rihanna

3Rihanna’s Dad Wants Rihanna to Marry Chris Brown

photo of rihanna and chris brown pictures
No, really. I know this is probably pretty surprising, considering the fact that Rihanna’s dad came out last week saying that he loves Chris Brown, but honestly, guys, he wants his daughter to marry the dude that beat the piss out of her that one time three years ago. And this is what he said:

“The family loved Chris Brown before they even met him. I always thought he was extremely talented. He always gave me great respect. Whatever makes her happy. I hope one day she will get married. Everyone adores Chris; he’s a super guy.”

I could seriously, seriously vomit. Is this, like, the Barbadian version of Michael Lohan, or what? This botard, publicly fellating Chris Brown and his TALENT and all of his SUPER-NESS and everything else … it positively reeks of a publicity dick-move. It’s like this guy wants nothing more than Rihanna to marry into (more) fame, and it doesn’t even matter what has to happen in order for this to … well, to happen. And that’s sad, guys. Pathetic.

October 19, 2012 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Rihanna

13Quotables: Rihanna Thinks We Need Closure

A photo of Rihanna

“To the world, I feel like there’s no closure. There’s some obsession that’s continued even throughout when we weren’t friends or couldn’t be friends at all. Hated each other. The world hasn’t let go. They haven’t seen any progress in our friendship, because they don’t see anything, really. So now it’s a bit of a fascination, I guess. I don’t know if people will stop soon, but I feel like as soon as they have closure to it, they will. But they’re not on the inside. They can’t see what I see, unless they’re sitting in my point of view. I guess I’ll learn to accept that.”

- Rihanna is, of course, talking about her relationship with Chris Brown.

In the same interview, she also said that she hasn’t been on a date in “like two years” because “no one asks.” Which she says sucks because “I have too many vaginas around me at this point.” LOL @ Rihanna.

But really, I don’t get this. I mean, I know it’s the whole psychology of the domestic abuse victim, so on and so forth, but it’s really, really hard for me to understand. We don’t need closure. We just want her to understand what a bad plan a relationship with Chris Brown is. We just want her to realize that you probably shouldn’t hang out with a dude who viciously assaulted you. And it’s like she doesn’t even get that at all, you know? I have no basis for this, but I assumed that many abuse victims realized on some level that their partner’s behavior is wrong, but with Rihanna is just seems like she doesn’t even know what everyone’s problem is.

So that’s what I would like to have closure with, Rihanna’s ignorance. With the whole Chris Brown aspect, I would just prefer for that not to happen at all, thanks.

And hey, how about that Vogue cover? And how about these photos from Vogue that I’m about to show you? Are you still having feelings about her new haircut?

October 16, 2012 at 11:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Rihanna

27Now Rihanna Is Getting Breast Implants for Chris Brown

A photo of Rihanna

Man, being Chris Brown‘s girlfriend seems like way, way too much work. I mean, there’s the obvious drawback, but then there’s the cheating, the lying, the mental abuse, and the general douchebaggery. Is his penis worth it? No, really, we’ve all seen it by now: is it worth it?

Apparently he’s got something going for him* though, because we can go ahead and add surgery and body image issues to the list of things that come along with being Chris Brown’s girl. We can do that because there are new reports that poor Rihanna, who has a killer body, is considering getting breast implants because Chris thought it would be a good idea.

From the Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Rihanna wants to boost her bust – because, according to a source, Chris Brown said she’d be “totally hot” with bigger boob! Rihanna is not out shopping for a plastic surgeon who will pump her up “at least one bra size,” a friend of Rihanna’s tells the Enquirer.

“It’s horrifying seeing how much control Chris still has over her,” said the friend. “It’s like she’s hypnotized.”

Friends are concerned that Rihanna’s fixation with Chris has now spiraled out of control. Although she has publicly joked in the past about having “no boobs,” she never seriously considered going under knife – until now.

“Rihanna’s always been insecure about her cleavage,” revealed the friend, “but Chris’s comment has spurred her on to really do something about it. Rihanna can’t help herself. What she really wants is something she can’t have – a committed relationship with Chris.”

A “friend” of Rihanna’s also said that if she and Chris eloped, “no one close to them would be a bit shocked.”  Oh, and also “she would have never left him if the media scrutiny didn’t get so bad.”

Great ideas!  Great ideas all around!  Let’s just close up shop here, friends, because there are no better ideas to be had in all the world. Somebody better travel to some far off land to check and see if they have any better ideas, because we’ve obviously topped ourselves on this planet.

*Manipulation. It’s manipulation.

October 13, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Rihanna

6Chris Brown Will “Try to Be Faithful” to Rihanna

A photo of Chris Brown and Rihanna

What a charmer, huh? Chris Brown will try to be faithful to you, and he probably won’t even beat you too much maybe! No promises though. You can’t tie down a man like Chris Brown.

From Hollywood Life:

Chris Brown is telling friends that he will “TRY to be faithful” to Rihanna, his now on-again girlfriend, since the R&B star split with girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, on October 4.

“He will try to be faithful to Ri, as faithful as he can to her,” a source exclusively reveals to HollywoodLife.com “He ain’t trying to hurt her feelings. He ain’t trying to get her all twisted up.”

Earlier this month, Chris and Rihanna had a week long NYC rendezvous while Karrueche was in also in town.  And, while the rapper technically cheated on Karrueche, his friends say that won’t be the case with the Rihanna.

“He will do his best. I mean, he’s a man at heart and it’s hard for him to turn down women when they come to him so freely,” our source reveals.  “But he did drop KT for Ri and told Ri he loves her so what that tell you? He know she right for him.”

As HollywoodLife.com previously reported, now that Chris has officially broken up with Karrueche, he has more than enough time to talk to Rihanna, and he’s making her his number one priority.

“Ri and Chris talk every day,” a source exclusively reveals to HollywoodLife.com “She be missing him like crazy [but] now that they back together she want to see him all the time. Guess those years away made her miss him real tough.”

F-ck Chris Brown and f-ck this guy, too. If Chris really was “a man at heart,” he would never have done half the shit he’s done. Chris Brown’s buddy is implying that Chris is a mature, respectable adult, and I think we all know how absurd that idea is. He’ll “try to be faithful,” f-ck you.

Sorry for all the cusses, friends, but this whole thing is just so off-putting to me. And probably to everyone. Everyone except Rihanna.

October 12, 2012 at 9:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Rihanna