Rihanna has always insisted that she’s got no interest in being a role model, and good for her – why should she? She loves drinking, partying, smoking copious amounts of weed… and snorting coke? It would seem so, though Rihanna denies it. You see, a video popped up online on Tuesday showing RiRi chillin’ with her friends Melissa Forde and someone else whose name I don’t know. Ri is in the background rolling a blunt and seemingly doing lines.
Jimmy Kimmel has pulled plenty of pranks in his day, but how often has HE been pranked? Not that often. Rihanna decided to take care of that and showed up at his house at 1am to jump on his bed, throw money and sing her new singleat the top of her lungs. (And yes, I’m aware this hit the ‘net yesterday, but it’s good enough to post today.)
I wouldn’t necessarily call this a “prank” – to me, a prank entails sorta pulling one over on someone, rather than just turning up and surprising them. Either way, Jimmy’s reaction – or perhaps non-reaction is a better word – is amazing. Imagine being awakened from a dead sleep in the middle of the night by Rihanna? He looks so confused. I love it.
Rihanna has been teasing us with the prospect of new music for a while now, and while our ears have been tortured by that terrible ‘FourFive Seconds’ shit, I think we’re all more than ready for a true Rihanna banger to get the warmer season started, right? RIGHT.
So, here we have the second single from the upcoming R8 album. It’s called ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’ and features some very touching lyrics, such as:
Bitch better have my money!
Y’all should know me well enough
Bitch better have my money!
Please don’t call me on my bluff
Pay me what you owe me
Ballin’ bigger than LeBron
Bitch, give me your money
Who y’all think y’all frontin’ on?
Like brrap, brrap, brrap
This is perfect since, you know, RiRi has been talking lately about how she wants the new album to really focus on the meaningful:
Y’all know Rihanna is my queen – I love her music (don’t even tell me you won’t still be singing ‘Umbrella’ when you’re in the nursing home), I love her personality, etc. I don’t really love those hand tattoos, but no one’s perfect. What I’m really loving most lately is her new-found (and late-blooming) wisdom. Apparently taking a bit of time out of the spotlight has given her time to reflect on life, and she’s finally realized that she needs to treat herself better and not accepting other people not doing the same. Cough cough CHRIS BROWN cough cough.
“The more we respect ourselves the more men will respect us,” she says. “I have both sides to me and I think most women do. We are strong but they are very vulnerable as well.
“For me, I get very fierce and passionate about my career and about my family. But there are also things that make me become a little girl. Like, I love balloons, that definitely really brings out the little girl in me.”
Girllllll, we been tryin’ to tell you this shit since 2009! Better late than never. If it seems rather random that she’d be talking about this, it’s not, really – it was for an interview ahead of the release of the new animated feature Home, for which RiRi voices the lead character, Tip, and does the theme song. Anyway, so glad she’s realized that she needs to love herself more.
She’s even thinking about the future!
Although there are no plans to settle down anytime soon, she has said she’d like to be ‘a wife’ one day. Who would make for the perfect husband? She considers, “Someone who could tolerate my schedule; someone man enough to do that and not get scared because I don’t have a lot of time to offer.”
When she does have spare time, she prefers to keep it low key. “At home I’m pretty boring. I just lay on the couch and watch TV,” she says, although with whom the Barbadian singer is sharing the couch with remains unconfirmed.
I feel like me and Rihanna might be soulmates. Laying on the couch watching TV sounds like the only way I’d want to spend a marriage.
You’ve got to hand it to Rihanna. Despite not having done much of anything besides party and take some gorgeous photos for the past few years, she’s managed to maintain her status as one of the biggest celebrities in the world – that’s some staying power. And that status is about to be immortalized on film since RiRi is about to become the subject of her own feature-length documentary by Peter Berg.
A contemporary take on the 1967 Bob Dylan rock doc Dont Look Back, the film is described as an “unfiltered look into Rihanna’s life and how she’s ascended to become a global icon.” Berg, who gave Rihanna her acting start with a role in his movie Battleship, said that he liked the idea of examining “a young artist at the top of her professional field” and that the project will be “much more a character study than a music film.”
Huh. I love me some Rihanna, so I’ll watch this. I’m not sure how I feel about it being a “character study” considering most of what RiRi seems to do is shop and get high, but shit, good for her, I guess.
Chris Brown is such a walking bag of dicks that I long ago lost words to describe him any more coherently or intelligently. He just fucking sucks. Funny enough, though, HE doesn’t think he sucks. In fact, he thinks he’s pretty amazing and that any woman should be so lucky to have him. Especially Rihanna! Yep, that’s right. Chris actually claimed during an interview with The Breakfast Club that Rihanna will never do better than him.
Here’s what he said when asked about Kanye West‘s line of “If you leave Mickey, you gon’ end up with Goofy/I imagine that’s what Chris told Karrueche” line in some Big Sean track that I don’t know or care about (not because I don’t love hip hop but because Big Sean is corny as hell).
“I feel what he meant by it, and I’m not just saying it as an arrogant statement. In any situation, when you look at yourself in a certain light – cocky or not – there’s nowhere else to go. Even with [Rihanna], who else you gonna go to? [...] Who else in this game she gonna go to? Some corny singing rapper? What she do now, I got respect for her and all that, whatever her choice is. But at the time, not to toot my own own, but who hotter than me?”
The curry I ate for dinner is hotter than you, Chris Brown. Literally everything on this planet is hotter than you.
But I mean, come on, maybe Chris is right. How good did Rihanna have it with him? He only beat the shit out of her and refused to apologize or show any remorse about it and instead raged by breaking windows and ripping his shirt off like The Hulk whenever anyone dared to point his violent behavior out to him. I’m sure he was an AWESOME boyfriend!
Also, not to point out the obvious here, but maybe it’s Chris that’s ended up with a Goofy, considering he ended up with a woman who… kinda looks exactly like Rihanna (or is doing her best impersonation). Get out of my face.
“Whatever decision my man wanna make, I’ma rock with him. I ain’t gonna fight none of his battles, but it’s just like whatever decision you make. We see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, so I feel like I’ll just tell him ‘Aye man, if you was dating some regular weak chick, you wouldn’t be talked about, nobody would care.”
If you want to torture yourself, you can watch/listen to the whole thing here. You can also skip to about the 27 minute mark, where Chris – classy, classy Chris – talks about wanting to get both Rihanna and Karreuche pregnant at the same time.
Rihanna is slowly but surely getting back in the spotlight, and it’s about time. The first part of her campaign seems to be just being seen in public again – she’s been a fixture at pretty much every show this past week at New York Fashion Week. She’s also been appearing on numerous magazine covers, and the latest one, for a publication called AnOther, serves some serious Rihnipple.
The photos are behind the cut, obviously, as they’re NSFW – but enjoy!