Chris Brown is such a walking bag of dicks that I long ago lost words to describe him any more coherently or intelligently. He just fucking sucks. Funny enough, though, HE doesn’t think he sucks. In fact, he thinks he’s pretty amazing and that any woman should be so lucky to have him. Especially Rihanna! Yep, that’s right. Chris actually claimed during an interview with The Breakfast Club that Rihanna will never do better than him.
Here’s what he said when asked about Kanye West‘s line of “If you leave Mickey, you gon’ end up with Goofy/I imagine that’s what Chris told Karrueche” line in some Big Sean track that I don’t know or care about (not because I don’t love hip hop but because Big Sean is corny as hell).
“I feel what he meant by it, and I’m not just saying it as an arrogant statement. In any situation, when you look at yourself in a certain light – cocky or not – there’s nowhere else to go. Even with [Rihanna], who else you gonna go to? [...] Who else in this game she gonna go to? Some corny singing rapper? What she do now, I got respect for her and all that, whatever her choice is. But at the time, not to toot my own own, but who hotter than me?”
The curry I ate for dinner is hotter than you, Chris Brown. Literally everything on this planet is hotter than you.
But I mean, come on, maybe Chris is right. How good did Rihanna have it with him? He only beat the shit out of her and refused to apologize or show any remorse about it and instead raged by breaking windows and ripping his shirt off like The Hulk whenever anyone dared to point his violent behavior out to him. I’m sure he was an AWESOME boyfriend!
Also, not to point out the obvious here, but maybe it’s Chris that’s ended up with a Goofy, considering he ended up with a woman who… kinda looks exactly like Rihanna (or is doing her best impersonation). Get out of my face.
Oh, and one more thing – Chris also has thoughts on the whole Tyga/Kylie Jenner situation:
“Whatever decision my man wanna make, I’ma rock with him. I ain’t gonna fight none of his battles, but it’s just like whatever decision you make. We see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, so I feel like I’ll just tell him ‘Aye man, if you was dating some regular weak chick, you wouldn’t be talked about, nobody would care.”
If you want to torture yourself, you can watch/listen to the whole thing here. You can also skip to about the 27 minute mark, where Chris – classy, classy Chris – talks about wanting to get both Rihanna and Karreuche pregnant at the same time.