Right? Girlfriend looks kind of classy here, if it weren’t for the accompanying photos that depicted her with her ass cheeks hanging out of cutoff denim shorts. And it’s loads, loads better than the weird dried-up red color that she’s had recently, that reminds me of … well, no, never mind. You don’t want to know what it reminds me of, because it’s gross. Let’s just leave it at “Rihanna looks way better with this hair than she did with that other hair.”

But wait! Before you go and get all excited and throw a party because Rihanna is straying from her ‘Thug Life’, wait: she wasn’t trying to jazz her look up by trying to improve upon it, she was going for the “stripper” look. Yes, Rihanna claims that her hair (though she loves it!) makes her look like a stripper (along with those boots of hers):

Cute, right? “Stripperish.” Just what the doctor ordered.

So what do you guys think about Rihanna’s new hair? Classy? Trashy? Don’t care as long as she’s showing those sweet ass cheeks of hers?

But yes, it’s true, folks: Rihanna is the latest celebrity obsessed with Marilyn Monroe and her tortured life and addictions and fame and self-esteem issues and blah blah blah. It’s so true that Rihanna’s actually doling out her hard-earned ‘Umbrella’ money on bedazzled portraits of Marilyn herself. No joke.

From the Daily Mail:

Rihanna has found a worthy cause for £100,000 of her finest sterling – after she bought a portrait of Marilyn Monroe made out of 65,000 crystals.

The Russian Roulette singer reportedly commissioned British artist Claire Milner to make the five sq ft picture of the original blonde bombshell.

The extravagant star is believed to ‘identify’ with the Gentlemen Prefer Blondes actress because she feels the same pressures of fame.

The portrait, which constantly changes colour and ‘sends rainbows of light round the room’, took four months to complete at Claire’s Yorkshire studio.

Claire, who created the 13 stone piece with 100 per cent Swarovski crystals told The Sun: ‘I tried to show the glitter of the public life and then the sadness in Marilyn’s eyes.

‘Because of who Rihanna is, everything had to be done through her interior decorators, but they told me afterwards she loved it.’

Despite lavishly splashing out on her wall hanging, and forking out even more money to ship it to her Beverly Hills mansion, the 23-year-old RnB pop princess insists she is living the ‘thug life’.

‘Thug life’ indeed. Could you imagine Marilyn Monroe, if she were living today, living the ‘thug life’? Because I, for one, cannot. How ’bout taking a leaf out of Megan Fox’s book, Rih, huh? She’s even getting rid of her Marilyn Monroe tattoo because of the miserable connotations that come along with wanting to be word-associated with Monroe. Megan Fox herself said:

“She was a negative person, she was disturbed, bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.”

Imagine that. And Megan Fox doesn’t generally strike me to be all that introspective as it is. I can’t say that I had you pegged as more intelligent and well-thought-out than someone like Megan Fox, girl, but when someone’s running away from a chemical fire while another one’s running to it, you can’t tell me that there’s something right about that scenario. I shake my head back and forth, I shake my head back and forth.

You’re sad, you’ve been sad, you’ll continue to be sad until you drop this weird “who am I” thing you’ve got going on and just be who you are. Whoever you are. Just … figure it out behind closed doors, would you? You’re only making yourself look foolish in the long run. I don’t know if thugs care about making themselves look foolish, but I thought I’d put it out there in case you, you know, did.

Look! Rihanna loves Tupac as much as I do! You can tell because of her classy new tattoo, which, in case you can’t read because of the light ink, says “Thug Life.” Rihanna got “Thug Life” tattooed across her knuckles. Can you imagine?

I don’t even know, you guys, this is just so crazy right now. That look on Rihanna’s face, her nails, her John Lennon t-shirt … is this real? Is this really happening? Did Rihanna really get a permanent tattoo that says Thug Life? Across her knuckles?

I guess she did, because she’s going on and on (and on) about it on Twitter:

All these bitches screaming that 2pac back #THUGLIFE

I #LOVE my new tattoo!!! Can’t wait for yall to see it!!! I got it in “Tibetan” this time!!! #approved

Err’body has an opinion, but yall know what yall can do with them!!! #THUGLIFE

I’m thinking I shoulda got a tear drop instead!!! #THUGLIFEmaybe next time

All eyes on Rih, betta picture me rollin’ #THUGLIFE

I can’t deny it, ima riot..u don’t wanna f*ck with me! #THUGLIFEhaaaaaaa

Also, when someone tweeted her with a very reasonable “lol you’re not a thug, stop it,” Rihanna replied with “shut up bitch, swallow!” Who talks like that? Do thugs talk like that? And is Rihanna being serious with this? I can never tell, because whenever Rihanna does anything, my response, without fail, is always “are you serious with this?”

Do you think Rihanna is truly a thug, or should I be mad at her for tastelessly ripping off the greatest rapper of all time?

From Us Magazine:

The edgy, platinum-selling “We Found Love” singer and Brown “meet up very casually,” a Brown confidante says. “She comes to see him anytime she’s in L.A.” Explains a music industry source: “They can’t get enough of each other. I don’t see it ending well. Rihanna loves to live dangerously, and talking to and hooking up with Chris is all part of that,” adds a Rihanna insider.

Oh jeez. This is not exactly the best news, if you ask me, and even though you probably didn’t (and wouldn’t, because you’ve either been here long enough to know how I feel about it – or just don’t care), I’m going to tell you (and Rihanna): RUN. RUN GIRL. What the hell’s the matter with you? I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again – it’s not that a leopard doesn’t change its spots (granted, a leopard really doesn’t change its spots, but that’s just nature, baby, and we’re talking euphemisms or something here), it’s that there are just some things that you don’t need in your life one way or the other. For Rihanna-girl, I really think Chris Brown is one of them. Maybe I’m all hung up on this thing being a power struggle, but I’d be damned if I’d reconcile my love to a man who once beat the snot out of me. It’s got nothing to do with forgiveness and everything to do with self-respect and appreciating one’s boundaries.

I mean, love somebody or not, how could you want to be with them again after they did this – this?! – to your face? It takes an amazing and healthy person to truly forgive someone for something like that, and an amazing and healthy person to know what to avoid down the road, whether it’s with that particular person or another. I’m sorry, but every indication that I’ve gotten from Rihanna over the past three years is that she’s not that amazing or healthy just yet, and the “sources” that are being quoted don’t think she’s grown up enough to realize the impact of her decisions even today. I mean, “live dangerously”? That sounds like a real good idea, girl. Why don’t you just settle down and pop out a few dozen kids with good old hot-headed-but-well-intentioned Chris Brown. That’ll totally make all of the wrong things in your relationship all better, you know?

This is it; I’m done. I’m, once and for all, through ranting and speculating about whether or not these two idiots have decided to be two idiots conjoined. They apparently do more damage together than they do on their own, and if that’s their thing – if that’s their way of living dangerously – then so be it.

You guys, I almost totally forgot! The Entertainment Lawyer who scribes Crazy Days and Nights is finally “naming names,” as is his hallowed New Year’s Day tradition.

Emily hit on some of the year’s best, most salacious scandals, but you guys! THERE IS SO MUCH MORE.

- Now we know for sure: Lea Michele is starting to behave like a real diva.

- Chris Brown is kind of a dickwad—a “Don’t you know who I am?” kind of dickwad.

- Stars who hate each other: Rob Lowe and Amy Poehler, Evan Rachel Wood and Kate Winslet.

- Sean Penn once hit on Naomi Watts. When baby-daddy Liev Schreiber found out, he punched Sean in the face. Did I mention that Liev Schreiber is my favorite? Because he is.

- Is there a costar Robert Pattinson hasn’t slept with? Ew.

- In the late 80s, Warren Beatty was having sex with Annette Bening, Madonna, and Nicole Kidman, practically simultaneously. (Supposedly.)

- I used to assume Topanga could not really be that nice, but it turns out she is: she’s been tutoring kids for the last 10 years. That’s right, ever since Boy Meets World ended! Aww.

- Fellow good samaritan Rebecca Romijn pulled out all the stops when she helped a frantic woman catch up with her missing purse (which had been left on a bus). This Blind Item reads like an action movie, honestly. Rebecca Romijn! You’re totally a superhero!

- Sick of being “shunned,” Julia Stiles “begged for [a fellow actress's] forgiveness.” (The writer stops there, but I think we can safely guess who the other actress is. Yeesh.)

- X-Files fans, rejoice? David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson might actually be dating on the sly.

And there are plenty other scandals to read up on, kids! As Emily revealed earlier today, Christina Aguilera sleeps with a baby monitor so she doesn’t die of alcohol poisoning in the night, Sean “Puffy” Combs bought JLo a mansion, and Julia Roberts is catty. Also, the thing about how Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick won’t touch each other? That’s my favorite one.

Every now and then in the comments of a delightful little blind item, one of you will say “but what’s the point? We don’t even know who this is about!” And that’s fair: it can be frustrating to read some little piece of gossip that’s so intriguing but to not even know who you’re reading about. But you guys, sometimes those blind items get revealed. Sometimes we find out the answer. And this is one of those times.

Let’s get started by talking about a blind item that you’ve heard about here. Do you remember the one about a singer who turned into a “hot disheveled mess” who drinks way too much and keeps a baby monitor on her at all times so that her bodyguard can hear if she starts to die? Yeah, that one is Christina Aguilera. Nailed it.

You want to read more, don’t you?

Of course you do, it’s too much fun not to read!

I guess this actress is a B list by name recognition, but if we are going by acting talent it would be a Z. OK, maybe that is an exaggeration. How about an S. Anyway, she also does some other things that make her some money, and she is probably more well known for them than her acting. Our actress recently bought a huge mansion with a really large price tag. Living large right? Well, it turns out that our actress got most of the money for the purchase from an A list ex. He is guaranteeing the loan and also put up most of the down payment. The ex was thrilled that she bought a place so close to his. I think he is expecting way more than for her to repay him the money.

That’s Jennifer Lopez and P Diddy, you guys! Diddy bought J Lo’s house so she would have sex with him!

This A list movie actress who got her start way back in the day on television and then did some more along the way, let it slip the other day that she and her always a B list (for one role in particular) movie actor husband have not had sex in almost five years. It is kind of ironic if you think about it.

This one is Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick. No wonder she hates her husband, right?

This B+/A list movie actress kept people waiting at an event for her for almost 30 minutes. Why? She was busy yelling at her assistant for not bringing the right shoes and made her assistant go back and get them. Oh, the best part? The audience would only be able to see her feet for the 10 seconds it took for her to get to her seat.

This bitch is Julia Roberts.

This A list singer recently broke up with her celebrity boyfriend because she was cheating on him and he found out. Hey, it happens and probably not blind item worthy. However, it is who she was cheating on him with that caused all the drama. Lets just say the entire world would freak out if they knew this singer was having sex with this other singer. Oh yeah, this will be revealed. Don’t you worry about that.

Remember when Rihanna was dating Matt Kemp? This blind item indicates that they broke up because she cheated on him with Chris Brown. Gross.

You can check out more reveals over at Crazy Days and Nights, but man, doesn’t all that new information just overwhelm?

Earlier today, Sarah told you about how Chris Brown and Rihanna are perhaps tweeting each other sweet nothings again. Just like every other story about the possibility of these two getting back together, I was left with a very uncomfortable feeling. I just don’t think there’s any possible way that any kind of reunion between Chris Brown and Rihanna could end well. As Sarah said, there’s a big difference between forgiving someone for the horrible things he did to you and giving him the chance to do it again, and I’m really worried that Rihanna’s going towards the latter.

But what do I do know? Chris Brown’s mother wants Rihanna back:

Ever since their tumultuous split in 2009, Rihanna and Chris Brown have had little contact. But it seems the tide is turning. Chris’ mother, Joyce Hawkins, has stepped in the help reconcile the ex-lovers. “Joyce decided to reach out to Rihnna and help her sort out her life — and her relationship with Chris,” explains a source. “Rihana is still trying to blot out the inner emotional pain and turmoil of wanting Chris back.”

The former pair “have connected via text and email,” the source tells Star. Still, “Her management won’t let her meet up with him, because they are worried that he would hurt her again or that her fans would turn on her.”

But Rihanna has been spiraling out of control for months, boozing and bar-hopping. Friends fear it’s a sign of her missing her bad-boy ex — and Chris’ mom is trying to help the 23-year-old get back on track.

“Joyce is worried about her,” says the source. “She knew Rihanna as a sweet, young girl who was more interested in her career than partying all night long. If Rihanna thinks being with Chris will help her pull out of her tailspin, Joyce will make it happen.”

I’ve never seen a couple who broke up – like seriously broke up, like a “get out of my house, lose my number, we’re done” – and then got back together and managed to make it work. My own parents got divorced twice. Once when I was 8, and my dad got a new house, and everything was over. Then, a couple of years later, they started hanging out when one of them dropped me off, one thing led to another, and my dad proposed. Again. They split for good when I was 13, and talk about a mindf*ck.

I just don’t see how, after a couple ends things so finally, they think that maybe it could work if they just tried again. I know a lot of it’s hope, but … your son put this girl in the hospital, Joyce. Call me crazy, but I don’t think it’s the best idea if they get back together.

And then here’s a tweet that came in just minutes later from Chris Brown‘s Twitter:

OK, to answer the question in the headline, “Are Rihanna and Chris Brown Tweeting Each Other Again?”, my answer is, frankly, “I don’t give a f-ck.” These two people are complete assholes (one a bit more than the other, but let’s not reopen that can of worms today), and I just don’t have it in me to be all “girl power” and “you go girl” all over Rihanna anymore. It’s just not there, and I’m not going to waste my time faking it. It’s like Ike and Tina Turner, only after Ike beat the ever-loving snot out of Tina, no one wanted to touch his grimy ass. Apparently times have changed, friends, and the in thing to do is maybe eat where you shit.

Tina Turner once said:

“It’s [the divorce was] not about leaving with money. You leave with knowledge. Inner strength. All the discipline I have to have now came from being with that man … I knew what I was doing, and I knew why, and I got out. You don’t step out and do what I did with my life if you don’t have some control there.”

You know, maybe Rihanna HAS gained control (though I somehow doubt it), and maybe she hasn’t (the likelier of the two choices). But the bottom line is that there’s a huge difference between being a big enough person to forgive someone for something so awful, and to continuously put your heart out there to let that other person know that, in addition to forgiving them, they also still have the same power over you that turned against you in the end anyway. It’s like, just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you *need* to be together.

I know I said “watch this” in the headline up there, but I’m not entirely sure that it’s fair to tell you to do something when I couldn’t do it myself. When it comes to Rihanna, her own unique brand of shitty music and relentless crotch grabs makes it hard for me to pay attention for a whole three minutes. Did you have better luck?

Are you ready for it? Because it’s kind of a doozy …

“The ultimate n*ggabitch.” A Dutch magazine called Jackie did a piece on Rihanna, and this is what they had to say about her:

She has street cred, she has a ghetto ass and she has a golden throat. Rihanna, the good girl gone bad, is the ultimate n*ggabitch and displays that gladly, and for her that means: what’s on can come off. If that means she’ll be on stage half naked, then so be it.

When the article came out, people were naturally a little taken aback by it. It’s ok though, because the editor-in-chief, Eva Hoeke, explained that it wasn’t racist at all, it was just a poor use of slang that’s heard “all the time on tv and radio.” That wasn’t good enough for Rihanna, who took to her Twitter to get her feelings out:

I hope u can read english, because your magazine is a poor representation of the evolution of human rights! I find you disrespectful, and rather desperate!! You ran out of legit, civilized information to print! There are 1000′s of Dutch girls who would love to be recognized for their contributions to your country, you could have given them an article. Instead, u paid to print one degrading an entire race! That’s your contribution to this world! To encourage segregation, to mislead the future leaders to act in the past! You put two words together, with the intent of abasement, that made no sense…”N*GGA BITCH”?!….Well with all respect, on behalf of my race, here are my two words for you…F*CK YOU!!!

Well said, Rihanna.

Since the magazine was published, the editor-in-chief has been let go, even though, as she continues to claim, she didn’t really do anything that wrong. See, “n*ggabitch” originated in America and it’s used “to describe a style of dress.” It’s not racist, it’s a legitimate fashion term. Get it?

What a hot mess though, right? And why has Rihanna had to go through so much racist bullshit recently? Honestly, just give this girl a rest.

Yeah, I embedded a YouTube video, even though you can’t really see anything. You can, however, hear Rihanna energetically shouting to the crowd. Then she goes silent. (What is the last thing she yells? It sounds like “Facebooooook!” to me. That probably isn’t what she said, though.)

The camera points toward the crowd, then looks back at the stage, and voila—no sign of Rihanna anywhere. Just some backup dancers, shimmying.

Rihanna confirmed afterward, in reply to a fan via Twitter, that she totally ran offstage to horf.

My favorite YouTube comment so far is “SHE THREW UP IN A HOPELESS PLACE,” which, I keep snickering because I can’t tell whether it’s literal or figurative. Like, maybe this guy just doesn’t like Portugal? Is that what he means?

According to the Huffington Post, though, Rihanna might really be in a “hopeless place.” She’s even contemplating taking a yearlong hiatus after her exhausting 10-month tour, and others report that she is emotionally drained. Also, she had the flu a few weeks ago, which can’t help anything.

What a douche, right? I mean, how do people like that even function in society these days? Racism is SO déclassé as it is, and to be so obvious and overt and out-in-the-open about an opinion that’s just f-cking lunacy doesn’t say a whole lot for that particular breed of person. Count me seriously disappointed, friends, and embarrassed that there is, indeed, people like this allowed to walk around out there.