I don’t know, guys. I was never really into Dancing With the Stars, and I was even more aghast when they asked Kate Gosselin to star on it for a season, so I’m sort of torn as to how I continuously feel about the show. I know it’s not going away anytime soon, and I’ve made my peace with that, but it seems like the execs over there at ABC are trying really, really hard to lure in the under-fifty crowd by including people like Bristol Palin, Kendra Wilkinson, and the majority of the new season’s cast. Who, you’re wondering? Try these names out for size:
Nancy Grace. Just when you thought her career wouldn’t extend past the Casey Anthony trial.
Ricki Lake. Why not? It’s not like she’s done anything recently except play poker or something.
Chynna Phillips. Sure hope this one doesn’t lose the weight that most contestants do. SHE CAN’T AFFORD IT.
Hope Solo. This one’s going to be fun to watch. I saw an interview after all of the women’s soccer hubbub earlier this summer where she was asked about the possibility of joining the cast, and Hope claimed that, even though she’s mad athletic and coordinated on the field, she can’t dance for crap. I like this girl, so good times.
Ok, I know “everyone we cared about in the 80′s and 90′s” is a pretty large group, and granted, there is not a single Spice Girl in the video, but it’s still a solid representation. Jason Alexander. Ricki Lake. Norm from Cheers, Theo from The Cosby Show. Carlton from Fresh Prince breaks it down. What’s that? Those names are enough for your highfalutin tastes? Fair enough. What if I told you that Glenn Close and Right Said Fred are also involved? Still not enough? Fine. SMFG is there. That’s right, Steve Motherfucking Guttenberg. And I defy you to name someone more important.
But really, I defy you. I’m not saying that Steve Guttenberg was the most influential actor of the 80′s and 90′s (even though in a different, very correct sense I am definitely saying that), I’m just wondering what your favorite appearance in the video was. I care about what you care about, and that’s why our relationship works.
Are these bangs going to be some new trend?Â Because I hate them.Â Like, I didn’t care when Jessica Alba got them because she’s mean and deservesÂ ugly hair.Â ButÂ Selena Gomez is just a cute and innocent kid despite that thing on her head.Â Where were her parents when this haircut was happening?Â Â Aren’t there laws to protect minors from this kind of thing?Â
Speaking of devastating, I also came across some pictures of Rachel Zoe who was at the 2008 CNN Heroes with SelenaÂ event last night.Â And I wikied her.Â She’sÂ 37 years old?Â I will give a free Dr. Pepper to the first person who can prove that she is actually at leastÂ eight years older.Â Because if I have to live with the fact that she’s only 11 months older than I am, I’m not sure I can go on.Â For real.
Also there:Â Lucy Liu looking pregnant, Cameron Diaz looking orange, and Ricki Lake looking like she could have made so much more effort.Â Dude, you lost like, a hundred pounds.Â Wear something flattering.
WhenÂ I page through all theÂ pictures that were taken at an event, there are lots of snapshots of each celebrity in different poses or scenarios.Â Drinking wine, posing on the red carpet, accepting an award.Â Meg Ryan’s face, in every single picture, was exactly the same.Â NoÂ other facial nuance was recorded at any time.Â Â