Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Reese Witherspoon

Reese and Her New Man Seem Pretty Cozy

Reese Witherspoon and her new boyfriend Jim Toth were snapped getting breakfast together in LA this morning. The two were affectionate and seemed comfortable around each other. How else could you explain why Reese was shoveling food into her mouth and doing some serious Jim Carrey shit with her face? Considering Reese is still kind of fresh off of her break-up with Jake Gyllenhaal, I have to wonder if this Jim bro is a total rebound, or perhaps the next big thing in her life.

Fake Couple Jake and Reese Fake Break-Up, Jake is Fake Heartbroken

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal

Aw, well, that was a fun little game while it lasted, wasn’t it?

I am hesitant to even report on this “break-up” because I think we all knew that the whole “Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are dating” thing was a massive ruse dreamed up by some managers or PR people somewhere to give their clients a sense of normalcy in the press. I don’t know if you are all as in to the whole blind item scene as much as I am, but just in case, scroll through the archives of “Toothy Tile” on Blind Items Exposed and catch up for a second. Toothy Tile has been rumored to be Jake forever and pretty much everyone beside Jake has been eliminated by E! gossip gal Ted Casablanca at some point or another (please note how he refers to them as “cute-in-public”.)

Reese was Jake’s temporary beard, if you believe these sorts of things (and I very much do.) He’ll get set up with another KiKi Dunst or Reese just like he’s always been in a couple months and he and his boyfriend can continue to live life privately and at their own pace. However, if you buy the hot pile of crap that Us Weekly is selling this week, you’ll see that Jake’s not dealing so well with the seperation from the woman he’s probably never even seen naked:

After nearly three years together, Reese Witherspoonand Jake Gyllenhaal called it quits in early December. “It broke his heart,” an insider reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly.

A source close to Gyllenhaal, 29, explains that the once-golden couple “fought constantly in the past few months,” and that the relationship concluded over a series of phone calls.

Adds another source, “No one cheated. There was no drama.”

Here’s where I’d normally make a statement about how this probably sucks for them but it sounds like they’re handling it maturely and I hope that this doesn’t take any toll on Reese’s kids, who were supposedly close to Jake. HOWEVER! I don’t believe a word of it! Never have! They’re just two good-looking people linked up by Hollywood to have their photos taken. If you’re attractive, famous and you can stand the person you’re supposed to hang out with, you’d be stupid not to do this unless you’re George Clooney. Then you just fuck whatever walks your way, especially if it’s me that’s walking his way. Wait, what?

Point is: I’m pretty sure Jake, his boyfriend, Reese and the kids are all going to come away from this just fine and having received exactly the right amount of press to make it worth it.

Quotables

Jake Gyllenhaal

“I’ve learned so much from the kids in my life, and somehow they just become the center of your life and the way you look at things. Obviously I exist in my girlfriend’s world and my sister’s world in a different way, but it’s opened my heart and I feel much more grown up and want to be grown up as a result of it.”

– Jake Gyllenhaal talks about his relationship with his sister Maggie and his girlfriend Reese’s kids.

Oh my God! You guys! He totally called Reese his girlfriend in public! Swoonsies! I’m dying. Totally dying. I can’t even deal. Someone slap me.

I wonder if his boyfriend’s jealous…

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal HAVE NOT Broken Up

gyllenhall_witherspoon

People reported earlier today that Reese and Jake, who have been together since 2007, had decided to call it quits, and the rumor spread quickly to several celebrity gossip sites.

But a rep for Witherspoon has released a comment contradicting the rumor, saying simply: “It’s not true. They have not split.”

At this point, no one knows what the truth is. On the one hand, you’ve got Witherspoon’s rep trying to squash the rumor, but on the other hand, People’s story was based on “a source close to the actress,” and the pair weren’t exactly forthcoming when they started dating, denying their involvement for almost a year.

Either way, I’m all for keeping our noses out of their personal business. You know how mortifying it is just to change your Facebook status from “In a Relationship” to “Single” (with the little broken heart icon) when you break up with someone. Imagine if the thousand tongues of the internet were to start wagging with unfounded rumors of a breakup every time you and your honey have a tiff.

Workin’ Out!

31266PCN_reese

31266PCN_reese

Look who’s a softball stud! Reese Witherspoon is in hardcore softball training at UCLA — she’s learning the sport for an upcoming film with Owen Wilson.

I went to IMDB to try to find the title of the film, and it looks like it’s still untitled, but I did learn that Reese has also been cast as the lead female role in the upcoming film version of Tokyo Suckerpunch. I was really bummed out about that, for reasons I can’t even really verbalize. The Billy Chaka books were strangely life-changing for me, and I never saw someone like Reese in the Sarah role. Tobey Maguire will play the male lead, which also doesn’t thrill me. I don’t even really know who I want in those roles, but it’s definitely someone different. If you haven’t read the books, you totes should. They’re fantastic.

Monsters vs. Aliens Premiere

Seth Rogen and Reese Witherspoon at the Monsters vs. Aliens Premiere

Sunday’s Monsters vs Aliens premiere was a veritable who’s who of people you’re not supposed to be attracted to, but probably are.
There were a few who walked the red (or rather, blue) carpet that would be considered mainstream-acceptably hot (Kiefer Sutherland, Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon). But there were just as many celebrities about whom many of you have probably had the occasional raunchy dream, but were too embarrassed to tell anyone. I can tell you from my own dreams that Seth Rogen is very gentle and Hugh Laurie’s beard tickles. Rainn Wilson and Jack Black are on a few of your lists, I’m sure. Hell, maybe some of you are even attracted to that big, blue, animated blob.

Personally,  I love Reese’s dress. But I can also see how some people would think it looks like scraps of Christmas wrapping paper sewn together.