Oh, don’t tease me like this!

Seriously this Mini Me sex tape back-and-forth is like a guy putting it in, taking it out, and being like “You know, I’m just going to stop for now.” IT’S NOT FAIR. I’d rather just fuck Verne Troyer; at least then I wouldn’t know it was in to begin with.

Anyway, in order to prevent his sex tape from being released, Troyer first has to copyright the tape. In order to copyright the tape, he must find a copy. And he’s having some trouble doing that.

[Ranae] Shrider, unsurprisingly, has provided no assistance to her diminutive former better half, with her manager telling the Los Angeles Times she hasn’t seen the tape since selling it to an anonymous man who approached her with a wad of cash outside their once-shared house.

“He just said, ‘Here’s some money,’ ” Shrider’s manager, Holly Bannon, told the paper. “She just wanted to be rid of it, so she said okay.”

Bannon said the transaction, which earned Shrider $5,000, was a simple “cash deal” and that no paperwork was involved.

Ahhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I LOVE this girl.

Troyer’s lawyer got all pissed, responding “Come on! Some guy just pulled up to the curb and gave her five grand? Was it in a paper bag?” That’s a real quote, not something I made up to be funny.

I WANNA SEE THIS TAPE.

RIGHT NOW.

I mean, it kind of makes sense. What else is he going to do? Beat them up?

This time, Verne’s suing his ex-girlfriend and sex tape partner, Ranae Shrider, for “intentional infliction of emotional distress and battery.” Verne’s lawyer claims his former housemate “once picked the lock to his bedroom door, pushing away a 100 pound scooter that was used to block the door, and then throwing him to the floor.” His lawyer, in a statement to TMZ, adds that “when you pick up a 2’8″ human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts.”

And you know what he’s suing her for?

$20 million!!!

You know this chick doesn’t have that kind of money. He’s trying to bankrupt her.

And what is his lawyer doing giving exclusive statements and information to TMZ? They were one of the parties named in Troyer’s previous lawsuit (also for $20M). Wanna know what I think? I think the settlement for the previous lawsuit — which resulted in TMZ taking down the footage they had of the sex tape — involved an agreement that Troyer would give TMZ a first look at inside info on any further developments. I mean, they ran this story before the lawsuit was even filed in court. It’s a strange, strange world, kids.

Oh and wanna know what I loooooooooove?

This photo.