How does someone who used to look like this:
Go to looking something like this:
In a matter of what seems like six months? What the hell happened? Was there some kind of bomb dropped on Ralph’s house that I don’t know about that rendered him homeless for the last four-of-six months, and in that time, he grew this heinous crapbag of a beard and grew his hair out to what I like to call “creepy-chic,” and then, on top of all of that, demolished all of his normally-on-point clothing choices and put him in mountain climbing campwear? I just don’t know, and I’m all sorts of concerned that Ralph is becoming one of those guys who stop giving a f-ck what they look like as they get older. And now, don’t get me wrong, there’s not necessarily anything wrong with that. I can tell you that I will, as I get older, give a f-ck less and less what I look like, but then, I’m not nearly as beautiful and interesting-looking as Ralph Fiennes, and nor will I ever be. It’s not OK for Ralph to give up on looking hot, because he’s way, way too good at it. I just don’t even know.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’d still hit it, but it’d have to be how like some crazy people are about pubic hair (AKA all grossed-the-f-ck out) and that beard would have to be gone or I wouldn’t even be able to look at him, much less touch him in an intimate kind of way. Yeesh.
Last, do you guys remember that story that circulated a few years back about how Ralph got freaky in an airplane with some random? Because I always thought that story was the hottest. The. hottest. Here’s a refresher:
The Qantas stewardess who claimed she rejected an amorous Ralph Fiennes on a flight to India has admitted having sex with him in an aircraft lavatory. Lisa Robertson told friends she was a big fan of the British actor and found herself luring him to the cubicle. But they apparently shared more than a 15-minute fling at 35,000ft.
Miss Robertson claims they went on to share a passionate night in a Mumbai hotel – at the star’s invitation. The Australian stewardess has told friends she recognised Fiennes, 44, as he soon as he settled into his business class seat, 2K, for the nine-hour flight from Darwin.
“I’ve always fancied him and to see him on my flight was a real thrill,” she told them. Later she allowed him to break aircraft rules by sitting beside her on the crew jump seat, which is used during their break. After chatting together, there was, she has admitted, a lot of ‘body language’ between them and even the odd kiss or two. She gave him her phone number. Finally she decided to take matters into her own hands. “I just stood up, reached down for his hand and told him to follow me,” she told friends. “We went into the toilet and locked the door and off came much of our clothes.”
She said they then had passionate and apparently unprotected sex.
Other crew members, more than a little suspicious, waited outside the door and later reported her to airline bosses.
Miss Robertson, 38, told friends she was so overwhelmed with the moment that she did not care who was listening, what they saw or what they assumed had been going on.
Yeah, I don’t know the relevancy of this story, either, but it happened back in 2007 (or at least, we heard about it back in 2007), and I just never forgot about it.
Can we go back to that hot Ralph time? Would that be OK?