Rachel Uchitel, former mistress of Tiger Woods and contestant on Celebrity Rehab, claims that she’s neither a ho nor a homewrecker. In fact, she’s a private investigator. Or, at least, will be, come this December!
Yup. Rachel Uchitel finally breaks her silence to the UK’s Daily Mail about the Tiger Woods affair (OK, well, not too much, or she would have ended up with a bloody horse’s head in her bed, not all that dissimilar from last Christmas) and claims that she’s not only the best of all of the mistresses, but the one with the most teeth.
On former fellow mistress Jaimie Grubbs:
“The poor girl had a tooth missing … Honestly, she was toothless!”
She also claims that all of the other women in Tiger’s life were whores, but not She of the Virgins and of the Crisp Hair:
“People have called me all sorts of names, but they don’t know me. I am not the same as the other girls … I am only telling my story now so that people can discover what sort of girl I am and learn the truth about me – if they still choose to hate me, then so be it – but I never set out to hurt anyone.”
Uchitel also says that while she appreciates Tiger’s multi-million-dollar payoff, she didn’t need it, ’cause her love don’t cost a thing:
“I have a brain and I came from money. I never needed any man’s money.”
As for her future career aspirations? She wants to add private investigator to her list of wonderful attributes, and will be formally licensed next month:
“Yes, that means I will be hunting down cheating husbands,” she said. “It is all part of me moving on with my life and I figured I may as well do something career-wise that I have a flair for.”
I guess the ‘stripper’ and ‘famewhore‘ positions were filled to the gills at the New York unemployment office. Uchitel strikes me as a ‘take what you can’ type of girl, so private eye it is, guys. Wish the lady some luck, won’t you?