Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Rachel Dratch

I Love Rachel Dratch

A photo of Rachel Dratch

I really, honestly love this lady. Rachel Dratch, former cast member of Saturday Night Live, current mother, and forever awesome person, is just amazing. She’s always so funny in everything she does, and it makes me sad that she sort of just disappeared after SNL. Sure, she was on some episodes of 30 Rock, and she’ll be playing the role of Copyright Office Clerk in a movie later this year, but she should have more. She should have her own television show and star in funny movies just like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, but she doesn’t. Why not?

Well, according to Rachel herself, it’s because she’s a troll:

“Saturday Night Live” alum Rachel Dratch, best known for her role as “Debbie Downer” has had a few surprises – bad and good – in her life after ‘SNL.’

One of those surprises is how she is perceived by Hollywood. In her new memoir, “Girl Walks into a Bar: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle,” Dratch writes, “If you saw me walking down the street, you wouldn’t point at me and recoil, but by Hollywood’s standards, I’m a troll, ogre, woodland creature, or manly lesbian.”

On “CBS This Morning,” Thursday, Dratch said she felt like she had to address the issue in the book.

“I don’t think that about myself, but this is like what I was seen as in the whole Hollywood scene,” Dratch said. “In real life, I’m gorgeous, beautiful.”

Dratch said she wasn’t offered many parts, and spent many days watching “Dr. Phil.” But when she was called by her agent, she was often told she could play something akin to a 55-year-old obese lesbian.

“I was getting a lot of stuff like that,” Dratch said. “And there’s not a lot of call for that in Hollywood. There weren’t a lot of those jobs coming. But, you know, after you’re done with ‘SNL’ you think, movies, and then it was a little plateau there. So I was spending a lot of frittering away a lot of time, so that’s when I decided to start writing. I didn’t know it was going to be a book. I started writing these stories up. I didn’t know where it was going.”

Ugh. Hollywood sucks.

There are women in the world who are shorter than 5’8″ and that weigh more than 110 pounds. There are women who don’t surgically enhance their appearance and there are women who just happened to be born outside of Hollywood’s super specific standards of beauty. And a lot of those women have more talent than the supermodel types that tend to flood the film industry.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s totally possible to be completely gorgeous and talented at the same time. Ladies like Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence fit that description. Rachel’s fellow SNL alum, Tina Fey, is absolutely stunning and one the the funniest women working today. If that’s the case, awesome. But there are so many mediocre actresses (hey, Megan Fox) who manage to get consistent work while delightful actresses like Rachel Dratch are meant to pop up in a cameo every couple years as Funny Weird Girl Number Three. And that is the opposite of awesome.

I was going to try to fit the fact that SNL has had tons of fat dudes in the cast but never a fat lady or – and this is has been more noticeable in recent years – many female cast members who aren’t considered conventionally pretty. Am I identifying too hard with this?

Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Rachel Dratch Get Jersified

What do you need to do to keep making Jersey Shore jokes freakin’ hilarious? Get the funniest people ever, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch and Abby Elliott together, and that’s exactly what Jimmy Fallon did on his show last night.

It’s true, I’m over the Jersey Shore jokes (We get it! They’re dumb, orange and gross!) but this video is hilarious. Of course it is, the Goddesses of Comedy, Tina and Amy, kill everything they do. They can drop the mic on the stage of life, right about now. They’ve given us so much already.

Rachel Dratch never fails to make me laugh out loud, and is it just me, or does Abby Elliott do the best impressions ever? Girl’s mad talented.

Guess Who’s Pregnant?

It’s actually kind of a trick question, because both of these ladies are pregnant. But Amy Poehler, that’s whatever, she already had a kid a while back, but Rachel Dratch, that’s where the story is.

Rachel Dratch is 44, the baby (her first) is due in September, and there’s no word yet on who the father is. My guess is that she went and got artificially knocked up before she lost that chance to menopause, and good for her. I absolutely love Rachel Dratch. She was definitely one of the funnier cast members of SNL, but unlike her costar Amy Poehler, she kind of tragically faded away after she left the show (ok, there were a few guest-starring roles, but I don’t care about Wizard of Waverly Place, and neither should you).  Even though this isn’t an acting gig or anything, I’m glad to see that she seems to be doing well.

How about you guys?  Rachel Dratch is awesome, right?