Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Prince William

What the Royal Couple Would Look Like This Christmas if They Sold Out

photo of royal couple christmas pictures
Photographer Alison Jackson is back at it with the spoof photos of the Royal Couple, and this time she envisions what Christmas would be like in Prince William and Duchess Kate‘s household.

Naturally, the photos are a farce, and while the lookalikes are rather good, there’s still something missing. Like, oh, I don’t know, realism. Do you really think that Kate would be serving f-cking potatoes while Prince William kicks back at the dinner table? No, for two reasons: the Duchess doesn’t seem to roll like that (meaning any man of hers will serve himself or get f-cked), and also, they probably have someone to feed them. Last, poor Kate probably can’t keep anything as heavy and starchy as potatoes down these days, but hey. Who am I to rip the photos? They’re fun and they’re frivolous and if there’s anything we need more these days than fun and frivolity, I can’t imagine what it could be.

Love them and these pictures. Too fun.

There’s a Royal Baby on the Way!

photo of kate middleton pregnancy pictures
From CNN:

Britain’s Prince William and Catherine Middleton are expecting their first child after 19 months of marriage, the palace announced Monday.

The royal revelation came as Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, was admitted to a central London hospital with acute morning sickness Monday afternoon. She is expected to be in King Edward VII Hospital for several days, the palace announcement said. William and Catherine were married on April 29, 2011, in London’s biggest royal wedding in three decades.

The baby would be the first grandchild for the heir to the British throne, Prince Charles, and the late Diana, Princess of Wales. “As the pregnancy is in its very early stages, Her Royal Highness is expected to stay in hospital for several days and will require a period of rest thereafter,” the statement said.

She is not yet 12 weeks pregnant, Clarence House told CNN, so the palace is not announcing a due date for the child. Prince William is at the King Edward VII hospital with Catherine, the palace says.
The news immediately became a top trending topic worldwide on Twitter.

British Prime Minister David Cameron was quick to tweet his joy: “‘I’m delighted by the news that the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a baby. They will make wonderful parents.’#royalbaby”

British Labour Party leader Ed Miliband tweeted “Fantastic news for Kate, William and the country. A royal baby is something the whole nation will celebrate.”

Ooh, gosh, how exciting! Can you imagine how adorable a Will and Kate baby’s going to be? And Kate‘s going to be such a great mom! I can’t wait to see her bump and glow! It almost makes me want to get pregnant all over again! (Almost. Almost.)

Tickled over this news. Positively ticked, guys.

Congratulations to the new family!

Prince William is a Hero, Duh

photo of prince harry and william pictures rescue pic
He’s a humanitarian, he quite resembles his mother (thankfully), he married a really sweet-seeming girl, and now he’s saving girls’ lives. Is there anything Prince William can’t do (besides look more like his super-hot ginger brother, Harry)? No, there’s probably not.

If you haven’t heard, Prince William heroically headed up an effort to save two girls’ lives—two girls who were in danger of drowning, and Prince William swooped in with his big old helicopter in order to help!

From USA Today:

Late Thursday night, it was two teen-age girls who got into “difficulties,” as the British put it, while swimming off the Welsh coast near William’s RAF base in Anglesey.

As The Telegraph and other British media reported, a 16-year-old and her 13-year-old sister were struggling in the water in Silver Bay when nearby surfers noticed and alerted authorities. As the surfers waved and pointed, the future king piloted his Sea King helicopter over the older girl as his crew pulled her aboard; the younger girl had made it back to shore. Neither was hurt but both were cold and shocked, and were taken to a hospital as a precaution.

William’s rescue heroics have been in the news before; last November he helped rescue a crew of Russian sailors after their ship sank in the Irish Sea.

So, uh, what did you do this week, Justin Bieber? Aside from, you know, give self-centered interviews and bash Prince William the Hero for not giving a f-ck about his hair?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Quotables: Justin Bieber Makes Fun of a Balding Prince William

photo of justin bieber and prince william pictures

“I mean, there are things to prevent that nowadays, like Propecia. I don’t know why he doesn’t just get those things, those products. You just take Propecia and your hair grows back. Have you not got it over here?”

—What Justin Bieber said during an interview with the UK’s Rollercoaster when the topic of Prince William‘s receding hairline apparently came up.

And oh Justin, there are so, so many things I could say to you about this, and so, so many things that I could probably knock you down a few pegs on your sacred ivory tower’s ladder, but I’m not going to. Because you’re a silly f-cking kid who doesn’t know the difference between real life and … well, anything, honestly. Just give it a few years. I’m going to say, “OK, you’ve got a pass here tonight,” and it’s because you’re a kid. But if you’re saying these dumb-ass things, boy, when you’re twenty-three and twenty-four years old, then we’ve got some even bigger problems on our hands than just a punk kid who thinks his shit doesn’t stink.

Your Morning Cry, Brought to You by Princes William And Harry

A photo of Prince Harry and Prince William

Do you remember that royal wedding business? It was a little over a year ago, and everyone made a huge fuss over it? Kate Middleton wore a really pretty dress. You remember! It was a pretty sweet day, but in an interview that Prince William and Prince Harry just did with Katie Couric, there was something that could have made it just a bit sweeter.

From People:

Despite the overabundance of dignitaries in attendance on his 2011 wedding day to Kate Middleton, there was one person missing, though very much on Prince William’s mind: his mother, Princess Diana.

“Very difficult” is how the prince recalls her absence that day, as he reveals during an ABC interview airing Tuesday night, as part of The Jubilee Queen with Katie Couric.

“I sort of prepared myself beforehand so that I was sort of mentally prepared … I didn’t want any wobbly lips or anything going on,” says William, 29. “It’s the one time since she’s died, where I’ve … thought to myself it would be fantastic if she was here, and just how sad really for her, more than anything, not being able to see it.”

Diana was killed in a Paris car crash in August 1997, when William was 15.

“I think she … she would have loved the day and I think, hopefully, she’d be very proud,” he tells Couric. “I’m just very sad that she’s never going to get a chance to meet Kate.”

Prince Harry, 27, also gets a chance to remark on his brother’s wedding day and what it would have meant to their mother.

“I think she had the best seat in the house, probably,” says Harry. “But yeah, she would have loved to have been there.”

I hadn’t had a good cry in a while, so I was planning on watching Precious and snuggling my kitten this evening, but this did the trick. I’ve never been a big Princess Di buff or anything like that – I was only nine years old when she died – but around the time of the wedding, I got interested in the royal family and all the traditions and history and all that, and I read a bit about her. From what I read, I think it’s easy to understand why so many people were so enchanted with her, and it goes without saying that she would have been just radiant at the wedding.

But, oh goodness, Harry’s line, “I think she had the best seat in the house”? I don’t know why, but that kind of thinking about someone who has passed away always gets me. I’m not even religious, but the idea that someone’s in a better place or that someone’s watching down on you, I think that’s the sweetest, saddest thing.

Did you have a good cry, too?

Hollywood Arranged A Play Date for Prince William and Kate Middleton Last Night

A photo of Prince William and Kate Middleton

Ok, it technically wasn’t just a play date, it was the inaugural ‘BAFTA Brits to Watch’ event, and its purpose was to “highlight the incredible depth and range of great British talent currently emerging in film, television and video games,” but between me and you, I think that’s just some highfalutin reasoning for a bunch of American celebrities to get to meet some real live royalty.

If you look through the gallery, you can see that it’s divided into three different categories: there’s some traditional red carpet coverage, where you can see Jennifer Lopez looking preposterous, Kate Middleton looking stunning, and Blake Lively looking pregnant, then there’s the part with bizarre celebrity pairings (I’m not going to pretend that the picture of Blake Lively with Quentin Tarantino isn’t going to give me nightmares), and then there’s my personal favorite, the part where Kate and William make friends with everyone! I think Nicole Kidman is their favorite, don’t you?