In what’s probably the most adorable video I’ve seen all year, schoolchildren tell Pippa Middleton that they “hate” princesses (and fairies), and are “tomboys.” Which, yeah, really has no bearance in the celebrity world other than the fact that two little girls told the sister of a “princess” that they, themselves, hate princesses, but it’s still funny as hell to listen to, and hey, isn’t Pippa Middleton kind of hot when she opens her mouth to talk? Because I think Pippa Middleton’s kind of hot when she opens her mouth to talk.
Here’s some brand-new Pippa news: girlfriend’s gone and released that book she was writing. What book? Well, this book—a “comprehensive seasonal guide to simple and creative entertaining.” The book is called Celebrate: A Year of Festivities for Families and Friends, and that business sounds to be right up my alley. Good things, guys!
So, OK. Those affiliated (and in) the Royal Family are doing all sorts of things. You know, Writing Best-Selling Books, traveling the world as The Cutest Royal Couple Ever, and even Grabbing Balls in Las Vegas. We’ve got a crew of regular fabulousness right here, guys, and frankly, *I know who I’d be partying with.
*Duh! All of them! Pippa could plan, Will and Kate could attend and be cute, and Harry could strip for all of us! And a good time would be had by all!
Did you guys hear? The Duchess’s sister Pippa—of bum fame—might be headed to jail. Wouldn’t that be something? Apparently a friend she was traveling with over the weekend decided to pull a gun on one of those crazy-intrusive photographers just, you know, doing their job, and it was obviously caught on film.
The photographer was pursuing Pippa and her friends through the streets of France (safe, that is; sounds familiar, doesn’t it?), and when the photographer got close enough, the driver of the car pulled a gun and aimed it at the cameraman. The photographer filed a complaint, which, according to the Paris Judicial Police, will be investigated, and charges could be brought against those in the vehicle, including Pippa, but she probably won’t be charged with anything, in reality.
Sources are now saying that the gun is a “fake,” and in any case, come the f-ck on. ABC News reports that the photographer knew the entire time that the weapon was a counterfeit, and is using the story for publicity:
ABC News has learned that the photographer says he knew all along the gun was a fake and has been telling people he never felt scared. Even friends of one of the young fashionistas in the car told ABC News today that they have the toy gun in their possession.
The Sun had reported that the Paris Judicial Police department is “poised” to launch a probe into the incident, but police told ABC News that there is no investigation, because no one has filed a complaint.
But yeah, what a c-nt, right? Let’s smile because your douchebag boyfriend thinks it’s cool to aim a possibly-loaded firearm at an innocent person who’s also operating a vehicle. Or, you know, let’s smile because it’s fun to pretend that fake guns are real and it’s still totally cool to point something in an attempt to make them think that their life is over because of some f-cking stupid picture. In either case, that’s nice. Real classy stuff right there, folks.
Just look at these finely crafted items up there! They bear such a remarkable resemblance to Kate and Pippa Middleton in their classically gorgeous royal wedding day get-ups, and notice how they aren’t creepy whatsoever!
Would you be interested in one of these darling dolls? Well, for just $49.95, Pippa can be yours, and gorgeous Kate is a steal at $189.95! I know what I’m asking for in my letter to Santa this year!
Does anyone else know of any other beautiful celebrity-inspired dolls who absolutely do not look like they would come to life and murder you in your sleep?
“Us American males are big fans of Pippa. We like the Middletons very much. I’m going to sound like a sleazeball. I’m going to stop right there!”
Is this true? Is that what you American males are attracted to these days, Kate and Pippa Middleton? Because I’m sorry, but unless you’re really into fancy parties or fancy hats, then I really don’t understand what you guys and Justin Timberlake go for.
Are those geometric shapes, math fans? Because in case you couldn’t tell – and, of course, if I’m wrong – math is definitely not my forte. No sir, never has been. Geometry, actually, was around the time that my math skills began failing me, and that was my sophomore year of high school. Embarrassing, right? I mean, I couldn’t even tell which angle to get the measurements from on a circle.
*I actually care. I care quite a lot. The dress is really pretty. I’m not so sure about the fabric, as it looks like it’d permanently wrinkle if you breathed on it wrong, but hey. It’s got some good points. Like the fact that a pretty, regular girl is wearing it. That counts for, like, a little bit of something in my book, you know?
Remember back when everyone was all like “OMG PIPPA MIDDLETON. SHE IS THE HOTTEST THING EVAR”? I do. I sort of bought in to that whole thing, enamored by the Royal Wedding and a really flattering white dress.
But this? Well. While it’s unquestionable that Pippa’s got some good genes, and is undeniably attractive, she is not the simpering, sexually-charged Aphrodite that we all pegged her to be. Henceforth, the veil has been lifted, you know?
She’s apparently very average, and while a lot of people might think that’s cause to malign poor Pippa and beat themselves up for being fooled, I think the opposite: it’s a time to celebrate, to rejoice in the fact that there’s one less “flawless” woman in the world to make those of use who think we don’t stack up feel subordinate.