Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Peaches Geldof

Peaches Geldof Chooses Poor Company, Looks Like a Really Beat Fiona Apple

I’ll just bet these pictures prompt so many questions for you.

Like, who’s the creepy red-headed kid in the photos? Yeah, his name is Ben Mills. And he was expelled from his New Jersey university for threatening to slit the throat of one of his female classmates. And also, you’re probably wondering what a skanked-out dude like this is doing with what’s supposed to be an upstanding lady from across the pond, yeah? Evidently, the two met back in 2009 after a detoxification clinic sponsored by the Scientology religion in LA. Peaches Geldof obviously had some mad wool pulled over her eyes when this creepy “ex” — and by “ex” I mean a random that happened to enjoy the same drugs she did at the moment — released photos that were allegedly taken after the detox process and during a heroin-filled sex romp.

After the clinic concluded, the two allegedly drove around LA looking for heroin apparatuses and after obviously finding what they needed, hell, it all went downhill. Mills claimed that the two watched a movie together, and before they knew it, things had gotten “hot and heavy” — and that hotness-and-heaviness clearly involved drugs, really unfortunate lighting, cameras, and poorly-applied eyeliner.

Although Geldof’s lawyers disassociate her from this Mills character and claim that she had nothing to do with him or heroin, there’s no mistaking that this is our lovely Peaches, with her lovely peaches hanging on out, definitely under the influence of something pretty heavy-duty.

Classy.

Celebs Raise Money for AIDS Research, But All I Care About Is Their Expensive, Hideous Clothing

paris-hilton-amfar

And now comes the point in the evening where I take a break from playing Punch Out to look at pictures of celebrities in expensive, but not always beautiful clothing.

Several celebs turned out for the amfAR Cinema Against AIDS Dinner held as part of the Cannes Film Festival. I wish I were the kind of person who opts not to say snarky things about celebrities when they’re actually doing something good and magnanimous, if not exactly altruistic. But let’s be realistic here– if I were that kind of person, I wouldn’t be writing for this blog.

While there were some attractive, well-appointed attendees– Claudia Schiffer looked adorable and Robert Pattinson actually managed to look alluring, not creepy– there were just as many couture trainwrecks.

Diane Kruger fell into one of those giant layer cakes that strippers pop out of and liked the feeling of buttercream between her tits so much that she decided to cover it in fabric and wear it to dinner. Zoe Saldana, who plays Uhura in the new Star Trek movie, couldn’t find a suitable dress, so she cut the tops off of several pairs of extra extra large nude pantyhose, draped them around her shoulders, tied them in a knot, and hoped no one would notice.

Meanwhile, Paris Hilton showed up wearing something that looked like a tinfoil cupcake wrapper mated with the seashell themed accessories decorating your Aunt Dee-Dee’s bathroom. She then proceeded to spread her legs and lean at awkward, 70 degree angles– either because she was posing for photos or because someone was holding a limbo contest just off camera.

In all seriousness, amfAR is a worthy cause, and I’m glad that these celebs took time out of their busy schedules of partying and wearing fancy dresses to party and wear fancy dresses for a cause. I just question the choice of fancy dresses.

After Days Of Trying, Peaches Geldof Can’t Make Marriage Work

With a heavy heart I announce the inevitable, impending divorce of Peaches Geldof and her husband Max Drummey.  You know, sometimes sad things happen and there is just no answer to the “why?”.  This would be one of those times.  When you have a 30-day, MySpace fueled courtship you just think you know someone.  I’m not sure about her Harvard grad hubby but she definitely seemed to have the right ideas about marriage.  The nineteen year-old socialite Peaches told Heat Magazine “I didn’t go into it with Max thinking, ‘This is going to last forever,’ but I did go into it thinking, ‘I love him right now and I know that I will continue to love him for a long while.’”  Which makes me wonder…is three months the glass anniversary?  Because they’ve made it almost 100 days now and I need to get a gift to them; would a bong be inappropriate?  The couple is denying a split but confirm that they have hit a rough patch.  In other words, they are so divorcing.

Peaches, the most normally named child of Bob Geldof and the late Paula Yates, is expected to resume her regular schedule of public intoxication and overdosing.