What do you think of Fergie’s look?  She looks like a wealthy socialite.  A ninety-year-old wealthy socialite. A ninety-year-old-wealthy socialite who doesn’t know better than to wear black Spanx under a white dress.

Fergie and her cute husband Josh Duhamel attended the Vanity Fair and Krug dinner last night in West Hollywood.  Paris was there.  Can someone please stage an intervention for her spine?  The girl can hardly stand at this point .  Kim Kardashian looked unrecognizable and Keyshia Cole let everyone know that her stylist was absent on the day the “less is more” class happened.

“It’s Gordon… Gordon Ramsay?”

Paris Hilton in response to the question “Who is the Prime Minister of the UK?”  Yes, Paris, very good.  Gordon Ramsay, as PM of the UK, awards Michelin stars to distinguished British military personnel too.

What the hell is wrong with Paris Hilton?  I know this is such an open-ended question so let me clarify.  I’m not referring to her sequined smiley face dress, nor her disfigured frame which has officially met the criteria for bobblehead status.  I’m not even talking about the picture in the gallery where she’s giving Lady Gaga an “I’m totally goin’ Lohan on you” look, or the one where she’s humping a wall.

No, my query relates to the dude that she’s totally impaling with her pelvic bones.  His name is George Sampson; he’s a dancer and 2008 winner of Britain’s Got Talent.  He’s fifteen.

Miz Hilton showed off a new, ultra-short bobbed look in Tokyo today at the launch of Bliss Boutique.

What do we think?

A tipster emailed me today to let me know that they’ve started casting for the second season of My New BFF over at GotCast.com. Here’s the link.

Um, if I apply, will you guys vote for me?

Like, a BILLION times a day?

So that I can be on this show?

I really think that if anyone can talk some sense in Paris, I can.

My daughter is really into dress-up.  She’s constantly scampering around the house in crowns and twirly ballerina dresses while whipping her magic wand within centimeters of my head, all in the name of spell casting.  In addition, there are also reindeer antlers, butterfly wings and bunny ears kicking around my house.  She’s three; she’s entitled.

Paris Hilton is almost twenty-eight and is so not entitled to be wearing fucking bunny ear hats and kitten paw mittens.  Here’s a good rule of thumb if you’ve lost your way:  Any clothing or accessory intentionally designed to look like animal parts is deemed “not appropriate”  once you’ve started getting your period.   

Paris has identified herself as someone who has “a lot in common” with Angelina Jolie.  Angelina is popping out kids in exotic locales and dining with heads of state.  Paris is building her friend base through hot tub eliminations and is the Goodwill Ambassador of personalized accessories and her local Bentley dealership.  How do these two have anything in common other than an XX chromosome?  Someone, anyone, enlighten me.