2Newsflash: Paris Hilton Is Shooting An “Amazing” New Video

Paris Hilton released that flop of an album, Paris, in 2006 and we all just assumed that was the end of that and we’d no longer have to be tortured by thoughts of Paris making “music” anymore. How wrong we were! In fact, she’s finished recording her new album and even completed shooting on a video for its first single, entitled (surprise!) ‘Good Time’. If you want more proof of what pure class this will be, the vid was choreographed by Pussycat Dolls creator Robin Antin.

This whole thing screams hot mess. You can’t even IRONICALLY like Paris Hilton’s music like you can, say, Countess LuAnn’s. Come on, you know “Money Can’t Buy You Class’ is one of the best jams of the millennium (I’ve just put it on YouTube as we speak). I can’t even believe anyone is letting this happen – it’s all Lil Wayne‘s fault. Paris Hilton needs to stick to… I dunno, calling things “hot” and spending money she did nothing to earn.

In the meantime, here’s some bullshit promotional tweets she put up:

Please let me know two things: one, how high Lil Wayne was when he thought signing her was a good idea and two, who is going to “rage” to her single in a way that’s not homicidal.

July 27, 2013 at 8:30 am by Jennifer

35Top 14 Most Hated Celebrity Couples

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are easily one of the most hated celebrity couples ever, right? Radaronline polled a whole mess of people and compiled a list of 14 celebrity couples that people absolutely hate and Kim and Kanye didn’t even make the list! Shocker! These lists are based on pretty much nothing, but they’re so fun; from the most hated celebrities to the ugliest male celebs, I know I like a good stupid list.

I don’t think these are actually in a particular order, in terms of most to least. The first ones on the list are Rihanna and Chris Brown. Who are the rest?Click to find out.

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June 8, 2013 at 10:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

5Paris Hilton Has A Record Contract Thanks To Lil Wayne

Paris Hilton, you better thank Sofia Coppola for making you aaaaaalmost relevant again, thanks to The Bling Ring. Lil Wayne is reviving Hilton’s singing/music/whatever you call what she does career by officially signing her. They collaborated in November of 2012 but apparently that just wasn’t the end of it. More info from TMZ:

Wayne’s mentor – Birdman – confirmed the news on Twitter … saying, “Lil Wayne’s Cash Money family has a new member! Paris Hilton: RichgangRichgirl.”

According to Showbiz411, Hilton’s album will focus on house music — no surprise, since she’s been DJing at various clubs all over the world … and training with some house music bigshots for years.

The album — Hilton’s first since 2006 — will reportedly be produced by Afrojack … and will feature bona fide stars like Lil Wayne.

Paris told Showbiz411, “[The new album] is a lot different than my first album. It’s really going to be house music.“

And it’s really going to be awful. Although. Although! Confession. “Stars Are Blind” is a pleasure of mine. I don’t even know if I feel guilty about it anymore either. It’s really catchy.

The friendship of Lil Wayne and Paris Hilton seems so odd. They started “working together” (it’s in quotation marks because I don’t think Paris ever actually works) in 2011 and when she turned 32 in March of this year, he was not only a guest but performed as well.

Now please enjoy this recent photo of Paris leaning dangerously towards one side:

May 22, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

3LOL of the Day: Paris Hilton Cried Watching ‘The Bling Ring’

Listen, burglary isn’t funny by any stretch of the imagination and no one deserves to have their privacy violated, celebrity or otherwise. That being said, I can’t lie: it definitely made me laugh when I read that Paris Hilton cried watching Bling Ring, Sofia Coppola’s movie about the real-life celebrity burglaries of ’08-’09. She was even in the movie and allowed scenes to be filmed in her house, but she still found it pretty upsetting.

From Vulture:

“I was really emotional watching it,” Hilton confessed to me last night at the movie’s hot-ticket Nikki Beach after-party. “During some parts of it, I literally had tears in my eyes and I wanted to cry. I knew what happened with the burglaries, but I had never actually seen it — so watching it happen, I was like, ‘Oh my God, this really happened to me. These kids were really in my house and did this to me.’ It’s so violating. It just made me really angry and upset, and when I see these kids, I want to, like, slap them.”

Oh man, that’s kinda tough and I guess I feel for her a bit. But wait, there’s an up side. She got to show off her mansion!!!!

“I designed everything in the house, so it was really cool to see it on film,” she said. It shows: Hilton’s house is a tribute to Hilton herself, and as the celebrity-obsessed Bling Ringers raid her walk-in shoe closet and party in her “nightclub room,” Hilton’s limpid face stares back at them, emblazoned on all the pillows, artwork, and walls. “That house is like my dream house,” she told me. “I worked so hard on every detail.”

Aaaaaand my levels of sympathy have gone down again.

May 18, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Jennifer

3Paris Hilton Really Likes Making Out, Tee Hee

Hey guys, remember Paris Hilton? While she generally likes assaulting the public’s senses on a daily basis, she’s been keeping a low profile and staying loved up with Spanish model boyfriend River Viiperi, who she apparently proposed to a couple of months ago. Anyway, while many might remember her for her boring but explicit sex tape from years ago, she’s since changed her approach to dating, I guess, and really just likes kissing 21-year-old River.

From Life & Style:

“We just love to sit in the corner and make out and dance,” Paris told Life & Style at Harrah’s Resort in Atlantic City, where she hosted The Pool After Dark’s six-year anniversary party on Saturday. “When I’m in the club with him, it’s like no one else in the room exists — it’s just us two with each other! It’s romantic.”

Paris wasn’t kidding. Just moments after speaking with us, the couple embraced in a steamy kiss on the dance floor. The duo were later spotted cuddling in a cabana at the club, while River snapped photos of Paris as she seductively posed for her man.

So what’s the secret to keeping the passion alive despite an 11 year age difference? “We have fun wherever we go,” Paris said. “We go out together. We love the same music.”

Well that’s… great for them? How is this even a story that’s reported on? Why am I reporting it, even? Whatever, it’s a really slow Friday, if you couldn’t tell.

May 10, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

2Beyoncé, Jay-Z, Britney Spears and 11 Other Celebrities Get Hacked, Are Really Rich

Another day, another celebrity hacking. This time it’s not tits and ass we’re getting a peek at, but rather private financial information of some of Hollywood’s biggest stars (and a few politicians, too). Surprise: they’re all rich! Filthy rich!

From TMZ:

Twelve big celebs and political figures, including Jay-Z, Beyonce, are the victims of a hacker who has posted detailed information about what appears to be their finances … and we’ve learned law enforcement is on the case.

A website — we’re not disclosing the name — has posted social security numbers, mortgage amounts, credit card info, car loans, banking and other info of major celebs.  In addition to Beyonce and Jay-Z … the site has snagged financial dossiers of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, Ashton Kutcher, Joe Biden, Robert Mueller, Hillary Clinton, Eric Holder and LAPD Chief Charlie Beck.

The site was not able to get a lot on Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton, but most of the others on the list have had their financial info compromised.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the LAPD has already launched an investigation.  We’re told the FBI is looking into it.

Damn. Donald Trump and Britney Spears were also added to this list soon after the initial report emerged. Basically nothing is private anymore, not even the financial information of big stars who can, presumably, pay or extra security measures to keep this info from getting out. It’s unclear what anyone would be able to do with this info since presumably, if you tried to steal money from these people, you’d have a damn hard time getting away with it, but maybe I’m just not up on the latest criminal approaches. Not really my scene.

I’m sure we’ll see some more celebs added to this list in the coming weeks. How much do you want to bet that since this is involving famous people, the perps will be caught and in jail by week’s end? Everyone knows Hollywood personalities are important than real crimes affecting regular people.

March 12, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer