There are a few things that you kinda sorta don’t do when you’re a famous person, and one of those things is “shit talk Oprah”. You know, because she’s kinda one of the most powerful humans on the planet and she can make or destroy you. Well, you wanna know who doesn’t give a fuck about that? M.I.A., duh. Because she’ll take down anyone.

M.I.A. and Oprah supposedly had a bad encounter at a recent event where the talkshow host was making a speech about the cultural significance of Lady Gaga. According to M.I.A., both of those things are a bunch of BS:

Oprah seemed like she was giving me the cold shoulder. She was with Iman (Bowie). Iman was always dancing with me, hugging and kissing me, but Oprah seemed really pissed off with me. Also she made this huge speech at the ball praising Lady Gaga and about how she (Lady Gaga) is helping Americans to be the best of themselves. There’s millions of other Americans who represent that for me. Is (it) about numbers? About how much you’re selling? Is it truly about the journey? Because (Lady Gaga’s) journey isn’t that difficult: to go from the f*cking Upper East Side to a f*cking performing arts school and on to a stage at the museum of f*cking wherever. That journey’s about four miles.

Damn. If that’s true about Oprah, I can’t say I disagree. M.I.A. makes me mad uncomfortable sometimes, but in a better way than Lady Gaga does. And you know, that is kinda true about Gaga just being some Upper East Side bitch named Stephanie with a wig on.

But like, don’t be upset when you’re not on the Favorite Things list this year, Maya.

The cast of Twlight is going to be on an upcoming episode of Oprah and a preview of the episode has just been released. What do I think? Well, in four words: God help us all. How do I feel about it? In one word: Nervous.

The screaming, the emotions, the lack of emotions from Kristen Stewart. I can imagine it all perfectly in my head and I can’t even imagine what the world will be like after literally every single television on the face of this earth will be tuned into ABC for that one hour. Think about it, all those teenagers PLUS Oprah’s already massive audience? If Oprah was smart she’d plan subliminal messages in every third second of the show. She could own us all after that one hour. Never has she been so powerful and that’s saying a lot.

I can’t embed the video so you’re going to have to click over to Oprah’s site to see the video of Christina Aguilera performing her new single “Not Myself Tonight” on Friday’s Oprah, but it’s worth it. The dancers and Christina’s costume are a little whack, but that’s not why we love her. It’s that voice and unlike Whitney, time out of the spotlight hasn’t taken a nasty toll on her pipes. Christina sounds better than ever and her spunky spirit still shines through. At one point during her performance, Christina stops singing to say to the crowd, “And you know what? As women, we do it all, so sometimes we just gotta have some fun, right?” Ugh. Love her.

Today’s Oprah is sure to be one that you’re not going to want to miss. After 30 years of denying that he molested his Oscar-winning sister Mo’Nique, her brother Gerald Imes sat down with the queen of daytime to come clean. Gerald admits to first abusing himself, then turning to drugs and alcohol before eventually molesting Mo’Nique, who spoke out about her abuse several times while promoting Precious.

Mo’Nique’s parents, who allowed Gerald to move back in with them only one month after the abuse came to light, sat in the audience throughout the interview and also spoke with Oprah. Her mother admits that it was painful to have Mo speak public about the abuse she endured and felt that it was a private family matter. Mo’Nique and her parents haven’t spoke in over two and a half years, if that tells you anything.

Gerald is quoted as saying at the start of his interview, “I’m here today to acknowledge that I’ve been in denial for over 30 years. I just want to say I’m sorry,” but I’m thinking that this wont be enough to bring his sister back in to his life. This doesn’t seem like a particularly famewhore-y move on the family’s part, especially after their daughter has been so open about her side of the story in recent years, but I’m expecting for it to be full of lots of interesting information about a story that’s had a few big questions left unanswered.

Nothing but the best for John Edwards’ mistress, Rielle Hunter. Homegirl has decided who she wants her first television interview to be done with, and obviously she went for the queen, Oprah. The interview will take place in Rielle’s Charlotte, North Carolina home and will most likely air during May sweeps. 

An “insider” spoke to The National Enquirer about the interview and said, “She’s excited about giving her account of how she met John, how the affair began and what’s in store for her future. Rielle also wants to clear the air about the GQ photos – she’s basically doing it to get the  truth out and tell her side of the story.” 

While most married men who get caught sleeping around would do literally anything to silence their partners in adultery, John apparently not only said it was fine that Rielle took the interview, but he encouraged her to do it and get her side of the story out there. 

This interview should be at least mildly interesting. Oprah tends to go soft at times (LOL), but she typically holds it down when she’s talking to non-celebs. I’m expecting a good mix ass-kissing and truth-telling.

“I’m not angry, I’m not angry. I’m — well, I’m a little bit angry … I’m a little bit angry. Um — well, I don’t want people to know how I am in bed. I guess it could have been a lot worse.”

- Jessica Simpson, totally pussying out when talking to Oprah about her ex John Mayer blabbing to Playboy about their sex life.

Be mad or don’t be mad at all, Jessica!