Bikini season is upon us. ‘Tis the time of year where we get to see “BEST AND WORST BIKINI BODS OF 2013″ splashed all over celeb magazines, along with hints of “HERE ARE 100 PEOPLE HOTTER THAN YOU ARE, F-CK YOU!” So let’s get it over with and take the wind out of our sails with this post of celebrities in bikinis and get to the inevitable who looks fat and who doesn’t and let’s cry into our pizza. Our delicious f-cking pizza. I think all these ladies look great, although I doubt some of their bikini choices, simply because some of these are ugly.

That moment when you’re like, damn, Olivia Wilde and I have almost the exact same bikini, time to destroy mine. Here she is with Jason Sudeikis, who is totally not the father of this kid.

Britney Spears, coming off her Shape magazine cover, wears a little blue bikini in Rancho Palos Verdes, California.

Geri Halliwell AKA Ginger Spice AKA Goddamn She’s 40???

Victoria Silvstedt who pretty much lives in a bikini year round.

Kristin Cavallari, who just had a f-cking kid. What the everloving f-ck.

Heather Graham. Kinda forgot about her. Welcome back.

You get TWO photos of Katharine McPhee, because I couldn’t pick just one! Wow!

And finally…

Katherine Heigl, because I love a girl who isn’t afraid to flaunt her non-tan.

And none for you, Paris Hilton. Yeah, I saw your bikini photos on Instagram. I’m not posting them.

Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis might seem like a really weird couple (and they are), but that doesn’t mean they’re not going to get married. They announced their engagement in January after a little over a year of dating – quite a feat for the woman whose libido Jason was tasked with bringing back to life.

Anyhoo, the word on the street (or in The New York Post) is that the pair will be tying the knot next spring in New York.

Olivia Wilde will marry “SNL” star Jason Sudeikis next spring in upstate New York, and she’s chosen Monique Lhuillier to design her bridesmaids’ dresses. The “Tron” actress dished a few details about her wedding to guests at a Monday bash at The General to celebrate her April Marie Claire cover. She added that the long engagement bucks her family’s usual trend of getting hitched months after a proposal. Also at the dinner were Kristen Wiig, Norah O’Donnell and Ari Graynor.

Wow, I feel like I know SO MUCH MORE about this wedding – like that it may happen sometime in the first quarter of 2014 and that it’ll be somewhere in the state of New York. Why is this a story? I’m more interested in the fact that Olivia hangs out with Kristen Wiig, who we all know is the coolest. Ah, whatever. Good luck to the happy couple or whatever it is you’re supposed to say here.

The actor proposed to Wilde shortly after the holidays, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.

“They are so excited,” says a source close to both. “And very, very happy.”

Sudeikis, 37, and Wilde, 28, who has said she fell “blissfully, hopelessly, wildly in love” with the actor, began dating in November of 2011 and moved in together last year.

The couple has been spotted together everywhere from Lawrence, Kan., to Austin, Texas, and most recently in Rome, where Wilde is filming the drama The Third Person.

No word yet on a wedding date.

Yay! Hopefully Jason and his funnyman antics can keep Olivia‘s perfect, flower-like, and blissfully sensitive vagina alive long enough to remember the good times after she calls him the death of her libido, which you just know is going to happen sometime over the next two years or so.

Congrats to the couple! Woot woot for matrimony and keeping the flame of post-marital copulation burning!

“The ‘These Girls’ monologues at Joe’s Pub were not meant for publication, and, in context, were a celebration of LOVE, girls, and honesty. Sneaky recorders are everywhere these days, but performance art doesn’t always translate accurately to tabloid interpretation.”

Wait. Wait. So … LOL … Olivia actually thought her comments—her comments in a public forum, to the public at large—would actually be shielded from the media? What f-cking dreamworld does she live in?

If you guys recall, Olivia threw her ex-husband, Tao Ruspoli, under the bus over the last few days, saying that the end of their marriage was seen through a “dead” vagina. Here’s the actual quote in case you missed it:

“I felt like my vagina died. Turned off. Lights out … you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina. Sometimes your vagina dies. Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that. [Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals.”

But LOL on the “not meant for publication.” Good luck with that, girl.

“I felt like my vagina died. Turned off. Lights out … you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina. Sometimes your vagina dies. Then you know it’s time to go. There’s no reason to sacrifice your womanhood and femininity for some sort of weird feeling of responsibility to something that may not be right. I feel like far too many women do that. [Men] are not allowed to be the only ones thinking with their genitals.”

OK, so I get the idea that, to some women, sex is very, very, crazily, insanely important in a relationship. It pretty much trumps everything. But I’ve also spoken to women to whom sex is kind of secondary. And that’s OK, too. Me, I’m somewhere in the middle. If I really, really love someone and I’m blissfully happy with them, sex is not necessarily the number one priority; it’s more a bonus than anything. It’s like, even when the sex is “bad,” it’s still pretty good, because it’s sex, you know? Bad sex is pretty much always better than no sex at all, so that’s kind of why, while I respect girlfriend’s ideals that Sex is Aces, I don’t really understand where Olivia‘s coming from on this one.

Or, better yet, not coming. From. On this one.

Also, pardon my crap Paint project. I’m a writer, not a graphic designer, OK?

Ahem.

#5 – Olivia Wilde

#4 – Katy Perry

#3 – Mila Kunis

#2 – Olivia Munn

#1 – Bar Refaeli

First, who made this list? A fifteen-year-old boy? Second, is said list from 2009, because I can think of a zillion other hot chicks that should be in the Top 5 list for 2012, and not one of these ladies (hot as they are) should be in the top 5. Third? The “world’s most beautiful women”? I know lots of people go crazy for Katy Perry and her fabulous rack, but I thought “most beautiful” generally meant “faces,” and not “bodies.” I don’t know.

Who belongs? Who doesn’t? Who thinks that the staff should be flogged with a herpe-infused cat o’nine tails for even including J Woww on the damn list?

…

OK. Let’s be real, here. Girlfriend Olivia Wilde has got some real legs, and I’m not talking about those stick-thin toothpicks that the J. Crew toothpick jean was designed for (and that my ass is never getting into), and I’m so on board with it, because … well, see, I think I’ve found my celebrity leg-twin. Seriously. I’m not going to lie when I say that I have some generous calves for whatever reason (seriously? I only run when I’m being chased, and I haven’t been chased by anything or anyone worth running from since at least 22 or 23), and it’s apparent that Olivia Wilde here, does, too! I’m not going to say that I’m sensitive or anything about my calves, because I’ve been over that pick-a-body-part-and-lament-it-hard thing for ages now, but I can say that I did struggle with my less-than-ballerina-sized legs for awhile when I was in high school.

On the flip side of this, please: don’t get me wrong—there’s nothing wrong with stick-thin legs, and I’m not intimating that at all, but to me, it’s good to see that I’m not the only one in the world that has these, um, “athletic” legs, as I like to refer to them as, or “sturdy” as my husband so lovingly calls them. I prefer “athletic,” myself, but hey. Legs are legs are legs, and while, for the longest time, I would have loved to have legs like Kristen Stewart’s (fig. 1), I got over that when I realized that it just wasn’t the way my lower body was shaped. Later, I finally came to terms with the fact that I’m more of a Shakira (fig. 2) than a Stewart and I gave up the “want what I cannot have” thing that plagued me for so long.

I’ve successfully rambled on about legs for an entire three hundred words, now, so I’m going to just leave the rest of these lovely photos of the beautiful, capable, admirable Olivia Wilde here doing her thing for Revlon, and doing it well—her and her pretty legs.

This image of comedy treasure Steve Carell ought to whet your interest in next year’s Burt Wonderstone, in which Carell stars as Burt Wonderstone.

The premise: a Vegas magician “breaks up with his longtime stage partner” (thank you, IMDb), and then a “new, ‘hip’ street magician” threatens the aging Wonderstone’s “relevance.” Hee hee!

Jim Carrey stars as Wonderstone’s professional nemesis, Steve Haines. Here he is as Steve Haines:

God, that is so perfect. Whoever designed the costumes and makeup freaking nailed it.

Like, I am a huge fan of “close magic,” but the humorlessness of no-frills street magic is so ripe for parody. Can anyone take Criss Angel seriously? He looks like a character from some vampire anime thing.

In the meantime, serial creeper Steve Buscemi shares top billing as “Anton Lovecraft.” Educated guess: Buscemi’s character is a practitioner of the Darkest Arts. Too, too funny.

There’s another reason you should be excited about Burt Wonderstone: the screenplay was penned by prodigy John Francis Daley. That’s right, the rosy-cheeked kid from Freaks and Geeks. He’s 26! Twenty-six years old! And he wrote Horrible Bosses! That is just marvelously nuts to me; good grief.

Guys, I honestly intended to post the pic of Carell in magician’s garb over the weekend, and I completely blanked. I continued to forget about this amazing photo of Carell until this very morning, when the photo, without comment, became the #1 story on Reddit. People are really excited for this movie, you guys!

P.S. Um, yes. I decided to pad this post’s image gallery with some other pics from the set. Thanks, Celebuzz!

“I empathize. It’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing in the world. People judge you because divorce is seen as failure. [Kim] took a risk. No one should be attacking her. Our attention should be focused on things that are truly scandalous.”

- Olivia Wilde, one of the most beautiful ladies in the land, wants you to know that you need to back off poor Kim Kardashian.

While I’ve always had a lot of admiration for Olivia Wilde’s face, I’ve never really cared much for her words or her actions. Despite that, I think she might have a point here. We shouldn’t be attacking Kim, and we definitely should be focused on truly scandalous things. Like her ass. That’s what Olivia Wilde is saying here, right? We need to focus more on Kim Kardashian’s ass.

Ok, you know that usually I adore Olivia Wilde. Or, well, not adore, but I always think that she’s one of the prettiest little starlets out there today. But this is what she chose to wear last night to the Cowboys and Aliens UK premiere. And I’m not going to pretend like it’s ok. I might have if she didn’t have a dumb poof and the most hardcore case of side boob I’ve ever seen, but this? This is very nearly unforgivable.

I’m not super pumped or anything, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a nerd. But as I was perusing through our photo agencies, seeing if there was any visual magic I needed to bring to you, I came across these pictures from the Cowboys and Aliens press conference. And let me just tell you, Olivia Wilde and Daniel Craig were both incredibly, incredibly attractive at that press conference. And sometimes, that’s enough.

I think Olivia Wilde is off the charts hot. Like, I think there’s a solid chance that she’s the most gorgeous lady working in Hollywood today. That doesn’t mean I like anything at all about her, and it doesn’t mean I hate anything about her either, it just means that I like her face, and it means that I like it a lot.

All that being said, I think that the L.A. Times really did a big disservice to Olivia here. She’s undeniably attractive with the old glamour look here, but personally, I think she thrives on House, in Thirteen’s simple yet stylish clothes with her hair pulled back so you can see her flawless face. All the makeup and the big hair just distract from the perfection that she was born with, so even though I typically adore this style, I’m going to have to leave it here and go back to drooling over the fifth season of House. What about you?